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Old 09-20-2006, 07:33 AM   #1
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distroyed HB User
a question for bp ladies? please

Affairs seem to be common with people that are Bp.
in most cases affairs happen because there is something missing in the relationship and that missing component is sought elsewhere.
Do this apply to people with Bp?
would a person with bp still have an affair even if they were happy with their partner?
I'm not looking to use bp as an excuse. just wondering if it's possible to "affair proof" a marriage with a person who has BP

as you can see I'm still struggling with this whole thing

 
Old 09-20-2006, 08:01 AM   #2
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

Distroyed,

I can tell by your post that this affair is "destroying" you... I've never had an affair, my consious would affect me in ways that I would just spiral and totally get out of control.. I can see the temptation when someone is Maniac since they don't have to be looked at with having a diease and can play out this person that really doesn't even exist.... Attention is another factor, I LOVE attention, I am very flirtatious and it has got me into trouble numerous amounts of time not only with the person I'm flirting with but with my boyfriend... I don't think there is an "affair proof" method for ANYTHING let alone BP Disorder... When she did this was she drinking or on some type of drug (other then her meds)??? If this is the case then this affair can take on a whole different story... Drinking and drugs heighten every aspect of BP not to mention how it effects the meds she is on...

I really don't know whatelse to tell you and I'm sorry this happen to you since you do seem like a caring person and you are acknowledging the BP factor in all of this...BUT I strongly suggest that YOU need to put all this energy into letting it go OR face your wife even though she refuses to do that and your concerned that she will just walk away... You can't dwell on this because it will only cause more problems for yourself and then you are not good to anyone especially your kids who need you right now since your wife is having difficuties controlling her BP issues...

I hope this does't offend you because that is not my intention AT ALL...

 
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Old 09-20-2006, 08:24 AM   #3
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

No Dee-Nah you didn't offend me. I don't think that's possible anymore.
she wasn't drinking or on any drugs. she wasn't diagnosed either. it was when her behaviour was seen by her Dr. that they prescribed an antipsycotic.
shortly after that she began to stop the divorce talk and about a month after that the affair ended, she said it was becoming to "real" I wonder if it was the meds taking effect. There is also speculation that something happened to her as a child possibly involving her dad. I know that he wasn't around much and when he was he yelled alot. My dr. said that it may explain the age difference between her and the other guy (he is 20 years older) like a father figure thing, in other words she was seeking what she desperatly wanted as a child. Do you buy that?
I am told that trama as a child can come out in many different ways as an adult

 
Old 09-20-2006, 01:50 PM   #4
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

For some (but not all) people with Bipolar Disorder sexual promiscuity is a SYMPTOM during mania - just like rapid speech, staying up & never sleeping, etc.

This symptom, like many others are pretty much out of control of the person when they are in the middle of a manic phase. Being happy in a marriage has nothng to do with this particular symptom... It is the chemicals that are totally whacked out in your spouse's brain that cause this.

Your best (and ONLY bet I believe) in this situation is to get the Bipolar spouse stabilized on meds... This symptom is uncontrollable during really manic phases and if someone is on meds this should not - I repeat should not happen.
Even bipolar people who are stabilized are sometimes tempted by affairs just like normal folks so there is a difference between an affair, and with sexual promiscuity caused by Bipolar Disorder.

 
Old 09-20-2006, 04:17 PM   #5
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

Ok, here's my side of it. I was married for 10 years to my 2nd husband before I was diagnoised. If not for being on maximum doses of predisone I would have never found out what was wrong with me. As it was I ended up in a psch ward with a great doctor. I have been exhibiting signs since my early teen years. I agree with the others, promiscuity is a symptom of not being medicated. The problem is it's already happened to you. Now you have to decide if you love this woman enough to want to try and mend your relationship, that means counseling for both of you, together and apart mabe. If money is tight ask around your local ministers, churches have some great counseling ministries sometimes at discount rates. There is hurt, pain, and anger along with her bi-polar to work through. When my husband and I went the counselor told us the first rule was that we couldn't fight except in front of him. Good luck to you what ever you decide.

 
Old 09-20-2006, 10:35 PM   #6
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Question Re: a question for bp ladies? please

I've been diagnosed 'bipolar' for 20 years and am single at present. I don't believe that any affairs I have had were caused by bp. I don't know if anything I do is caused by bp though my doctors are adamant that I am bp.
How can anyone possibly tell? Everyone blows their credit card!!

 
Old 09-21-2006, 12:22 AM   #7
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

Distroyed,
i think you are wonderful as you know, but i agree with what Dee-nah is saying. I know how hard you are trying to gain knowledge and understanding of this illness and i think thats a wise thing to do, but i can see with so many of your posts how much you are churning yourself up desperately trying to find a reason for your wife's behaviour.
I can understand how low your confidence and self esteem must be right now, but please try and take the pressure off yourself to find the answers. BP is so complex, hopefully when your wife is fully stabilised this whole nightmare will be over for both of you . But in the meantime all you can do is concentrate in being strong for your kids, who i know you love so much. Someone once told me to let go of everything you have no control over, so please dont dwell on the things you cant change, and devote yourself to the things you can
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Old 09-21-2006, 04:31 AM   #8
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

Distroyed ARE YOU OUT THERE... I noticed that you didn't respond last night so of course I'm worried that this post might of offended you or made you depressed!

Please give us an update on what you think of the suggestions! Your a great person and have always been there when I needed you in several of my post...

For what it's worth I wish I had a husband/boyfriend that cared so much about me = ) Don't sell yourself short...

 
Old 09-21-2006, 04:47 AM   #9
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

Hi guys thank you for your insight.

Dee-Nah, don't worry about offending me you didn't, at all. I look at every post with an open mind and try to understand. You have been great support.

I am starting a new thread about last night

 
Old 09-21-2006, 05:14 AM   #10
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

i TOO was married to a man with this.He was mentally abusive, controlling and quiet the ladies man while i stayed home with our kids.But one other thing the doctor told him he had a testerone embalance.so could hormones make things worse for you?i think so.

 
Old 09-21-2006, 09:13 AM   #11
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Re: a question for bp ladies? please

Destroyed

There are some great responses here. Please take them for what they are worth; respectively. Everyone here means well, and with much care and concern.

During a manic episode a person is so unglued from reality that they cannot comprehend the difference of what is right from what is wrong; they simply have their head stuck in the sand. If a person is hallucinating and is in psychosis believing that their 'marriage is over' or is 'having problems' when in reality it 'is not', then that person will believe the psychosis hallucination- not the reality of the truth. Only because they are a) not taking their meds or b) simply severely manic and need their meds adjusted or c) both a and b.

Things do happen like that. A person will hallucinate stupid crap like that, or believe in things that are 'false beliefs' and think that their family is out to get them, and then run from their own family for fear that their family are people whom they should not trust. That is a person who is in a 'manic phase'- and it is COMPLETELY chemically caused; not controlled by their own selves. They are very sick, need help, and need to be placed in a hospital; immediately.

Whether or not a family member or friend is able to place that person in a hospital, is another story. That is a different scenario. And, to prove the fact that the person is that manic is another story as well. Sometimes in certain situations a person must be very suicidal to be admitted into the hospital verses being just manic; and that really stinks. That is the case in my state- and it royally is the pits.

If you do love a person who is like this, then do something about it. You are a part of the relationship too.

I wish I had oodles of advice to share but I don't. Living with a Bipolar Person is like riding the waves in the ocean. It can sometimes be rough out there, and sometimes be very calm. You just never know how the tides will be or when the hurricane will hit.

Hang in there and keep us all posted.

Coffeegirl
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