Self medication... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

jgr01 · 09-29-2006, 02:52 PM

So, I went to the hospital today. My husband made me...
Well, what can I say. I hated it. Hated admitting it. Hated sitting with all the people staring at me. Scared suddenly that another documented episode will just prevent me doing more things in future. Even the psychiatrist said today after i listed this things/jobs that I've always wanted to do 'well, we have the life and conditions we have'. *****ing great. There in his suit and aftershave, rolex watch and jewelry. Yes it's okay for you isn't it? I wanted to shout. Stop looking at me as some abject failure, I feel that already thank you!

Anyway. He's upped the Depakote and added diazepam..
He wanted to take me in, but not a section, under my own volition - I actually decided 'no' let me do this at home (although for weeks i've wanted to go somewhere to get away). He thinks I will be there in the next few weeks because i have an unhealthy relationship (but not yet an alcoholic) with alcohol. He really got worried that my real father was a chronic alcoholic for 30 yrs. Yes but my grandma was institutionalised for 95% of her life with mental illness and 4 other close members of my family have some mental illness...

So, I don't drink until I believe the meds aren't keeping the symptoms balanced. But of course most times i don't recognise what's happenning.

What's your experience of it?

He wants me to seek help wrt to relationship with alcohol too.

Dee-nah · 09-29-2006, 07:02 PM

Maybe you should go away??? When I went to the hospital it was the best thing i've ever done.. I was with 24 Women all who had BiPolar! We learned so much from one another and still have contact with each other. If I can't find my way out of a situation, I call them! If you are trying to get better then do it!!!! Don't drink because it just doesn't mesh well with the meds, you know that. You can make the best of a bad situation. When I was hospitalized I wanted to know EVERYTHING... I absorbed anything that I could take... Trust me I know the racing thoughts, can't sit still feeling but I took what I could and I'm still doing it. I'm in OPT now and it's helped!

YOU get what you want to get out of this and when you get stablized, etc GO AND GET THAT ROLEX....

mudhound · 09-30-2006, 05:51 PM

I'd stay clear of the booze. Most meds do not work well with booze.
My wife has been sober for 3 years now. Gosh, it's funny that she has been hosp free for just about the same time. Go figure.

jgr01 · 10-01-2006, 02:14 PM

Hi Dee-Nah and Mudhound,

hmmm, I felt again like going in today. Really Really agressive. My voice and throat are hoarse with the screaming and roaring I let off in the garden because my husband wouldn't let me cook Sunday lunch

I'm really up for stopping the binge drinking that occurs with the sleepness nights and partying for days....but the odd glass with dinner? I can't bear the thought of never again having a Pouilly Fuisse with my King Scallops. I mean, surely, the binge drinking is when the meds are losing the battle with the mania? It's typically around the same time as taking on loads of extra work etc and generally being 'manic'. So, I guess, I have to look for the symptoms of mania more and keep going back to the doc if it happens?

I don't binge everynight or even every month. Normally about every 8 weeks or so, which is concurrent with my cycles was i was first diagnosed.

Dee-nah · 10-02-2006, 05:23 AM

I know it's hard and it's sucks but you need to take care of yourself. I've never had a substance abuse problem so I don't know what your going through personally but I have loves one that do and it only adds more fuel to the fire! I also think that any pdoc will suggest that you stop as well, that is why I think going away maybe a good idea for you! I just want to see you get better and not through yourself into a maniac state!

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!