mudhound sees a therpist (has deep questions) - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

mudhound · 08-23-2003, 05:46 AM

Hello out there. I want to sincerely thank all who responded to my prior post. There is a deep wisdom that comes from each of them. I’m still not too old (or stupid, LOL) to learn from others.
Speaking of others, I have been seeing a therapist myself. WOW! My 1st visit was about 3 weeks ago and I plan to keep going until I’m ok with whatever decision is made.
Please respond to one of her subjections: “Mudhound, you must go on with your own life.” By this, she was telling me to go onto church when my wife does not go. Start working a lot more out of town. Do the things you enjoy doing for pleasure such as ATV riding, fishing, or camping with or without her. The therapist said not to go overboard with this at first but to slowly proceed doing a little more each week or month. I am to ask my wife her to go and offer to do something else but to stand firm in doing for myself because a deep resentment has built up over time and that is part of our problem.
I know the above sounds too simple. I do have to get over my fear of leaving the house and letting whatever happens happen. Even her (my wife’s) dr., therapists and others have told me that the best we could hope for on her killing her self is to delay it and maybe she would decide not to.
We have been battling this for so long. I am trying to bring myself to terms with the fact that I have done all I can and now she has to do her part herself.

HoosierBj · 08-23-2003, 09:08 AM

I've read your other posts; what a dilemma for sure. I could only hope that my husband would go to the lengths that you have been going to in making a most difficult decision.

Your therapist sounds like she is using a form of cognitive therapy. And, it would be VERY wise to follow her suggestions to get out by yourself. A person in your situation is at real risk for depression. Your sense of self and your feelings become more and more dependent on someone elses. Your choices seem more and more limited to the situation that you are already in.

Everyone, even if they don't have a spouse with a disease, needs to be a whole person apart from the person they married. It's harder when you are trying to meet increased needs of a spouse, but as I mentioned earlier, if you don't carve out a part of life that is yours (while still acknowledging your spouses life and your life as a couple) it can be dangerous for YOUR emotional and even physical self.

You can't be of any help to her OR your relationship if you don't make time for yourself!

Maybe all of us here on the Boards are a good kind of therapy too?

Pendy · 08-25-2003, 09:35 AM

I understand where you are coming from. My first wife was very suicidal and I ended up dropping everything to try and take care of her and make sure she didn't kill herself.

If the Dr. is suggesting you have some time for yourself then by all means do it. I was never given this advice and I think I just burnt out in the end.

You need to take care of yourself as well as your significant other. Good luck.