ITS GETTING SO BAD THAT I DONT WANT TO CARRY ON ANYMORE - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

redflame · 08-26-2003, 07:18 PM

I live in England, I have a wife and two daughters 18 and 14, I have suffered from depression longer than I can rember, at times different med's have helped but sooner or later the depression rears its ugly head and the world becomes a scarey place,

I cant get the help I need, my doctor is over streched and just wants to hand out pills to get rid, I am not taking anything at present , by the time I got an appointment (10 days later) I could not explain what was wrong in a 2 min appointment with a doctor who barely spoke English, the private sector in my area do not have anyone available, it all seems pretty hopeless there is no support and i cant see a way out apart from taking my own life to end this misery,

I've done it before many years ago when I put a hosepipe into my car exhaust but after I passed out a passer by rescued me, I wish he had'nt, I see the road ahead as more of the same, I take pills feel better depression returns, I can't have my family near me at the moment I feel awkward and stupid, i'm a coward and a failer, I wanted to do it tonight but put my last hopes in you, I have no where else to turn.

darlynn · 08-26-2003, 07:45 PM

Is there ANYONE a family member or friend you could call right now?? To talk to or to just be with? I know no matter what anyone says won't change your feelings tonite, but in the morning then you must get a professional to LISTEN to YOU!

pbarjranch · 08-26-2003, 08:55 PM

Oh how I wish I could say something that would give you hope and strength to hang on and not end it all!!

Have you tried or considered trying the Organic Lithium Orotate? I have heard great things about it from people on this message board. Although it is not a quick fix, You may find help there. [url="http://www.springvalleyherbs.com/catalog.php?"]www.springvalleyherbs.com/catalog.php?[/url]

But meanwhile remember that not only your family loves you deeply; but God loves you so much and so desperately--in whatever shape you are in: He gave His ONLY sons life to pay for your sins, my sins: anyone's sins who accepts the priceless gift God gave in sacrificing His sons life (I don't know if I could sacrifice one of my sons for an ungrateful world of humans!).
God only wants a relationship with you and would delight in your learning to lean on Him completely. So when we feel we cannot do it anymore--reality has finally set in: We never could do it! Let God be your strength...take it one moment at a time if necessary. (Some days I get too overwhelmed otherwise.)

I am not talking about a flash of light and a miracle healing here: just God getting us through another day we weren't sure we could get through. As crummy as my day has been, I know He has been there with me through it all and keeping me from things I never even knew could have happened--and some things I thought of or narrowly avoided. And I keep the hope that He has plans for a much better day for many of us that suffer bi-polar and depression etc...here on earth--I am assured of the good days in heaven!

Make a point to remember the good moments, days, events, etc. Get or make a journal.(just some lined paper in folder or with a paperclip will do, it doesn't have to be fancy or purty.) Write in each victory, each good moment, each positive revelation you encounter so that you cannot forget. (Unless you are like me and forget where you put the dad-gum thing so you wouldn't lose it! ;o) I lose more things that way~ But only write in good or positive things so you can re-live the good stuff. We already have learned to replay all the crud over & over. It is replaying the good stuff we need help and practice with.

Some of this is a quote from my answer to someone elses post but truth is truth! Please seek help from your Pastor, Clergy, whatever you call your church leader, or some friends or family members as Darlynn mentioned.

Does Enland have crisis phone numbers that you can call? If you do: Get offline and call them now!
I am praying for you tonite--across the oceans and lands between us--right now!! Hang in there through God's strength.

Let "us" in cyberspace know how you do, okay?
A caring friend who is sending Hugs as well as prayers~
AZ/OK Jo

pbarjranch · 08-26-2003, 09:14 PM

Redflame~

I am so sorry!! I just realized you were the same person that wrote the SOS ENGLAND post. I am newish to this site, or I might have caught it sooner.

I just checked out the Spring Valley Herb website and they DO ship internationally-Yay!! Heres the corrected version (my other post to you was missing some of the address) of the URL: [url="http://www.springvalleyherbs.com/catalog.php?search=lithium+orotate"]http://www.springvalleyherbs.com/catalog.php?search=lithium+orotate[/url]

You can order this stuff and get it shipped to you for less than what it costs for some of the more expensive brands here. $31.15 And there are NO side effects to deal with!

Hold on: here is a glimmer of hope for you!

Let me know if you can access this site.
AZ/OK Jo

u2fran · 08-27-2003, 04:54 PM

Redflame, you are not a failure or a coward. It is hard dealing with depression. Your wife and daughter need you, and trying to end it all would hurt them much more, than the way things are. There are people in your life who love and need you and there are other people who care, and we all care here on the board.
I took too many pills years ago, and tried to end it all, but when I woke up in the hospital my mother and my brother were crying for me. My poor mom was sitting by my side for 2 days, waiting for me to wake up, and all my relatives were calling and a whole church was praying for me. Anyway it's much better to have your friends and loved ones around you, than it would be to give up, and take your life away from them. For the sake of your family and friends, please hang in there! They love you and we all care..

[This message has been edited by u2fran (edited 08-27-2003).]