i am struggling everyday - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

troublex2 · 10-05-2006, 09:35 AM

i was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 15.i am now almost 27.these last few years i have had more "lows" then "highs".everyday is a struggle.anything at anytime can change my mood and once i get in a bad mood i stay like that for hours.i get very frustrated easily and i always scream and yell,saying things i really dont mean.i dont know where it comes from.why do i say these nasty things,i am always on edge,i dont know what to do.i have really bad anger issues,sometimes i get so angry with my fiance that i hit him,push him,just do mean things to him.and after i do it its like a big relief off of me but then again,i feel so horrible.i have been on meds before and nothing has worked.i dont want to take meds the rest of my life.is there anything else i can do????

gav_73 · 10-05-2006, 10:23 AM

In my opinion, you have to let go of your resistance to take the medications. Med management is a difficult process, and you may not have been on the right medications or the right dosage before. Sometimes, we have to search and search for the right balance. It's not fun, but when weighed against the alternative--depression, intense anger, insomnia, and all the consequences that go along with our inability to make good decisions--taking medicine for the rest of your life isn't so bad if you think about it. Look at it like this: there are millions of women who take birth control for their entire lives to avoid the consequences of a potential bad decision and situation; so why is this any less important? It's not. The consequences can be just as devastating, if not more so. I know that I can say that for sure from personal experience. It is a horrible way to live. But the good news is, you don't have to. If you find the right doctor and the right meds, you can become the person you know you are inside, the person you were meant to be. The bad news is, if you don't, you will never get over this, and you will continue to struggle with the symptoms of the illness for the rest of your life. I for one, would not recommend to anyone with this illness not to take medication. I feel it is irresponsible and unethical to do so. Therefore, I can't help you in offering advice on alternative treatments that do not involve some sort of medication for your disorder. This is an organic brain disorder that needs medication to be corrected. Otherwise, it will not be. It's that simple in my opinion. There is hope, but you have to embrace it. It's a big step, but you can do it. Like so many on here have said before, this disorder is part of who we are, and it will not be ignored.

Good luck to you.

Tiny Dancer · 10-05-2006, 10:25 AM

I am 30 and have been struggling for years. I have just been diagnosed with bi-polar 4 weeks ago. Depression is so difficult to deal with. but I do have some answers that don't involve medication. Psychothearpy has offered me substantial important coping mechanisms to deal with and learn to understand the depression to the degreee where lot of the time now the depression does not control me, but I control it!!! You can get help. My husband and I realise now just how badly the illness can take over your relationship. Work together, there is help, helplines for partners to call, couple councelling, the list can be endless if you hang in there and fight for your health!
Relaxation techniques, although tricky at first to learn, help brilliantly with depression, pamper yourself, simple things like body massage, can be coslty but well worth it!! Music therapy, get your emotions out by choosing songs represeting how you feel. Do you write your feelings out rather than verbalising?, This can really get them out without hurting anyone else. You don't even have to keep them, throw them in the bin after if you like.Your not alone, I also found calling helplines during arguements extremely helpful at calming me down. I now know you struggle and you now know I struggle!!! We can be beat this illness, we just gotta take support and look after ourselves. You are special like me. We're one in 4 million, not just 1 in a million!!!

P.s I am on medication now I have been diagnosed with the illness.I intend to stay on it, I am stable and it feels so relieving, not perfect yet but so much better. I also use the other techniques to help the difficult times. Thinking of you and good luck.