bipolar, reclusive, social anxiety, college not working...careers? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

the_technogoat · 08-27-2006, 03:56 PM

hello, i am seventeen and i am in desperate need of help finding a career. i've never had a job before, and whenever college or careers come up, everyone laughs rudely at me when i reply to questions of what salary i would like. i really don't find it unreasonable for a girl who made the dean's list with a 4.0 and perfect attendance at my age to want $80k a year. mind you, i am not very materialistic; some books, manga, and games are more than enough to keep me satisfied. i am not interested in expensive outfits, and i've never had an impulsive shopping problem, but i would like to feel comfortable knowing i can keep a nice amount of money in my savings for my meds, doctor appointments, emergencies, groceries, and even world travel (i have family in japan, and i've not left the midwest since i was one year old). college, on the other hand, really bites. besides the typical "sex, drugs, and drinking all night" attitude (which i am used to; i went to two alternative high schools), i have never been in a school with more than 600 students for more than four days (the college i went to has somewhere around 30,000, i believe). it's too much for me, and i always cry and have panic attacks, creating frustrating and embarrassing moments in which many people laugh--or even tell my parents lies to get me hospitalized (thank god i will be 18 this week). i also have cardiac problems, so large schools are painful for me; i see spots, gasp for air, and feel like passing out or suffering cardiac arrest going from class to class. large schools, for a person prone to crying, mania, and panic attacks in a room with more than three people, are definitely not an option. the only way i can get career assistance i haven't had before is to go back to community college, to the building where pigs are slaughtered (no joke), give them around $90, likely get laughed at for my desires, and take a personality test--probably the same one i took in my "preparing to graduate" class in high school. i would really like to figure out a career that fits my wishes without being around lots of people or talking on telephones excessively. i haven't a clue what to do, and i don't have any specific interests. if anyone could help me out with ideas, it would be most appreciated. i need all the help i can get; independent research is getting me nowhere.

emeraldeyes114 · 08-27-2006, 06:45 PM

Hmmm....congrats on doing so well in school. I think that is awesome. Now down to the nitty gritty so to speak. I do think that you might be over reaching on the money you would like to make each year. I have been going over what i know which grant it isn't much at the moment. If you like science/math you might want to think about a doctorate in one of them and going on to teach at college level. They make or at least I have estimates that tenured professors depending on the college can make 120,000 a year. Now that being said a doctorate in let's say physics is not an easy to road to walk. I mean you got eight years of school then the fellowship also to recieve the doctorate you must write a thesis and defend not only written but orally as well. Once you obtain said doctorate you have to work your way up the ladder. I mean it would be like you walking into let's say GM and applying for the CEO position. They may just laugh outright even if you did have a degree from Harvard Business School. So I think that making good money while important it is better to do something you will like.

Make a list of the things you do like to do. Like if there was a specific subject in school, a hobby like maybe astronomy, or something else. Then go from there and see what kind of schools offer those programs that interest you. If nothing else start college out in general till you get an idea of what interests you and what just makes you sick. Your academic advisor in college will be able to direct you to something to suit you. And a lot of young men or women just getting out of high school have no clue of what they want to do or where they want to go.

Emerald

the_technogoat · 08-28-2006, 01:57 PM

unfortunately, i do not know what i like to do. i don't leave the house unless it's for groceries or to pick up something from the store. i do very well with math and science, but i do terribly when around many people. like i said, advisors in college cannot and will not help me (i've asked in the proper office for advisors, and some kid told me she didn't know what to do), and i'm not going to the slaughterhouse, period. i did very well academically in college (i forgot to mention, the gpa was for 15 credit hours; i'm actually not bragging, i just try to include a lot of information for others in case it's helpful), but i was so deep in a hole that all i would do is eat, sleep, cry, study, nothing else. physically i looked and felt like a trainwreck as well, with wild hair, dirty clothes, and just-woke-up, bare face (my skin stays very red for a very long time in winter unprotected). i figured anything fun would only be ruined by what would happen the next day. it was the lowest i'd been in a long, long time, and large places always make me feel like that for months. it's not just an attitude or something i need to "work on", but something that profoundly disturbs me. it's hard to explain...an average person would whine about school being too big, too many people, and get over it when school was out, proceeding to do whatever it is they normally do. for me, i cried many times every day, even in class, because i simply can't be around so many people and so much laughter directed at (contrary to popular belief, not "with"; these are very hurtful things) me.
i don't know what i want to do at all; the only thing i know is careers i don't want to be involved in: service (touching people:chiropractor, opthalmologist, physician, nurse, etc.), veterinarian (very important lives in my hands, and college around here requires injecting healthy animals with disease), employee at company that funds animal testing, pharmaceuticals, and i sure as hell would make a terrible psychologist/psychiatrist. i know that for a fact. i cannot tolerate people who have had no symptoms before, and all of a sudden have a bad day at 16 and say they're horribly depressed when they will do as the sane do and "get over it" the next day. i cannot talk over phones without extreme tension, so i'd like to keep that at a minimum. talking directly to people excessively would drive me into a hell far worse than could be imagined, especially if i'm manic or extremely depressed...the laughter and rudeness. i have great difficulty even forming words when i'm manic, terrified, paranoid, et cetera, and i believe i would be very embarrassed and hurt.
i know everyone thinks this is unrealistic, but right now my mother and stepdad's income combined barely supports me, and they make about 85k together, i believe. seriously, they rarely even eat anymore because i need so many doctors and pills. i don't want to continue down the path of "buy a $10 t-shirt and feel miserable and guilty and ruin my parent's lives for a week and see my mother cry when bills come" (just an example).
please, considering the information in these posts, try to help me. i'm sorry it's unrganized; i have many major problems right now. thank you.