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Old 10-04-2006, 04:19 PM   #1
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coffeegirl2 HB User
Unhappy Insecurities about self...

Is something wrong with me? I'm appying for volunteer work and am getting tons of anxiety about filling out the form for application. Infact, it is making me nausiated and very edgy. Oh well, that will happen.

Why am I feeling this way? Do others feel like this? I have agoraphobia, and I know this is part of the problem (social anxiety). Volunteering would be very good for me, along with being around other people. The only thing is the being around others I think upsets me more than I have realized.

Never did I once think I would be a loner. In my younger years, I was a very lively, outgoing, and vivid person who talked to everyone, including strangers. Yes- MANIC constantly, and unmedicated for years. So, why wouldn't I be like that? It was pure elation and wonderful. Confident- you bet! Now, I am insecure, and it is a nightmare. The toll it takes on one is utterly devistating. This illness can do a number on a person like no other at times.

Trying to understand if and when the application will even get mailed. Hmm... if it happens, and when it does, are two different issues. Then there are the 3 non-related relatives for contacts. Those have to be people that know of my illness incase they call and ask because a physical is required and tehy will want to know all about my illness and the meds I take. OH BOY! This volunteer job is no different than a typical job- it is at a hospital. I don't blame them for wanting to be thorough, but gosh, it is upsetting to a certain degree. One of the people I plan to use doesn't think I should volunteer. She thinks I should work, and doesn't understand why I don't work- even though I have explained it to her many times before (the pdoc won't let me). She does not get it. That is frustrating. So, I don't go around her much anymore nor confide in her.

Thanks.

Coffeegirl
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Old 10-05-2006, 04:13 AM   #2
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Picali HB User
Re: Insecurities about self...

Hiya Coffe Girl,
Do you get any counselling for your agrophobia? I get anxious about stuff and have recently accepted that going back to my old career isn't going to happen, but don't experience the insecurities to the level that you do, so I wondered if you were getting any professional help?

Also wondered if there might be 'easier' places for you to do a little voluntary work whilst you build your confidence up? A lady I met in hospital had dreadful agrophobia and hadn't left the house for about two years - had everything delivered and never went outside. They had to sedate her when she first started attending as a day patient as she was in such a state, but she gradually got to a point were she was able to do voluntary work. She just started doing a couple of hours a week at a cat rescue place - it meant she was getting experience and getting 'out there', but she wasn't with people most of the time and she found that easier - as far as I know she went from strength to strength and doesn't have the same difficulties at all anymore. So I just wondered if there's anywhere else you could volunteer that maybe wouldn't want all your medical history and so many referees?

Would also get rid of the numpty that thinks you should work and not volunteer - people like that are not helpful.

Hope the anxiety eases - I also find Rescue Remedy good when I need to calm down a bit.

 
Old 10-05-2006, 05:44 AM   #3
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Re: Insecurities about self...

Coffeegirl ~ I just wanted to send you some (((HUGS))). I really don't know what it feels like as far as what you are going through but I wanted to just tell you that I am so proud of you for putting all of you efforts into facing your fears.

Erin has such a lack of confidence as well and wonder if that is a part of the BP. A year ago she was asked to do a reading at her Confirmation....she had been chosen amongst 200 kids. I was her teacher and she was going to decline because she said that she was not a good reader. Despite being her teacher, I must be honest that there was no bias on my part when I told her that she was the best reader in the class. I left the decision all up to her and told her to let the coordinator know but shared with her how I had found that when I was afraid of something I, that when I faced it head on most of the time I found that my fears were unwarranted.

Well, she did end up doing the reading and she was fantastic!!! And I must admit she did better than I ever could have!! I must say that although she still lacks confidence, she did feel better having done something that she really was afraid to do.

Perhaps you will find that as time goes on, the more that you get out there the easier it will be. Babysteps, Coffeegirl....you can do it!!!

((((HUGS)))) from on of your many fans here ~ Goody

 
Old 10-05-2006, 01:43 PM   #4
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ronniesteers HB User
Re: Insecurities about self...

I like the inspirational stories but just wanted to tell you that I can truly relate to feeling insecure, especially in my family. My oldest sister has been settled with her husband for God knows how long, is loved by all while all I seem to do is have all the problems and struggle. Even better, my daughter is 5 years old and I just found out 4 days ago that sister is having twins! I hope you feel better.

 
Old 10-06-2006, 08:17 AM   #5
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Re: Insecurities about self...

Hi Coffergirl,

yes, I get agoraphobic, definitely. It's new to me, BUT, even before I was medicated and was always high, I've always had a downer on myself. "Not as intelligent; Not as pretty; Not as worthy;" you get it. Now I suffer with paranoia, a lot. Everyone is staring at me ALL THE TIME, when I'm up or down. Every time I try to give up smoking it just makes it worse; it's like an emotional crutch when I have to go somewhere or do something on my own....killing me too. But, I do know that I will get better, but like my Mum said yesterday, I should probably seek some help about my negative self image...afterall BP is an emotional manifestation brought on by an imbalance. Any scripts we may have of ourselves are exacerbated by the condition (I believe). There's good book to read by . Louisa Hay - You can heal your Life - which is about this sort of thing. Positive thinking etc. sort of CBT in a book; all about perception. Maybe you should give that a read in conjunction with the other support you get from pdocs and meds?

 
Old 10-06-2006, 02:02 PM   #6
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makeworldgoaway HB User
Re: Insecurities about self...

I can't help but I can certainly relate. I (generally) only go out once a week, to the grocery store about 2 miles from here. I have dark sheets up on most of my windows. I am married with 3 grown children & used to do everything normal but not anymore. Even when I make that one trip a week, either I feel everyone's staring, or I get ****** at them & want to yell but don't...can't wait to get home. Sometimes I don't want to try.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 10:21 PM   #7
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Re: Insecurities about self...

hi just take one day at a time . dont worry about anyone.fill out the application when you feel better. It will be good for you to do volunteer work.because at least if you aren't feeling well you can have the day or week off. I work and at times I don't want to get out of bed so i don't. you aren't alone keep your spirits up kind regards ok2day

 
Old 10-12-2006, 06:37 AM   #8
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coffeegirl2 HB User
Re: Insecurities about self...

Hi Gals

I received the volunteer applications. I have put them aside for when I am able to do so, and feel comfortable in filling them out. Right now, I think I am hypomanic, and that is not a good time to begin a new journey in doing a good task at hand. However, I do know down the road, I will in deed volunteer. When, that is the question.

Thank you for your support. It is great to come here.

Coffeegirl
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