This past Thursday I had a major episode. The past month and a half have been sort of hell for me. I was in three car accidents (two of which were not my fault). I was on Wellbutrin and the doctors believe it caused a seizure, for which I was hospitalized, had to be poked and prodded, blood tests, CAT scan and an EKG (or EEG) I'm not sure which. The seizure happened at work. I became totally unconscious, I believe I was convulsing. My boss had to call 911. The EMS arrived and took me to the hospital. My boss called my fiance the next day and told him that I should take the week off. The next day, he called my fiance again and told him that they were "terminating my employment" (This guy is a disability lawyer who helps people get Social Security benefits if they are disabled). Then they sent this bogus letter saying that I had not been performing my job, etc. When right before all this happened the idiot had called me into his office and told me that the firm was doing great financially and he really appreciated my work and contributions and he thanked me for doing such a good job. Go figure that one out because I sure can't. Must be they can't deal with medical problems despite the fact that both partners (husband and wife) were constantly at the doctors. Hypocrites.
Anyway, this past Thursday, I decided to de-stress myself with a drink or two of a beer type beverage. It turned out to be more like 3 drinks and I popped one Xanax, then another and I believe a third or fourth one. Anyway, I was totally out of control - broke the TV set with a flashlight, smashed a picture frame and acted terribly toward my fiance, who was upset that I had been drinking and popping pills. I felt horribly and left the apartment because I couldn't take it anymore. I began walking and stumbling down the street and I guess my fiance had called my mother, who drove by and demanded I get in the car. I don't remember much else of what happened until I wound up in the hospital, where they analyzed me to see if I was suicidal. Anyway, they decided I wasn't and let me go home but recommended that I go to the crisis unit at a psychiatric hospital. Anyway, to make a long story short I voluntarily admitted myself. It was a pretty horrific experience, a lot like jail. They told you what to do and when to do it. The group therapy was a joke. I was in a ward with a totally schizophrenic person (who got that way, she said, by smoking too much crack). All she did was talk to people who weren't there, paced the room and talked about how she had been with Jesus. Two others never came out of their room except for mealtime and never said a word - I mean even one word - the whole time I was there. There was a 23 year old former heroin addict who was on methadone and didn't seem to have a problem at all getting the meds she needed. There was another woman in her fifties who also had a nervous breakdown because she stopped taking her meds. As far as counseling went, there was "group therapy". The first LSW handed out pictures you were supposed to color??!!! That was it. The second counselor handed out a poem, but didn't ask anyone really why they were there (except for one guy who she knew who seemed to be the focus of the group therapy). Anyway, the first day and psychiatrist that I met with prescribed some medication that seemed to help me get through the day. The next day and second psychiatrist I met with took away all those meds and then put me just on lithium. I was having horrible withdrawals from all these different meds and just wanted to get the hell out of there so I convinced the 2nd doctor that I was OK to go home, where at least I could go outside and live my life. I was so freaking glad to get out of there. I don't feel that I was really helped there at all, but I am taking it slow now. Now the challenge is not to drink and pop pills to de-stress. I have applied for unemployment and thanking god my fiance has had the patience for the past six years to deal with my drinking problem (I binge drink). I am taking each day as it comes. I emailed a resume to a much bigger law firm closer to home and they did call me for an interview. Unfortunately, they left a message for me while I was in the hospital where my cell phone got taken away and my fiance wasn't able to retrieve the message until Friday. I have just left a message for them. Who knows if they'll call back. Who knows if my former employer will dispute my unemployment. I need money because it takes two incomes to maintain our life. My daughter had to stay with her grandmother, where my fiance also stayed. Both of them became depressed and I feel terrible for what I have put everyone through. I am still tempted to drink away the problems sometimes but the feeling comes and goes. I am trying to work out instead of drink. It helps. Thanks to anyone who has the patience to read this lengthy thread. All I know is that if you are ever really feeling depressed and want to abuse your meds or alcohol, call someone - anyone or write on this board or something. You never want to end up in a public psych ward like I did. The "treatment" I got there was the last thing I needed and if you weren't psycho before you went in, you might be after you get out. That's it for now. I hope this story helps someone else who is feeling bad like they are going to totally lose it or is tempted to escape with drugs or alcohol. Please call someone instead. And if you feel like, please offer me some words of encouragement if you want
Oh wow, that sounds rough. I am so sorry that you had to go through this and I commend you for trying to stay away from the alcohol. I am not bp, but I have had depression (before I went on meds) and I know how terribly tempting it is to just drink the problems away as you say.
