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Old 10-17-2006, 06:33 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Mad Mule HB User
Question Please Help !

Hi, I've just found this forum by accident really. I need any advice you can give me. My doctor thinks I may have Manic Depression, which I understand is also called Bipolar, and she is sending me for a psychiatric assessment and counselling. Does anyone know what will happen in the assessment? I've read about Bipolar and I guess it does fit in with how I have been feeling for years, since I was 16 and I'm now 34. I just scared of the unknown. What will happen if I have got it? I'm sick and tired of this roller coaster of emotions.
There is so much I want to say. Is this the place I can get it all off my chest? Please help me.

Last edited by Mad Mule; 10-17-2006 at 06:43 AM.

 
Old 10-17-2006, 07:06 AM   #2
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Please Help !

Hi, Welcome This is a great place to be...some wonderful people are here t answer any concerns you might have regarding having Bipolar. So fire away.....there is a sticky note at the top of this forum that is a great place to start. And of course only a board certified physician can diagnose you.

If you are Bipolar, the good news is it is treatable. I would suggest you doing as much research as you can on it so that you will understand all that you can about it. The library should have alot of books to help you out....a good one that many recommend here is "The BiPolar Disorder Survival Guide" by David J. Miklowitz. It will describe symptoms and meds that are used to treat it....you will need medication to take care of the chemical imblance and it will take time to find the right ones since everyone will respond differently. Remember that knowledge is power and that being your own advocate will truly help in managing the disorder.

With the right meds and attitude you will be able to live a normal, productive, and happy life.

Going to the doctor is a great first step. Be sure to allow the doctor to properly diagnose you by being as open and truthful as you can.

And know that you are not alone....there is a wealth of knowledge and support here. Yes, you have come to the right place.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
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Old 10-17-2006, 07:46 AM   #3
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acbc7374 HB User
Re: Please Help !

I came about this site by accident also. It is a very big help. Keep coming back and I hope your appt goes well, I am bipolar 32, and my daughter is 7 with this also. I have road the same roller coaster. You are not alone.

 
Old 10-18-2006, 07:11 AM   #4
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Mad Mule HB User
Re: Please Help !

Thankyou so much for replying. I'm very tearful today. I'm in the public library using the internet computer facility and feel really silly sitting here crying As I'm not working at the moment I can't afford the internet at home. It's nice to see this forum and talk to others even though we are in different parts of the world.
I've had alot of anger recently and I often self harm. But my latest frustration ended up me hitting my arm with a hammer several times and now I am black and blue I usually cut my arms when I feel sad but this time my self harm was fuelled by anger. My mood swings are getting worse and I keep losing my job because bosses and colleagues think I have an 'attitude'. I'm just not very good around people at the moment, well haven't been for years really. Last night I went to the supermarket 5 minutes before it was closing and the security guard politely reminded me the store was closing soon, and I snapped back at him with a nasty comment. It's like I have no control. I don't mean to cry or snap at people. I have also noticed that I talk to myself in public now, in shops or in the street, and laugh. I've seen people look at me, but I don't care nor can I stop myself. I'm mad aren't I?
I'm going to the doctor for some more pills tomorrow.
Thankyou for listening.

 
Old 10-18-2006, 07:32 AM   #5
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: Please Help !

Hi again Sorry that you are feeling so badly....I think that it is great that you are going to the doctor to discuss what it is that is going on. It is apparent, that whatever it is, is making you feel badly towards yourselves and others enough to self injure and get angry with others around you.

The first step to getting help is realizing that you need it.

Try to be kind to yourself today...what time is your appointment??? I will be thinking of you and hope that you and the doctor come up with a plan to help you feel better....it is so clear how you want to feel better and that is the key to your success in getting there.

Write down everything that you feel is important to share with your doctor. And please let us all know how the visit goes. Be patient....it will take time to get better but once you know what is going on you will feel so much better. And no, you are not crazy You just need to find out what it is that is causing you to feel this way.

