so...for the past several yrs. i've experienced manic-like and depression symptoms. typically full-on in spring and fall. this last cycle has been the worst and i think i've noticed it more because i now i have a 10 mos. old son and husband. i had been seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for meds (no meds during pregnancy, but still the ups/downs in spring and fall). so no i started seeing a psychiatrist/therapist (does both psychanalytic therapy and is MD to prescribe).
i had a 2 mos. period of going to bed approx. 9-10 p.m. and up b/w midnight and 4a.m. this brought me to a primary care doc. to rule out physical symptoms...none found. so i sought the above combo. doc. and am now on neurontin (seems to be best for anxiety) and have been given zyprexa for night (sleep and to get me out of the hypomania or mania...don't know what it is). HELP ME GUYS!!! what do you think i have??? i fluctuate in moods nearly momentarily. my best and EXTREMELY productive mood is from 5a.m. until around 10 a.m. after that i crash into depression (tearful, hopeless, etc.) around 2p.m. the only thing keeping me going is my son. he's my utter JOY. no intention to hurt myself because i love him so much but if i were alone, i'd be a goner. i even had urges to shoplift today...what's that about???? i have no need to do so. also, last weekend (nighttime) drove around to try and find a psychic to help me. i don't do psychics. i'm confused, in pain and want to be medicated properly and just have a shot at getting in a better state. i'm afraid to come out of mania-like states because i HATE depression. so...there ya go. any thoughts from anyone more experienced than i am? oh, i'm also super thin...don't even think about eating and am 10 lbs. thinner than before i had my baby. food doesn't even look good...i just want the day to be over once about 2 p.m. hits.
i definitely had manias with the odd depression prior to the birth of my daughter 8 years ago. However, the birth brought on my first major dellusional mania. I too went from 9 1/2 stone to under 7 stone within 2 weeks of the birth. I couldn't sleep, didn't eat and took on major structural work to the house while my partner was at work or asleep at night! I had a case worker who misdiagnosed Post Natal depression; which I guess given the floods of tears I would have in the afternoon and complete withdrawal and inability to speak would suggest such....but what about the other symptoms I ask myself?!
Anyway, I still find my most active and 'happy' periods are between 5am - 11am. Especially when everyone else is in bed! Come lunchtime I begin to feel tired, lethargic, depressed and despairing. It helps to have friends come round, or force myself to go out. For you especially with a young baby which can feel very isolating. I challenge any mother to say she didn't actually get bored on her own with a young child. Can you not join a mothers group? As well as seek help with your mood swings. I'm sure you'll find other mothers with similar feelings of boredom and hence desparation.
your response was a delight. in the sense that i know i'm not just a !!! if you would share, do you have BP and what type? i can understand why i'm so manic in the a.m. when i can be ALONE and get things done for me...and of course all the house work i have to do along. my husband is a 'go off all meds they're bad' type of person, so he's not much help. and when i ask for an hr. or so w/out my little sweetpea to take a break and talk w/ a friend he complies, but in a way that he looks very annoyed. i'm seeing an excellent therapist/MD to prescribe and counsel me. we'll see. i just want to know what the diagnosis is so i can feel attached to something. i keep saying i hate labels, but now i want one so i can at least feel like i'm not making all of this up in my head. the paranoia and impulsivity around shopping and even a thought of shoplifting occurred!!! i would NEVER have done that before this mania. but...i don't want the depression to hit and now that he has me on zyprexa the tears are even coming in the a.m. (5 a.m. to be exact this morning). anyhow, thanks again. anymore advice would be helpful. maybe there is a female w/ children support group for bipolars in my area.
Motherhood is sooo difficult. What did you do before your little Sweetpea came along? I actually found going back to work against my case worker advice helped , then. There is certainly nothing wrong with realising you're not the mother next door who's whole life is baking cakes and hand washing nappies and making up lullabyes!
I did have symptoms before my daughter, but was so relieved when I got diagnosed. Ask any questions you like. Can't promise to know all the answers, but will always try.
Your hubby needs to try to be a bit more understanding - he may well be and you just can't see it because of how you feel. Then again he could be scared or still in the camp of anti-mental conditions.
thanks for your comments again. i did just go back to work (full-time) in june (when my little Mikey was 7 mos. old) and i definitely found that working was less strenuous (on my poor wasting away body) than staying home w/ him. i love him dearly, but i am not the 'mom next door' who can stay w/out adult contact and career. so...things were great until aug.--mid-aug. when the mania/no sleep and crazy behaviors began. this lasted until early sept. when i finally sought some help (ruled out physical issues) and am now playing chemistry set w/ my brain and am on neurontin (which does help w/ anxiety), i just started zyprexa at night for sleep and to get out of the mania, and have ativan if i need it for anxiety. since i seem to be sleeping better now for the last 3 days, my psych. added wellbutrin, which i've been on before and has seemed to help. that's the scoop. he can't dig into any 'therapy' until i stabilize w/ what's going on in my head. but i LOVE having the mania and not sleeping and getting things done, but now i'm crashing pretty hard and cry a lot and just keep thinking i'm a bad mommy for wanting to be at work, but then miss him when i'm there, then when i'm w/ him all day on the weekends, i just need like 1 hr. alone and my husband can be a real jerk about it (or i take it in that way...more likely).
so that's the latest. i asked my psych. today what i 'had' and he said you're just dealing w/ a serotonin and norepinephrine imbalance (no labels). i want a label so i know i'm not just making things up.
sorry to ramble. but thank you for your comments...particularly about the work thing and not being a bad mommy for wanting to be a working mom. it helps my brain, which ultimately helps my relationship w/ baby mikey. so again, thank you much. now it's time to make bobbies and take the zyprexa (this should be a quote in some book of insanity...or a dark comedy of sorts ; ).
