Who do you have for support to lean on? It is hard when one is first diagnosed with this illness. Not an easy thing to cope with, hearing those words- 'And, you have a mental illness called -BIPOLAR DISORDER!'
Yes, it freaked me out too.
But, on the flip side, it made me realize, you know, I have some really good things to offer society. It made me come to grips with who I am as a person and look inside of myself during the darkest moments. That was when I too, was at my deepest depression. I looked inward and realized what did I have to lose? Nothing. I had everything to gain. Life was really good and I didn't realize it at the time, though it was very obvious to those around me. The depression clouded it all over. The meds began to work within a few weeks to a month. Once they started to work, things slowly but surely looked more brighter- and I realized how fortunate I was when I looked into that mirror. I had it made in life. Not only did I have it made, but I was lucky!
Lucky because I survived the depression. And, then realized that I was a good mommy for seeing through the pain and agony of it all. Knowing that it is possible to over come something that is so painful. It is just a time, when one is going through an abyss- and it totally stinks, but it 'too shall pass'. That is a phrase that someone here has mentioned before to us on this forum- and it is a very good phrase. 'This too shall pass'. And, what you are experiencing- 'will pass', and when it does, you will again feel the goodness again, that you are as a mommy, an individual, and a person all around.
You will someday soon, once those meds kick in, be able to look into that mirror and see all of the good things about you. When that happens, it will all come together, and this transition of depression will fade away. You will wonder how it all happened and when, and where it went to. Don't worry, just let it all be. Don't try too hard; each day- just take it a step at a time.
I've been in your shoes before, and it is very hard being a new mommy with this illness and being diagnosed with this disorder right after having a little one. It is hard to accept. Talk about a lot to endure. You are taking on a lot of responsiblity. The illness itself is a responsibility. Taking care of you is a huge responsibility. You can do it; just take the meds, get plenty of sleep, go for walks with the baby for exercise, and enjoy time with your baby- be silly and laugh. That is all one must do to be healthy with this illness.
I hope this message finds you feeling a little better. Please know that you are in my thoughts tonight as one mommy to another wishing wellness and good hope. Take care of yourself and your new baby. Things are going to work out. Please believe that. The meds take about 3-6 weeks to begin working. Give them time. And yourself time.