Haven't been here lately, but got great support last few times I posted. I'm undiagnosed at this point, but pretty sure that I have BP, inherited from my father who has BP II.
My job has been really stressful lately. I teach special needs students and that sad part is...it's not even the kids. The head of school and the assistant head have been piling on work and despite me bending over backwards to get things done, both myself and some of my collegues haven't gotten any compliments from either of them.
I was in mania Thursday night and was being verbally abusive to my poor husband. I felt guilt all day yesterday at work...and then started to get really ticked off again during our staff meeting. I couldn't wait to get out of the building. My mother called to chat later in the afteroon since we hadn't chatted all week and I began to get really manic on the phone. At one point I was ranting and raving about my bosses and incessantly talking...she couldn't get a word in edgewise. She tried to calm me down, but I was acting crazy. I hung up the phone and then spent an hour laying on the floor crying. I then called her back and apologized, but while doing so, I began to cry again.
Long story short, my Mom is really concerned about me. My husband is supportive too, but I feel so bad doing this to both him and my mom and other family members. I am afraid to get diagnosed. I'm afraid of the label, but at the same time, I'm really tired of being so up and down all the time. :-(
Today was a much better day, thank god.
Last edited by Danibeatle; 10-14-2006 at 06:18 PM.
It is okay to be afraid of this awful label. Most people here can so much relate to that. The stigma of mental illness is not a fun thing to discuss; and it is a reality- but one that can also be a positive as well. Educating other people about the illness only makes it better. That doesn't mean if you are diagnosed with the illness you would have to broadcast 'you have it'- it just states, if you feel that you are comfortable with sharing the information with some of your closest friends, then do so when you feel at ease. It is always on your terms- only. That is the key to it.
Setting up an appointment with a pdoc/tdoc might be a good idea, only because it would help take off some of the anxiety you have circle around you right now. Your DH or your mom (if she lives nearby) would be a nice thing to do, and very normal along with helpful to the doctor, as they can ask them questions about you, etc. If they diagnosis you with an illness, they will give you a prescription for a medication, or maybe some medicine samples- ask for them if you feel okay with doing so; most pdocs have them. It is okay to do that.
Taking care of yourself is important. You matter most, and you matter to your mom and husband. They are very concerned about you, and having them worry about you is very upsetting to them in their lives. You are a very important person. Look at how important you are in the lives of the little ones you work with at your job? They need a very healthy Dani.
I'm a rapid cycler too. So, I can very much relate to your post and the mood swings you are experiencing.
Take care of you. You are the only you, you have. And, you have to take care of #1. Make that call tomorrow. It will be okay.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
Last edited by coffeegirl2; 10-15-2006 at 07:26 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to coffeegirl2:
hi, its kaz. you sound just like me, in everway, really.
I am bipolor, just been told im 25, dancer from England
please come on to have a look at my site, what you have just wrote will help so many people who have the same as you.
My poor man takes it all my rages ect, this is a alfull ilness,
yes this is me im the same way! i just started to cry you put that all very well im having one of those daysmad then sad and who knows ill probably have a 10 min laughing spree later i feel so bad for my husband and kids
Newbie Hanzy here........great site. I was a raving lunatic a year ago. tried every thing under the sun....over 19 different meds...........finally i found my salvation. lexapro and abilify. people can't believe the change in me....how level i am now. I have been reading this site for months, just was afraid to post.
to all who have lost hope.......don't.....keep trying for the right combo of meds that work for YOU. I am a changed man.....actually sitting here at the computer, calm, cool and collected, and the feet aren't jiggling!!
I was at first mad, then doubted, then was relieved that I had been diagnosed - and had the courage to finally go to a professional for help. I had the same thing - crying spells, uncontrolled rage, alcohol and drug abuse - you name it. Lithium has helped me a lot. It helped in a matter of days.I also gradually went on a combination of other drugs. Be careful of Wellbutrin and
effexor if your pdoc thinks you need an anti depressent. A few weeks ago I had a major seizure and was rushed to the ER. They did every test in the book (EKG, CAT scan, blood tests - a bunch of those) and said they found nothing. They gave me an anti epileptic drug through an IV. The ER doctor told me to stop taking everything, especially the Wellbutrin and Effexor which was fine except I shouldn't have listened to him about the lithium. Last week, I had a major episode and wound up voluntarily checking in to the psych ward of a hospital (after I was almost Baker acted). That was a horrible experience except for the fact that one doctor there said that I needed to increase my lithium. It has been only two days and I already feel better and my family thinks so too. So, don't be afraid to try medication. It may take a while to get the right combination, but do know your medical history and do research the medications before you begin taking anything. I hope this helps you. Good luck!
Hi, Im new here too. We sound very alike I take everything out on my hubby. Most of the time he doesn't know if he's coming or going my moods change so quick! I'm waiting for a confirmed diagnosis, but after reading this site am more convinced than ever. take care
Dani, please let your mother help you. I'm the mother of a bipolar daughter and I know the helplessness that she feels. I was reading the "Bipolar Happens" link and the young woman has written some books and cards for Bipolars and their loved ones that I thought were very insightful and gave mothers and others a place to start to be productively helpful to you. I wish you the best, my dear. Tiamomma
just want to say thanks... because of great people like you, people like me get to see they are not alone and thet they aren't crazy. because i did think i was crazy at one point. and its funny because I came on here due to being convinced that my partner is bipolar, and think I may be too. I have known that a lot of my actions and feelings wer not the "norm". and now after days of thinking I am going to go see my doctor and talk to him about this.
thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate it more than you know.