help - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

lizzers072383 · 08-30-2003, 04:48 AM

I need help. I have been posting on the depression board for a while, until my diagnosis was changed. I first I thought that was good thing because maybe then I could finally get a handle on what was really going. It was a great thing for a while. I was on good meds and felt like things might actually be okay. I am only twenty and should have lots to look forward to. I don’t feel like that tough. Already being back at school has drained my energy. Classes seem like forever and getting to them is too much to handle at times. At first, I was glad to be back with my friends. Now I’m just paranoid. I don’t think they really missed me or liked me. I intended to get my thoughts out tonight, but this is proving too much. It’s all jumbled and not making sense. I stopped taking my meds because things were going so well. Now I’m regretting it. Tell me things will get better. The doctors say they will but I don’t think they understand. I don’t think anyone does. Please, I want this to be over,

HoosierBj · 08-30-2003, 10:24 AM

It can definitely get better. I was out of school my freshmen and senior years because of bipolar disorder. It probably made the difference for me on why I missed out on things like college and children (many bipolars can do both these things!)

I think what is happening for you right now is that you are grieving the loss of your health, just as you would grieve the death of someone close to you.
It's o.k. to feel sorry for yourself, or angry at what life has handed to you (and that you certainly don't deserve).
Did you ever meet someone and find out later that they have multiple sclerosis? Or diabetes? Some people are stuck with personalities that leave them shunned and alone. None of us want a disease!

From my beginnings at 13, unable to function in the school world, I am now 49, married, with 30 years of work in the real world under my belt.
Am I still bipolar? You bet.
But just like you, (by looking up a site like this) I have educated myself, taken my meds (that can be the worst part - just finding the right meds but you can come here and talk about it anytime) and tried to look for that calm & peaceful strong place deep inside.

We NEED you here - you're already an expert in our field, and can help someone else who feel just like you do (and thinks they are alone too).

Welcome to the club - lifetime membership included! (Did I mention that a sense of humor can help sometimes???!!)

Pendy · 09-02-2003, 12:06 PM

Hey lizzers, start taking your meds again! That is why things were starting to look so good again, guaranteed. Us Bipolars are notorious for feeling better and then hopping off our meds only to return to our previous self. Start taking your meds again and see if that doesn't help you cope a little better.

schragie · 09-03-2003, 07:17 PM

Lizz...yes, you will get better.

I went all through college with untreated bipolar and went from being the life of the party to drowning in the throes of depression.

College is hard enough without the added stress of having this problem, but with treatment you really have a great chance of feeling better. So many people in their 20s don't know anything about themselves and here you have the opportunity to get some therapy, take meds, and work on getting through it all.Imagine how much stronger and mature you will be in helping heal yourself.

The paranoia you feel is common to me, and it usually comes hand in hand with depression when I feel horribly self-conscious and that no one is being real or honest with me.

Please please go back on the medication. Once your head clears some, your energy will come back and you can make decisions about your treatment. If there are side effects you didn't like, your doc can help you work out the right medicines.

Come back and let us know how you are. Vent all you want and it doesn't have to make sense.

I lead a pretty good life, good job, caring husband. I have been diagnosed for about 8 years now and still resist it, but now its a joke when I refer to it as my "alleged bpd".

Best,
Lisa