New Here, delusions? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Tinkerbell28 · 09-28-2006, 08:23 AM

Hello everyone !! Im a 22 year old female. I suffer from anxiety panic disorder, and bipolar ( well never got a clear diagnoses of the bipolar).Im not on any medication right now, Im scared to take them. I've been hospitalized 4 times in the past 2 years. Lately Im scared to go out of the house, my anxiety level has been really high. I've been thinking really crazy things, we are going to be nuked, a comet is going to hit the earth, were going to have a tsunami, someone poisened my food. I've been obsessed with these things. I cant stop thinking of them. I was in the bath yesterday, and thought the room was tilting back and forth. I havent been sleeping good, when I do sleep, I have really bad nightmares. I cant go to the doctors because Im scared to leave the house, I just feel really weird, I cant really explain it. What is going on with me??? Any thoughts as to what Im experiencing right now? Note to Moderator, you can move this to where you think this post should be

jgr01 · 09-28-2006, 08:34 AM

Hi Tinkerbell,

welcome.
Well, I wouldn't like to suggest what is going on with you; I'm not a pdoc, but all your symptoms are certainly related to anxiety and mania.
I would really urge you to start taking the meds; you can't live like this at all. If nothing changes, they will of course monitor and medicate until they get it right.
I really feel for you.

Tinkerbell28 · 09-28-2006, 09:00 AM

Thanks for the reply jgr01 !! Im just scared to death to take the meds. I was on paxil for a year (14-15), did so well on it. Went off it when I got pregnant with my son. Tried it a few other times after I had my son and had HORRIBLE side effects. Then last time I was in the hospital they put me on depekoate and Lexapro, and one of them was messing with my kidneys. So Im really scared to take anything. I was prescribed ativan at the ER, and it REALLY helped. But havent taken it in over a month, Im scared Im going to get addicted to it. I just cant live my life like this. I have a 6 year old son I need to be there for. Im so scared Im never going to be normal again. I use to have a life.

Aeolian · 09-28-2006, 09:43 AM

As hard as it may be try to cling to the positive, getting help is a positive thing in whatever form it takes. It takes courage to be able to ask for help and there is no shame in it.

jgr01 · 09-28-2006, 10:05 AM

Hi Tinkerbell,

I know how you feel. I stopped my meds the other day; (note to Aeolian restarted last night!) because I am just so confused and fed up with taking them and importantly they seem to be completely useless right now. So, I'm going back to the doc and probably going back into a unit. I can't cope at home right now and my family need a break. Plus I must get the meds right.
Really, your meds just aren't right (absent!). You can have a life but the responsibility of your son requires that you have to maybe relinquish some of the dangerous but exciting elements of the condition. Totally crap. I KNOW !!!!