I'm rapid cycling BP 1. Meds are Depakote 2000mg and Clonazepam (short term only cause very addictive, but i am sleeping like a baby!)
My episodes are generally 4 mania's a year that build over 8 weeks with 2 being delusional/psychotic then crash for 1-2 weeks. If I'm lucky the first 3 weeks of the cycle feel normal, although this time I've been cycling hourly with mixed moods.....
hi there. thanks again for all your comments from last week. this weekend my husband and i went on a vacation from the baby (just holiday for the wknd. up on the north shore of lake superior minnesota). he seems to think that my problem isn't bipolar, but that i'm too thin (and have an eating disorder). i eat...it just doesn't taste and when i'm manic i don't think about it. i honestly have no appetite and could give a rat's behind about food...which is too bad because i really do love to eat.
so...i'm struggling w/ my husband's idea that i should go off all my meds and just get a baseline on my mood. he forgets i have done this and it's been awful .
i'm currently on 1800 mg neurontin, 5 mg zyprexa for sleep, 1 mg ativan only when i need it (re: super high anxiety and/or stress) and now we added 100 mg, going up to 200 mg wellbutrin for the depression that will inevitably hit once the hypomania dies down, which it has been. i've been sleeping about 4.5 - 5 hrs./night now w/ the help of the zyprexa.
anyway, just wanted to get your thoughts on this. when i asked my psych/MD about a diagnosis, he said "i have a serotonin and norepinephrine imbalance". so, i guess he's not into labeling, which is good, but i just wish i knew what was happening. i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and trying to still be super mom (work 40 hrs/wk and take care of my precious little mikey).
Hi~ Congratulations on your little one! It sounds like you are fighting the mommy syndrome. What to do. Don't count yourself short. You are doing the best you can do.
I am not able to work for now, due to the Bipolar Disorder. I have two boys who are in Elementary School- ages 7; non-twins; adopted. After we adopted them, I went through a very rough phase of guilt and frustration. It was a transition period. Every parent goes through one with a new child, as an addition to a family is a huge undertaking and 'big event' alterating experience.
When there is a big event in ones life, such as birth of a new child, marriage, job promotion, illness, death in the family, etc., these are things that can spike one into mania/depression/hypomania. After we adopted our children, it wasn't more than a year later when I slipped into a huge mania that was horrible. All aspects of mania. Yuck. Then afterwards I slipped into a dark depression which sometimes follows a mania cycle.
BTW, I have BP II with rapid cycling.
Hope you are doing okay. Keep posting and take care.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
i think i'm a rapid cycler too. they diagnosed me 2 yrs. ago as BP II. i'm just CRAVING the mania...i mean, seriously, w/ the mania/hypomania, i can actually get work done at 2a.m. (not sleeping here) while my husband and little boy are in bed. i've done everything from sell all my things i don't need/want on Ebay, to now obsessing over creating an online store/website to partner w/ a friend of mine to start an online and potentially local business i'm a nut case!! i'm also working 40 hrs. a week w/ alcoho/drug addict adolescents screening them for depression and bipolar as well. my life is full and i'm seriously feeling like a breakdown is coming.
the doc/therapist prescribed zyprexa, 7.5 mg. a night but i don't take it because i'd rather be manic than depressed. i also am on the wellbutrin, neurontin and ativan for any anxiety feelings (only on an as needed basis).
so that's my scoop. i can't take time to slow-down. it's a constant circus.
wow. thanks for listening. although the greatest thing and the theing that keeps me from dropping off is my little 11 mos. old honey. i'm lucky to have him and want to be a healthy mommy
You sound like me back when I was in college. Doing everything all at once- the all or none theory. Staying up to the wee hours of the morning throughout the week to get things done on little or no sleep, and not feeling tired. That is a sign of mania coming on or hypomania. Continue to work with your pdoc on this, and be honest with them so they can help you. Otherwise, you could get very ill and then you will not be able to care for your little baby very well in the best manner you want to.
Trust me on this. When I had my manic episode, I had to place my two sons into day care full time afterwards. It was awful. And, I was a stay-at-home mom too. It was devesting. Then once they began preschool, that ended, and they were back in my care again. That was about 4-5 months. It was awful.
Take care of yourself, and do what the doctors ask of you. Do some yoga, get exercise, eat well, and get some sleep- if possible. Your body needs sleep. New mommies need sleep.
Thinking of you and hope you are doing well today.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
thanks for all the replies. i appreciate it. was up at 2:30 this a.m., but my eyes are just now feeling sleepy again (go figure...i hve to get ready for work in 30 min. anyway, i say my pdoc yesterday and he keeps saying i'm getting better when inside i want to literally crawl out of my skin.
morning is o.k. and when the hypomania was high, i sold everything i could find on ebay, oranganized all my jewerly and gave pieces i didn't use naymore to appropriate friends. i was a nut case.
now, it's more depression and agiation (i gues that's expeted after the maniia...inevitably you have to come down...which i DON'T want to, of course. my head just spins over and over on things and i'm a bad person, mom, wife, employee, etc. SUCKS!!!! and i hate this zyprexa...i took it arond 10a.m. and im drowny and usually morning is the most productive time...while the babies (including my u=husband). so that's it. my eyes are so tiel hope to talk to you soon na==and it was a great conf=versatoi==ion.