violent - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

scrags · 05-21-2003, 03:44 PM

hey this is my first post here, well this is my first post anywhere but whatever. i've been reading on this board for some time now and it is really good to know that i am not the only person in the world to feel this way, very informative. i also think it seems to be a good outlet to vent so here it goes.

i first started working on my head back in 97 at age 26 or so, i had been ultra depressed and obsessed with killing myself and pretty much everyone around me. i would go from really feeling violent to sad as hell constantly. my first p'doc dx'd me as bipolar and put on lith and zoloft that lasted for about six months before i came to the conclusion that i don't need this stuff, not smart. I lasted a while till about 2 years ago, i couldn't take it and my wife couldn't take me and my horrible fits of anger/depression so i went back to the doc. but i made the mistake of going to my general practioner(dumb move).since then i've been on paxil and adivant had an expirence with a terrible psycologist that wanted to tell me stories of himself and now i am with a decent psychiatrist who dx'd me as BPII(which sounds more accurate to me). but it is still trial and error i mean i started on the lith again and that helped a little but not enough so we combo in some lexapro and that wasn't cuttin it and now here i sit on 1200 mgs of triletal and 200 mgs of wellbutrin. it has only been 2 weeks or so on the wellbutrin and the bumped up dose of the trileptal but i almost freaked out this morning i had to leave the house before i did something stupid.

i have a new born, i don't want to be like this but i could have thrown him across the room. plus i wanted to shut my wife up so bad it was tough to hold back.
i was enraged to a point that i had to remove myself from the situation. let me say at this point in this big run on sentence that i have never hurt either one of them and have no plans to. i'm about to explode i don't want to hurt myself or anyone else i'm just not sure what to do.

good luck all

rsg · 05-21-2003, 04:20 PM

Seroquel cured my rages from extreme mania gone violent, see a pdoc and get help K?

1000mg depakote /mood stabilizer
100-200mg sequerol a day/antipsycho
1mg klonipin 3xday if needed /benzo

[This message has been edited by rsg (edited 05-21-2003).]

HoosierBj · 05-22-2003, 08:12 AM

First of all, please congratulate yourself for being able to fight the waves of anger that you are feeling so far and for getting back to a regular psychiatrist.

Second, if you haven't told your psychiatrist about these feelings regarding your wife and child please let him/her know as soon as possible - print out your letter here even.

I'm sorry to hear that lithium didn't work as well this time for you. I'd heard that sometimes it happens if there is a break in lithium treatment. BUT, they are coming out with new mood stabilizing drugs all the time.
Side effects stink big time I know, and its really frustrating while they wheedle away at dosages, but it is really important that your doctor know just how much anger you are feeling.

Keep in touch here, o.k.?
Bj

scrags · 05-24-2003, 01:49 PM

thanks BJ and rsg for the input i am going to try to get an appointment on monday w/the p'doc i can't handle this.

i went to see a friend over the past weekend and when i came back on sunday my pendulum swung so far up it was outrageous. my sex drive was crazy i couldn't sleep and all around i felt great. then on wensday night i crashed hard went to sleep around 1130 woke on thurs. around 9 stayed up for maybe 2-3 hours hit the bed again slept till 4pm lasted maybe 6 hours awake then went to sleep for another 12 hours. by friday morn i was so incredibly irritable, nasty and angery my wife was crying i hated my self and here i sit on saturday with that empty feeling and rotten deppresion eating me up. i hate this but i will keep trying as long as i can.

it is so helpful to me to know there are other people out there like me. thank you

scrags