Feeling extremely upset and need to vent - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

u2fran · 09-03-2003, 09:42 PM

Hi everybody. I still have anxiety and depression but I have spurts of happiness once in a while. Today I got very upset after I got my refills from the pharmacy. When I got home I noticed they gave me lithium 300mg er tablets as a substitute for lithobid. I keep thinking lithobid is coated and time released and is better, with less side effects than lithium er. The pharmacy won't give me the lithobid. After getting all upset and anxious over that, I got a letter from ssi that says I owe them 205$ because of some overpayments from 2002 when I was working! Haven't worked for 7 months and I have a very tight buget. Now I have to call social security tomorrow and listen to automated recordings while on hold, so I can talk to a representitive and get a waiver form in the mail to fill out, in hopes they don't make me pay the overpayment, which would be really hard on my budget. Anyway, I'm going crazy over the events of today. Also I had a job interview last month, but never got hired. Guess depression and anxiety won't leave me alone. Also I was with my boyfriend over the weekend and he hasn't even called me . Seems like things are difficult for me to cope with lately and I feel alone.

HoosierBj · 09-04-2003, 09:30 AM

Hi Fran!
Uh-Huh, like you don't know we're out here being your support group whether you need us or not!!!

I remember one time that they gave me Lithium tablets rather than capsules and I was actually fairly rattled - even though neither one is time released (falling into the catagory of Lithium is Lithium is Lithium).
Didn't matter - they were different, and I think there are certain things that we expect to be the same, and when they aren't it can really throw us.

And then of course we turn around and expect ourselves to deal with big things like SSI and boyfriends with NO problem at all!! Stress sucks, doesn't it?
Hang in there, by one fingernail if need be - - but leave another finger free to type back and let me know how you're doing this evening!!!!!
Bj

u2fran · 09-05-2003, 03:42 AM

Hi BJ!. It's nice to get a reply from you.

I just had a major anxiety attack yesterday, which could be an exageration.lol I talked to the pharmacist at the pharmacy today, and they actually took the lithium back and gave me the lithobid. I had told him the lithium er caused nausea.. And afer an hour on the phone with Social security, they decided to send me the waiver form. Anyway , it just might work. Being a little assertive took alot of the anxiety away. My boyfriend, the same one from Canada, even called me tonight. We only get together about every other weekend. Anyway..I get stressed over all kinds of things, but assertiveness seems to relieve the anxiety and depression alot. Hope you are doing well. Have a good night, oops, I mean morning..

u2fran · 09-09-2003, 08:33 PM

I'm not extremely upset or anxious anymore...today I have a strange empty feeling and have been thinking outloud alot. Feeling strangely alone, even though my boyfriend was here all weekend. It's just that we didn't go anywhere and he would rather watch movies than talk. Even though I'm bi-polar, it seems that I try harder than he does to have a good relationship. He takes it for granted that I will do almost anything he asks me too, except be quiet, when I need to talk about things like medications, finances ect. Guess I need some kind of support, and I realize that I have to cope with my worries all by myself. It's really deeper than that. Actually , I let him sort of boss me around and talk me down, ect, and I settle for things the way they are. Speaking up seems to cause problems, but the lonliness and isolation, when he isn't around, sometimes seems worse.. I love him and hate him too! Just venting.. Seems like things are going in circles. Guess I feel slighted somehow, and can't tell if it's a symtom of bi-polar, or if it's just my imagination. Anyway, I hope everyone is doing ok..

HoosierBj · 09-10-2003, 07:56 AM

Hi Fran,
This is where we get to be normal for a change. While bad relationships aren't healthy for bipolars, I must admit that the worst part of dealing with the guy in my life has been Communication.
I wish I had the answer on how to miraculously make men want to "share". Even the basics, like finances seem to make them freeze if you specifically sit them down to "talk".
The best luck I've had is to wait til we're in the car and I have his undivided attention (other than the road, This is NOT for arguments!!) and I just kinda start talking. I don't even try to bring stuff up when the TV is on - even during the commercials the remote is busy!
I don't know just how overbearing your guy is, but if you've hung onto your self-esteem that is a good sign. If you haven't, Ann Landers always said to ask yourself the question, "Would I be better off with him, or without him?"
There's a fine line between a guy who is a creep occasionally (or often) and a guy who is abusive. And if your finances/home/emotional attachment are with him it can be difficult at best.
See? No answers! But if you had a cup of coffee in your hand while you read this you did have a Friend over this morning!!

[This message has been edited by HoosierBj (edited 09-10-2003).]