I am not bp, but being an ex-SO (and hoping to get back together), I wanted to say that it might be a good idea to surprise your fiance a card and tell him that you love him and care about his feelings, but that sometimes you just can't act on it. It is something he can pick up and read as a reminder when things get rough - to remind himself that it will pass and that you will be back to yourself. Well, this might be pretty basic, I don't know. I haven't been in this for very long.
I had to check the name of the poster several times, as your post could have been written by my son a year and a half ago!! He had a great job and was let go almost as soon as his employer "found out" he was bi-polar. It was very unfair but there wasn't much to be done about it. It sounds from your post that you are aware of your problems and what you need to do to make things better.
My son's one and only experience at the psych ward (a private hospital) also sounds almost identical to yours (even the coloring)...including convincing them to let him out. It was a very, very costly 26 hours but I think, ultimately, he learned a lot from the experience. He is very determined to never put himself in that situation again. He takes his meds as prescribed and is clean and sober. After a year and a half, he is feeling pretty good, and he knows what he has to do to keep on feeling that way. My good wishes to you, tsohl.
Thanks Nealah and Tsohl for taking the time to read my long thread. Hope I at least made it interesting. Tsohl, at least I know I'm not the only one this has happened too and your son's story and words of encouragement will help keep me going on the right track. Bless you and your son.
The employer is being just awful. How crude. You did have a seizure, which needed to be taken care of by medical attention, empathecy by others (including your boss who needs his head examined/and himself needs legal advice), and yes, you have been through an awful lot this past month which has not helped considerably into the suite of the matter.
In the past, I too, have binge drank and popped nerve pills. It is something I do not remember much about due to it being such a blur in my memory. That is what drinking does to ones memory- impairs it. The medicine, Topamax, which I take, helps reduce binge drinking/bulimia. Since I have taken it, I do not have an ounce to want to binge drink whatsoever. Nor have an incling to go out and drink at all. Once-twice a year I will have a drink, socially with DH; and that be it. That is beside the point.....
Your experience in that hospital was what it sounds a psych ward must be like. Others will have to verify that. It is hard when a person goes through a trauma and then goes through another one immediately afterwards. You will know that whatever comes from this, that you can look back and know that you can only 'get better'- right? What occurred was pain emotionally and a lot of turmoil from inside and it didn't mean to happen it just did. Your family sounds very forgiving, and that is a very reassuring acceptance of them. That is something not many have in ones life with this illness. You are fortunate. Believe in yourself, and them.
Take care of yourself today, and live for today. Do not worry about tomorrow- though it is easy to do. We all try to do that, and it is hard not to do. Do your best to avoid it. I try to. I know that you can to as you have will power within yourself to do it.
Many hugs and lots of hope
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
It has been a whirlwind. My son with ADHD has been very naughty at school. Need I say more?! He and the principal are on a one-one basis and we receive calls from both the teacher and principal at least once/twice a week. Oh well, guess it goes with the parenting territory. Teacher conferences are coming up and we are dreading them. We are suppose to have a meeting with the principal, teacher, and the special ed teacher sometime- not sure when, but when we do- it will be a doosey. Lots of questions to ask them.
Mentally- things have been quite well, as good as they can be. There are days when I do not function up to par, but that is how everyone is from time to time. When those days occur, it is like I might as well throw in the towel for the day because I am aboslutely useless! Lethargic, scatterbrained, moody, snappy, and wired- all at once. Hmm... and memory loss. Well, that is a problem. Huge problem. It is due to my meds.
My tdoc has told me the best place for me to volunteer would be at church. So, i am determined to attend church with one of my boys- only one, at a time, and to see if they need help in the office. The nursery would be fun, but I will try that another time. I really enjoy office work, and did it for so many years, that I miss it.
As for working, I have just decided it is not in the wood work for me. And, that is okay. I have two very needy sons, and they are very much needing me afterschool with lots of homework now, and I need to focus on them. During the day I get bored at times, and frustrated because I forget how to ******** the pictures for scrapbooking- duh! LOL So, then i am stuck with nothing to do. I cant sit still enough to do my artwork- yes; that would be mania coming out. Since my manic episode, I havnet' been able to sit still and read, or do anything constructive.
Well, got to run.
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
I have bad days too. My 5 year old daughter is a real sweetie but she is very demanding, and frankly, just wears me out some days. I need to call my NP to hopefully get something that will help we sleep. I have insomnia and have been tired and lethargic myself for the past couple of days. I am in and out of the chat board. Just post a thread if you need support, or even just to vent. I am a working Mother (currently unemployed, as you know) and am going through some experiences myself right now that I don't quite get yet. Anytime you want to talk,