I know pretty much what you are going through and sometimes feel as if I am in this alone myself since it is I who is most involved with the day to day interactions despite my husband being very much involved as much as he is emotionally able to be. Even with him here I often feel as if he is getting "off easy" but I have come to the realization that men are just not emotionally programmed as we are OR able to intuitively see things as we are capable of seeing as mothers. I have found that standing as a united front is most valuable when dealing with the day to day issues and having a behavioral plan drawn up with clear expectations, priveleges and consequences will cut through alot of the emotional problems as if seems to be doing for us. I think it is good that the judicial system is involved....as much as you would like to spare your son the consequences that they have set while he is on probation you must be a team player in their efforts of helping your son. In our case it was what finally got out daughter the help that she needed.
I know how emotionally, mentally and physically exhausting this all can be but what your son needs the most is somebody who is strong enough to get through this and the only way that you can do that is to make sure that you get the sleep, exercise and proper nutrition you need and also take care of your emotional needs as well. That may mean that you and hubby take time to focus on your marriage....that should come first
, for it is the foundation upon what your family is built and you need to be solid and united in order to help you son out the most.
I KNOW firsthand how this can affect a marriage and thank God learned how important it is to take care of my relationship with my spouse as well. Often this entire thing is exhausting and we forget about how important that is. Perhaps when you are with the counselor you can talk about how you need to nourish one another and your needs and offer one another respite by sharing the load that your son's Bipolar creates within the family. And ways of taking a break from it by going out together to recharge your relationship with one another so that you are not too consumed by the responsibilities to your son. AT the same time, be sure not to blame one another and create a strong defined front that shows your son that you are supportive of one another in order to best help him.
I hope that some of what I share helps....there are alot of us here that know how difficult this time can be. But it is a time that you MUST learn to take care of yourself as well.....for by doing so you are actually helping your son too.
(((HUGS))) ~ Goody