can i only sit by and watch??? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

maraboo · 10-01-2006, 10:16 PM

where to start? thats the hard part..... well i'll start out by saying i'm not bipolar... i have a very best friend who is. I'm in a ****** position at the moment, i only have contact with her mother who is the only one that she'll let in her house for weeks now. I don't know what to do and i feel utterly helpless... i want so badly to help her, i want so badly to make her WANT to live and i want so badly for her to let me be there for her.........none of which i can do at the moment. She has already tried to commit suicide once about 2 years ago, so i know she is capable of doing it again. I'm scared and i dont' know what to do....... she's very right when she's said in the past that i'd just never understand that i don't know what its like to feel the way she does .... but she doesn't realize how hard it is for me to watch her slip away little by little... just watch... and know i can't help. Every time the phone rings and her moms number comes up, my heart races for fear of what her mom is going to tell me. She's lost soo much weight and its only been 3 weeks.... what can i do, please just tell me .... what??

LAP18 · 10-02-2006, 06:45 PM

I'm really sorry you are going thru this. My daughter is bi polar and no one except for me knows how her illness hurts me. I, like you, worry so much that I will wake up to a dead child. She has attempted suicide three times, her last two were very seroius attempts. I want,like you, to take her pain away. I want her to live. I want her to be happy. I want her to let me be there for her. She too tells me that I have no idea what she is going thru. (she is 17). I tell her that I do, becuase I FEEL her pain. I really do. I cry a lot. I probably cry more than she does.

I know I am not offering you anyhting. I am not giving you any tools to help with your BP friend. All I can do is tell you that I know what it feels like to feel helpless and incompetent. I also know that your friend needs you. She might act as if you are in her way, but I know she feels your love.

There isn't much you can do. You are part of her illness. Be strong and be there for her. Just like you are doing.
LAP

tsohl · 10-02-2006, 09:03 PM

Hello LAP,

Would it be possible for you to send things through the mail or leave notes, or have your friend's mom take a note to her? Even though she says she does not want to see or hear from you, if she received a note she would know you were thinking about her. You never know what small thing might make a difference.

I understand what you're going through. It is such a helpless feeling.
Hopefully someone on the board who has been the one feeling the same as your friend will write in with some insight for you. best, tsohl

maraboo · 10-02-2006, 10:28 PM

Lap, first.. thanks for responding.... and second, thanks for sharing your own story, i feel a little less horrible about being completely useless. I've known this girl most of my life and she was diagnosed about 6 or 7 years ago, and it seems like they never get the meds quite right... and when they do finally... they stop working after a year or two for some unknown reason?? I know she knows i love her and care about her very much, but she just feels like she doesn't deserve to be loved..... Reading your words reminds me of her mother, an amaizingly understanding and caring woman.... thats soo scared and doesn't know what to do except be there and pray that tomorrow will be a better day..... I keep on calling every day hoping its the day that she's actually going to pick up :0(

Tsohl, even though her mom said not to call too much... i really can't help it, i still call every night and leave a message, i keep it brief and cheerful, just to say hi. Her mother "instructed me" to be careful what i say (nothing about going to the doctor or anything that would make her feel bad or guilty) I did however, last night, send her an email and she did respond... only with a few words but that was enough for me!!

tsohl · 10-03-2006, 12:06 AM

I really commend you for trying to keep in touch, making the effort to call even when you know she won't pick up the phone.

As you're learning, psychiatry is not a precise science and the meds don't always work in a predictable way. It is especially difficult to find the right mix of meds for a younger person as they are still growing, their bodies are changing, hormones are rising, etc. I hope her Mom has faith in the daughter's doctors and that they are trying different combinations of meds for her. Sometimes this is a very long process to find what works. Hopefully your friend will find something soon that works for her. Have you ever known her when she was relatively happy and stable? tsohl