(((HUGS ))) ~ Goody

 
Old 10-18-2006, 07:52 AM   #6
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Mad Mule HB User
Re: Please Help !

Thankyou so much. I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow for some more pills and my weekly chat at 8.50am (england time). The library (where I use the computer for the internet) is closed tomorrow so I can't use the internet until friday. I'll be back friday. I'm too upset to talk now and people are watching me cry.
Bye

 
Old 10-18-2006, 07:13 PM   #7
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acbc7374 HB User
Re: Please Help !

OK, we are related (smile.) I have been through alot of jobs, the smallest things set me off, I have no friends, they got tired of figuring out what mood I was in and so did my family and bosses. My daughter is bipolar at 7 years old, so we just are one big bipolar house. I have never tried to hurt myself, but I pray to the Lord to take me or take this disease from us. I have got alot of comfort from this site. I dont feel so alone (sometimes). Also, you will find alot of the people here have the same story, and really good ideas. First of all I do understand when you feel this way you want to feel better now, not latter. You have to look deep down in your heart and find the patience. Easier said than done, huh? Please do not hurt yourself. I am overweight and I find instead of crawling in the bed and turning out the lights crying, I have been trying to walk. I try to walk it off, keep busy, and find out who your true friends are. So many people judge, so protect yourself with that. I have found that alot of people think biploar=crazy. Not true(may seem like it, but not true) smile, smile. I can relate with you. About 10 times a day I feel like ripping off someones head and spitting down their throat. Sorry so graphic, but the truth. Then I am full of hugs and kisses. Then at 3 when my daughter gets home I have to transform into a normal mom with no problems and keep that face untill 9pm when she goes to bed. Anyways probly way to much info, but its nice to now that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I am trying to learn off this site also, keep in touch.

 
Old 10-18-2006, 07:27 PM   #8
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makeworldgoaway HB User
Re: Please Help !

Welcome Mad Mule. I get a lot of help from this site, it can be a godsend especially if you don't get out much like me...I am Schizoaffective which is Schizophrenia & Bipolar...I have Bipolar II & feel so much for those with I because II is horrible sometimes & it isn't as bad as I!!! I was hypomanic all day today which meant I got a lot done & it beats depression but it's no picnic either...just a wacky day that I'm glad is drawing to a close!!! Good luck to you, this is a good place to vent.

 
Old 10-19-2006, 06:47 AM   #9
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makeworldgoaway HB User
Re: Please Help !

If you asked me "now how do you feel?" I'd say perhaps you are delusional thinking you can cure everyone of depression.

 
Old 10-20-2006, 05:21 AM   #10
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Mad Mule HB User
Re: Please Help !

Wow so many comments Thanks
I don't know what to say today.....
I went to see a GP (doctor) at my surgery, one I've never seen before. He was the best I've spoken to so far. He clearly had a genuine interest in mental health and explained that Bipolar is a chemical inbalance and that I should stop feeling the failure I do because I can't help it. He too thinks I sound Bipolar. He has referred me to the psychiatric team as an emergency case and signed me off work for 2 months. He wasn't like the other doctors who have given in my opinion rubbish advice - go to church and make friends being one of them. I think I will ask to see him as my regular doctor in the future as I came away believing he really wanted to help.
Someone asked what I get from self harm? A release, albeit temporary. I don't have anyone to take out my anger or sadness on as I live alone and have no family, so I always take it out on myself. When I was married I guess I'd shout at him, but now when I feel bad I punish myself. I suppose its because I feel a failure that I am ill. I grew up with a mentally ill mother and am scared I'm turning into her, I always saw her as weak not ill. She was abusive. So anything that reminds me of her, particularly behaviour that we may share, just upsets me. She wasn't ill in the same way I am, but I still can't help thinking "I'm turning into my mother!"

Thanks for your concern x

 
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