no matter who i talk to no one knows what it is like to live w/this horror everyday. i used to be selfsufficent and able to take care of my teenagers without anyone elses help now my family is always involved, dont get me wrong i am very grateful for them but now i am a completly deferent person and no one can understand how this feels.
the one thing about bipolar is that is does strip you down on the inside and you are no longer know who you are. and you do become a different person.
the beautiful thing about this is that you can fill yourself up with whatever you want! the things that bipolars tend to learn most about are compassion, empathy, beauty, appreciation. and these are wonderful things. just try to nurture your new qualities and see where it takes you!
maybe an open, honest conversation with your family about these types of things would go far. people aren't used to others being so frank, but i think they tend to like it. we hold in our feelings and emotions so much!
i would recommend a journal. you can think through things before approaching your family as well as figuring yourself out.
don't know your situation, but if you still are not stable, do not give up. it takes a lot of strength and endurance. but, whoever is above gave you this challenge because he knew you could handle it.
I feel for you ladebug. I have been through two marriages before BP became a problem. I ran the houselhold with five kids, was the major breadwinner, cordinated all schedules....you get the point. I have been reduced to relying on other people making as many decesion for me as I can get away with. And while I find this COMPLETE change in my personality disturbing, I am also grateful for it. It did allow me to see the better side of life (IMO). I am know with a wonderful man who totally understands me and all of the "uniqeness" that is me. I have a VERY close relationship with my parents...one that had previously been straind from `3 on. I understand that money is not everything and that working for it so hard had caused me to loose track of myself. Dont get me wrong it sucks alot of the time, but when i take the time to single out each individual change in my personality I do learn to appreciate it. Just keep hanging in there!
Last edited by Raven Rain; 10-01-2006 at 07:44 PM.
i sort of know what you mean. I miss the totally independent person i was. I managed to get out of an abusive relationship, run a company, look after my daughter and manage a property portfolio. Now I am a housewife. And I don't seem to be much good at that either!
Money isn't everything, but it helps. I feel guilty for the stress my condition causes my family. I resent the incapacity I feel most of the time.
I am now in the midst of moving back to the coast - where I'm originally from, to get out of the ever present rat race I am faced with everyday and that which i cannot ever do again; if I want to outlive my kids. This will mean my husband is away in London all week and I will be on my own with my daughter. But back in the country by the sea, the fresh air, a small community who have known me since a child. We both believe it's the best thing for me....but how much pressure?!!!!!
But, my real friends do tell me I am the most honest, empathetic, kind and socially aware person they know....not sure how to make money on that though! But I am happy to know that's how they perceive me. You're not alone and you will find your way. x
Boy do I hear you! I am just now realizing how this _ _ it has and is causing me loss of who I was. I am so far thankful I have found a wonderful man who is understanding and doesn't even ask me what I am crying about. He KNOWS. Hang in there for yourself and for your kids.
yeah, most of us feel lonely most of the time and it's difficult to reach out to people who you think don't understand. Sometimes maybe they do think you are a bit crazy but I think maybe they are so caught up in their own problems and lives that they are't even looking that closely at our moods or waht is bothering us. Stay communicating on the boards - it helps. Get a therapist, even if you only see him/her once a month. They provide perspective on things. I am going through a hard time right now. I've been in 3 car accidents in less than a month (only one of which was my fault). The last was a hit and run and now I am forced to pay for the rental car and deductible. I am just greatful my daughter wasn't hurt. People aren't always going to do the right thing, but when they sense you are lonely and / or depressed don'T expect them to come running to make you feel better. I have found most people (including my parents) are more superficial than that. I would recommend a counselor , join some help groups and keep in touch with the rest of us. Best wishes to you.
I appriciate what u have had to say to me. I have been going through this for six years now and lost my husband, job and home, and was forced to move home with my family two years ago or be homless. It has been a long road to accept the fact that this is who I am now and I am still working on that. Somedays it's just very overwhelming. I do not have the support of anyone like me to lean on. Im hoping to find that here. Thank-you
I feel as though I am in mourning for myself, and trying to get to know myself all over again. After thirty-eight years thats hard to do. This is the part that no one in my family seems to understand although they see the difference in me. I know one day at a time but some times that seems like an a eternity.