Well, a quick history for those of you who don't know me.... Diagnosis changed from Major Depressive Disorder (which had for years following a breakdown) to BP only a couple of weeks ago. Have been toying with accepting / rejecting the diagnosis on the basis of all the www reading I have done on the subject.
However, after speaking to my BF and close friend (don't have that many due to my BP rages!!!!) in depth about my behaviour, I feel not only satisifed but relieved to have the diagnosis.
They have explained that they recognise 'when I am gone' (in a complete BP rage). They both agree that there is just no getting through to me at all and that I am a danger to myself and others around me. They have given me many instances - jumping out windows, trying to run my BF over, throwing knives, starting major arguments with people I normally get along with (and in public), driving dangerously, arriving at their doorsteps at 03:00hrs in uncontrollable states - the list goes on and on and on.........
As my BF describes it, one minute I would be as mentioned above with him and then next I'm looking for wedding dresses - totally up and down, round and round.
The things is, I never realised all of this occurred - to me this was a 'normal' existance. Somehow when I had come down from my rage I was able to step right back into my 'normal' life. It wasn't until now, when I have had it all poited out, that I realise and accept that actually - this is far from normal.
The worrying thing is that if my BF hadn't made me tell my psychiatrist (whom I've seen for many years) about all these manic rages, I would still be diagnose as a depressive - how wrong that is!!! Now, on mood stabiliser (Carbamazepine / Tegretol) I am feeling much more in control of who and what I am.....
Thank-you to my BF and friend for being completely honest with me, and thank-you for hanging round despite my behaviour. Hopefully now with the right meds and the realisation that this isn't normal behaviour I can be proactive about changing it.
Thank-you,
Nut.
You have just taken the first big step towards getting better and that is admitting that you are Bipolar and getting the help that you need to stabilize yourself.
Linear Mode
