whiskey

I remember getting hit by a car at age 6 because my parents told me to go play in the road after the car hit me my parents would not take me to the doctor I remember my arm hurting forever. I remember them leaving me alone while they went out one time the house was broken into I hid under the kitchen sink praying they would not find me they took all my dads guns and I never have told my parents I was in the house and when they came home I was so glad they were both to drunk to know anything so they didn't call the cops. I remember my brother in law raping my older sister but I was too scared to tell. I rembeber my dad beating with the belt cause I asked a question while he was watching tv. past that I can't remember much at age 12 I was molested my the neighbor but I thought this is great somebody is paying attention to me. after that I remember stealing beer from the fridge my dad never counted them I would go hide and just guzzle them one after another until I was drunk.
my parents alway told me I was fat and no one would ever love me at 13 I used to walk down the main street my parents never missed me and find drugs and guys that would give me the attention I thought I was missing usually the oil riggers passing through town.
aT sixteen I was raped but I was too messed up to go to the police. I think at this point it was supposed to be this way. Even if I was stupid enough to talk to my parents it was shut up or there answer would be you dug your grave you lay in it. These are the things I have remembered in therapy I am sure there is so much more past the dreams I never go anywhere without a blanket. I wonder when I got bipolar II or if I was messeed up from the start It's so hard the rest is just remembering parts I am so scared to know what else I cannot remember maybe I am better just not to know. I hate my parents my mother is dead and my dad I do what I have to to help him he is real sick he always offers money I never take I feel like he is trying to buy my love after what I have been through I hate my life I cannot even function I am 36 and on disability because I can't even hold down a job any kind of stress puts me in bed. Why was I even put in this world I have no use here. the only reason I am married is I was on cocaine as was my husband when he purposed and the kids I don't know what happen the doctor always told me I could.nt have kids if they weren't born I would be dead by know and no one would have missed me

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whiskey

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whiskey