In my opinion, you have to let go of your resistance to take the medications. Med management is a difficult process, and you may not have been on the right medications or the right dosage before. Sometimes, we have to search and search for the right balance. It's not fun, but when weighed against the alternative--depression, intense anger, insomnia, and all the consequences that go along with our inability to make good decisions--taking medicine for the rest of your life isn't so bad if you think about it. Look at it like this: there are millions of women who take birth control for their entire lives to avoid the consequences of a potential bad decision and situation; so why is this any less important? It's not. The consequences can be just as devastating, if not more so. I know that I can say that for sure from personal experience. It is a horrible way to live. But the good news is, you don't have to. If you find the right doctor and the right meds, you can become the person you know you are inside, the person you were meant to be. The bad news is, if you don't, you will never get over this, and you will continue to struggle with the symptoms of the illness for the rest of your life. I for one, would not recommend to anyone with this illness not to take medication. I feel it is irresponsible and unethical to do so. Therefore, I can't help you in offering advice on alternative treatments that do not involve some sort of medication for your disorder. This is an organic brain disorder that needs medication to be corrected. Otherwise, it will not be. It's that simple in my opinion. There is hope, but you have to embrace it. It's a big step, but you can do it. Like so many on here have said before, this disorder is part of who we are, and it will not be ignored.
Good luck to you.