*Jacqueline*

I am a 23 single mother of a three year old child. I am in a relationship with a bi-polar man who will not even think about taking meds let alone try them. At the moment, I live in DE and he lives in TN and to make matters better or worse, depending on how it is looked at, I am five months pregnant with his child. We have been together for about a year in and half and I know this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Because of my own illness I was told that I could not have anymore children after my son was born so we did not protect or ourselves, yet, having the child I am pregnant with now could mean my own life. We tried to abort the baby and because of different reasons, three times, the doctor could not do it. Together, him and I decided that this child was meant to be. Him and I, at this point, get to see each other may once every six weeks. This soon, will be coming to an end because we or at least I must start saving for a child. We have to decide weather it would be best for me to move there or for him to move here with me, we promised we would talk about it this past weekend, but of course, we never did. Friday was spent sleeping all night, Saturday was spent watching TV, shopping and pretending to sleep and Sunday was spent playing a game that he was “addicted “ to and could “not” stop playing. I know when we are apart things are worse for him, he feels more lonely and depressed and we both try our best to be helpful. I say sweeter things, let him I know I am always thinking of him and such. Since Thursday of last week we hardly spoke. This is the worse I have seen him and I am not really sure what to do or how to do it. It is bad enough on good days he keeps himself closed up but now I am really worried. We have very important things to talk about and at this point I am not sure how to bring up the subject with his moods. With my own sickness I deal with a lot of mental mood swings myself and being pregnant only makes things worse, having to fight with my own mind is not helping me help him. I am afraid that the conversation will turn into a fight and at this point, I could not deal with his harsh blunt words even though I understand it’s not his fault that he says them. Lately he says he feels “nothing” and I am not understanding or even being able to deal with that answer. How can someone feel nothing when they are about to become a father? I’ve tried everything I done in the past to help his mood, sweet talks, extra messages, leaving him be when he is annoyed and because I can not be there with him, he is not getting my usual tight hugs, soft kisses and extra touches, which seem to make it worse. As I said, I love this man with all my heart, and I know I want to spend my life with him, but this time, I feel so helpless. Because I am pregnant and feeling more needy of him, and he isn’t giving me what I need (again, I know its not his fault) I feel mad and angry as well, which then makes me feel guilty. He is always closed with his feelings, this is something that I learn to deal with, but at this point in “our” lives I feel and hoped he would lower the walls some but, if anything, any part of the wall I have chipped away in the last year and half as been fixed and is now firmly in place. So I guess I have a few questions,

1. Does anyone else feel or tend to feel “nothing”? I asked him to explain this, since this was the first time he opened up to how he felt, or lack of feeling and he said, I feel nothing, no sad, no happy, not tired, not awake, not numb, I just feel nothing.. I feel some guilt that I feel nothing when it comes to you and the baby but for the most part that comes and goes. He says he knows he loves me, but at this point, he is not feeling the love, but asked me to please remember that he does love me and is in love with me.

2. When in “bad” days, what helps you feel better other than meds, since he won’t take them? Is there anything I can do to ease his pain. Mostly, on his bad days he feels lonely. He can sometimes get angry quickly, but it won’t last long as long as he removes himself for the source of what made him angry in the first place, me or his parents, work, ECT.

3. When having to talk about serious things, and your bad days are coming more than alright days or good days, how would you like to be approached? Or would you rather your spouse wait for a good day? I tend to act as happy as he is when he is having a good (hyper day as him and I call them) because they are so rare I don’t want to ruin them for him.

4. For someone loving another with bi polar, has anyone found away that helps open the person up? Weather it is every day feelings, or feelings about deal with the bi-polar?

Thanks for listening(reading)

Jacqueline