Mania and emotional detachment - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Neleah · 08-28-2006, 02:44 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and it has been wonderful until a month ago. We were so in love, crazy about each other and pulled each other through rough spots. We wanted to spend every minute with each other. Then, as if a switch flipped, he became extremely hyper, bouncing off the walls, distracted, aggressive (not towards me). He started flirting with women and told me later that he has to compulsively check them out. He is not that kind of guy at all. It was all me and nobody else. He tried to be loving towards me, but I could feel the effort.

He says he can't be attached to anyone, yet, he was miserable when we did not talk for a week. When we talk , he is super hyper, racing speech and totally over the top. He does calm down after a while, but he does not express love for me.

I have read so much about bipolar and I have made up my mind that as long as he gets treatment, I will try to work it out. He is amazing. I have read the horror stories here, but I am not ready to let go. He had promised to see a therapist once he has insurance, but I don't see it happening in this manic state.

To those of you who are bipolar, what is your advice? Can you tell me about mania? I really want to understand what is going on with him. We talked about it, he says he is fantastic, but emotionally detached. Then he calls crying and says he is so sad about all this and loves me. What is there for me to do? Keep my distance? Try to roll with it? I am talking to my therapist about my feelings and I am in good hands, but I want to better understand what is going on with him.

Any suggestion, advice, input, information about mania, personal experience would be great.

emeraldeyes114 · 08-28-2006, 04:00 PM

The mania for me is my own experience so don't take it as it belonging to everyone. A hypomanic state is like well maybe just one upper or maybe two. I get the energy of Wonderwoman and feel able to combat the world all the while taking care of stuff at home. I am just happy as a bug in a snug rug.

Now a full blown manic is usually loaded with psychotic paranoid features convinced that every move is being not only being watched, recorded, but taped as well. Usually the energy level is equal to about five or more uppers. I have almost a total lack of sleep at least till the body just shuts down. There are during the episode a lot of rage which is usually connected to the spying stuff though not always.

Now a mixed state to me is the weirdest and probably the hardest to describe to someone. I mean there are all the features of the manic state hypo or full blown plus depression to boot. I didn't really believe it existed until I had my first bout with it.

I know during a manic state the psychotic stuff can be seeing, hearing, smelling, and feeling things that aren't there. I am more apt to find a dude and fall in love (it feels like it). I can out talk usually most marathoners i have ever met twice over. And nothing is impossible.

Like they say what goes up must in the end come down. Slamming down you suddenly see nothing but death, doom, and destruction all around you. Everything feels tainted and the future is one bleak mess from which who would want to survive?

Being in a relationship with someone who is not medicated and running the gauntlet with their emotions is like dating three people and keeping them all straight. What you feel sometimes during a manic phase is as real as the man on the moon story. I do think you are right that while he is manic he is less likely to seek services of any kind. I was in a relationship with someone who was not medicated. It is a hard thing to go through really. And tiring to boot. How much can you handle for you say enough is enough? That is probably the better question. Or what will you do if he doesn't get help? Is this something you feel you can deal with in the long haul?

Emerald

agarcia1 · 08-28-2006, 04:31 PM

Emerald - If you don't mind me asking, how long have you had BP & do you have BP I or II? Also, what meds are you currently on and have they helped?

THanks,
Annette

Neleah · 08-28-2006, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emeraldeyes114

Being in a relationship with someone who is not medicated and running the gauntlet with their emotions is like dating three people and keeping them all straight. What you feel sometimes during a manic phase is as real as the man on the moon story. I do think you are right that while he is manic he is less likely to seek services of any kind. I was in a relationship with someone who was not medicated. It is a hard thing to go through really. And tiring to boot. How much can you handle for you say enough is enough? That is probably the better question. Or what will you do if he doesn't get help? Is this something you feel you can deal with in the long haul?

Emerald

Thank you very much for your insights. Much of what you describe, he has described to me as well.This is the first extended bout of mania I experience with him. There were times where milder mania and depression would alternate, but he never emotionally detached.

I have resolved for me to only continue this if he at least goes to see a therapist and is open with him/her. I also told him that I cannot handle secrets. He needs to talk to me about everything and that includes female friends.

How much I can take is a good question. I can take a lot as long as I can be sure that he loves me. I will admit that I want this manic state to be OVER ALREADY, so that we can talk again. Right now I feel like I am waiting it out. So I guess it also depends on how long I can handle this emotional detachment. I love him more than anyone before him and I am willing to work through and I willing to get through this "phase." But after that, I think he will have to hold to his promise and see a therapist.

But it's hard, I'm not gonna lie.

distroyed · 08-30-2006, 10:01 AM

Neleah, You want to know what it's like to love someone with bp Read my posts. I am in hell and still waiting to come back