Mom-"I still don't think you have it" - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

frozeninside · 10-03-2006, 08:19 PM

So, tonight, after realizing my cell phone has been stolen, I only have $15 in the bank, and I have a huge car payment coming up at the end of the week, I broke down to my parents and explained to them my financial situation and how I got myself into it with my manic spending sprees...and they immediately jumped in and said, "Alright now, we don't want to hear you throwing that word around here. That's no excuse. Manic...puh-lease."

Later on, after some more fighting, I tried to get my mom to say the word, "BIPOLAR." She wouldn't say it, and that's when she told me she doesn't think I have the disorder.

I've never been more upset with them. I hate them. This I know for sure. I called my therapist to schedule an immediate family meeting because I can't go on with their insane lack of support and complete ignorance.

gav_73 · 10-03-2006, 08:32 PM

Frozen,

I just wanted to write a quick comment to your current situation. As with so many things, I can definitely relate to you about your relationship with your parents. Only after having almost nothing to do with them for several years are we able to get along now, but we are still just beginning to be able to talk about things beyond the surface. I really feel terrible for you, because I know how difficult it is to say that you hate your parents. I've said it hundreds of times (in my head, mainly) and it hurt every time. I have been VERY resentful nearly my entire life. It consumed me. And we both have EVERY right to be upset with them as far as I can see, bipolar or not. As for me, I had to cut all ties, not depend on them for anything, and I mean NOTHING--no support, no money, no understanding, nothing!--before we were able to have a decent relationship with each other. It's terribly hurtful and damaging for us, particularly because we already have to deal with stereotypes, stigma, and rejection, not to mention the disorder itself. It is a very lonely place to be, I know, and it does a real number on the self esteem, let me tell you. But I'm sure you know that.

Is there anyone else you can turn to to help you out of this rut? Grandparents? Friends? Try to take a deep breath and try not to dwell or obsess on their shortcomings and your resentment, as it can eat you ALIVE! The only advice I can think to give is to try to distance yourself from them as much as possible after this current situation is resolved. Try to learn not to rely on them, and you will find that you are stronger than you think without being shot down at every corner. Along with your new treatment, distance from them might enable you to become more independent and more confident. If you can do that, you will very likely start to feel better about yourself. You have to get away from that negativity; it will hinder all the progress you're making with treatment.

I just want you to know that I COMPLETELY understand what you're going through. Distance was the only way that I could salvage my relationship with my parents, and more importantly, my sanity. Now, I can say that things are pretty good. I had to force myself to maintain the relationship because I have a 13 year old daughter who loves them dearly, and they love her and treat her VERY well, much better than they ever treated me. But I do have to say, as they get older, they are getting better...and so am I.

You will, too. But you've got to get away from that situation.

Keep your chin up, Frozen. Remember, YOU know who you are inside, YOU what you're going through. You don't need their approval or validation. You are your own person, with your own talents and gifts to present to the world. They are not your world. They are just people...

frozeninside · 10-03-2006, 08:41 PM

Keep your chin up, frozen. You know who you are, what you're going through. You don't need their approval or validation. You are your own person, with your own talents and gifts to present to the world. They are not your world. They are just people...

Best advice I've ever received.

crazyladi99 · 10-03-2006, 09:04 PM

alot of people from the baby boomer generation dont like to admit problems like that or they tend to have complete denial if someone in there family has a problem like that. I am sorry that you are going through this and i hope that they will see.

gav_73 · 10-03-2006, 09:32 PM

Hold your head high, Frozen. You can get through this, with or without them. You will find a way. You're strong, you're great, you're caring and sweet, you're going to be fine. Remember that in the face of adversity, of negativity. Parents are just people, like you and me. They are not superheros, and sometimes, they're not even that great. Unfortunately for us, we ended up with the not-so-great ones. But, I survived it, and so will you. When they start to say mean things to you, just turn your back and walk away. Don't listen to it. I know it's easier said than done. But think of it this way, you only have to hear what you want to hear. You have control over that. If you don't want to hear anything negative, make a commitment to yourself that you won't, and react when you do. Condition your body to respond to negativity by walking away. You could even tell them that you won't stand for it. But first, you have to learn how to let go of them. It's very difficult. But if you can become more independent, you will become less afraid, more in control of the situation. Basically, cut out anything they could hold over your head, like financial assistance. If you don't need them, you will have a lot more control over how to handle situations like this.

You go, girl!