WANTED: MY LIFE BACK! - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

SaFIREeyedAngel · 08-29-2003, 06:20 PM

What I want:
1. My INTENSE creativity
2. My Self-Esteem
3. My Drive and Motivation
4. Revelations
5. Intangiable-Unjaded Happiness
What I hate:
1. My lack of will
2. My dependancy on depakote.
3. Coming to the realization that I'll never fit in
4. Crying so hard that my head aches!
5. No-one understanding me

I LOVE the hypomanic part of (what I have become) I don' care if they are all staring at me,I feel free to be myself,I am SO confident,And I NEVER feel alone!
I get so tired of feeling like I'm inprisioned in my medication bottle,what can set me free?? I want to be me.I want to smile ( all the freggen' time) I want to make other people smile and feel good too!!
DOES ANYONE OUT-THERE UNDERSTAND WHERE I'M COMING FROM ((((OR IS THIS YET ANOTHER ONE OF MY {SEEMINGLY} POINTLESS QUESTS FOR SANITY???)))))
Where does it go from here........

whiskey · 08-29-2003, 07:16 PM

I here ya I love my manic side I am free to be me and the other side sucks I spend most of it in bed trapped my those demons in my head no one seems to understand what I go through the pain I endure. everyone talks about this GOD we believe in i am losing him I pray and pray but I get worse no better where is he doesn't he have to hear a least one of my pleas for help?

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whiskey

SaFIREeyedAngel · 08-29-2003, 07:45 PM

Whiskey-
Thankyou for letting me know that I'm not the only one who feel's like this. there are days that I don't even want to get out of bed...but then there are those days when i jump out of bed (no longer bound by my own dispair) and leap into the shower singing,"I'm sensetive...and I'd like to stay that way"
On the topic of God! I was born and raised being taught about him. And there are times when i (much like yourself) doubt his existance!
But then on the good days...I come to the reality that without him I would have secceced at my prior suicide attemps. I know the only reanon I'm not strapped down to some cold hospital bed gnashing my teeth is because of him. Excuse my frankness,I'm sorry If I offend you (or anyone else) But I firmly believe that I can't just pray and expect miracles--> God's no geenie!! You have to listen as well. Possibly he has answered you, you just have to be open ...

tesla11881 · 08-30-2003, 08:01 AM

I understand your point of view. Some medications tend to take away from a persons creativity. There is a doctor who did a study and found that taking 3000 mg of vitamin C a day at meals greatly improved his patients that were depressed.

I want the same things and struggle with the same things myself. Taking vitamin C has helped my mood quite as bit. Take Care.

scrags · 08-30-2003, 09:18 AM

i feel that way most days also. the days of feeling good are over and they've been replaced with fleeting moments of elation. i'm never really happy for any decent amout of time just long enough to rember what it was like in the past that i barely have any memory of anyway. it is just long enough to tease me, it feel so good when it's here and then gone so fast. i really hate being like this. i wish i knew where it went from here...

your definetly not alone.

hope we all feel better some day.
scrags