Hi, I'm sorry this is long, but it's a long story. Thank you for listening to anyone who reaches the end
I've been posting on the depression boards for a while, as until now it was what I was diagnosed with (in Feb). However after suffering several other bout of depression with no explanation of where it came from, I went back to the doctors. After discussing everything I could at the time he finally came to the decission that bloods should be taken to rule out any physical reason for the depression. But if they were to come back normal he wants to refere me to a pdoc as my symptoms were sounding more like Bipolar than just depression But also said that as he is not a specialist, he does not want to diagnose me on his opinion alone.
So basically at the moment I am now waiting for the blood results to see whether I am going to be sent to the pdoc or not. I am very worried about this and although (this may sound silly) I consider myself to be a very deeply understanding person especially when it comes to other peoples emotions, I can't help feeling a little scared of what this might mean.
As for my emotions at the moment I have once again gone from to I know i'm not going to sleep easy again tonight. Oh well...I will copy my origional post from the depression board for anyone who wants to know about medication, mood cycles and so on after this post and once again thank you for reading my ramblings and any support you can give would be really appreciated, thanks!
I posted here a couple of weeks ago now I think, as I had just had my meds increased (Celexa 10mg to 20mg) and I was having a rough time of it.
Unfortunately I still am, I started a kind of mood chart to see if could see any pattern at all but so far all I can see is that i'm up and down like a yo-yo! I'm going back to my doctor on Friday as he is on holiday at the moment and wondering whether to take it with me and see if it helps at all. I don't want him thinking i'm unstable or anything
I've just been looking over the chart and i'm just all over the place, I started on the 11th as being quite down (avarage: 3/10), then I had a day where I was in a really good mood and got loads of my revision done (av: 7). Back down the next day (av: 3)until the evening where I 'apparently' although don't really remember being happy at the moment, was in a great mood scoring 8-9 (6 being what I would consider my normal mood) and actually lost track of time cleaning at work and stayed 45 mins late . That lasted for 2 and 1/2 days and thought I was finally settling if not a little hyper but after being so depressed recently it felt good to be happy. Until I crashed again for another 4 days (av: 3) then had another 2 good days (av: 8) and now I'm back down again (av: 3)
Sorry it's long I'm just so confused and tired with it all, any support or advise would be greatly appreciated, thanks. I need a hug
i ive tried to keep a chart like that and cant because I'm a rapid cycler i have tons of moods everyday but i think it is great you have taken a big step as to better yourself and i think the doc. will see it as that also good luck and gods blessings shelb
Hello again, I have to say I know what you mean Shelb, i've been trying to sum my moods up three times a day but I may jump from one to the other and back by the time my next entry is due. Another thing about doing the mood chart is that it is now in black and white that although I started at 8/10 this morning, I am now writing 3/10 down. Everytime I think I'm going to prove everyone wrong, including my doctor and get better it just comes back to remind me that it's never going to really go and I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life
Bless Your Heart and please try not to be so hard on yourself. Be nice to yourself like you are to others. You deserve it.....to me and this is only my opinion it is so okay to go through different moods during your day. Did you eat something (chocolate or calming tea) or did you go outside and take some fresh air and see a bird flying or did you get a bad phone call or a hello from someone you didn't expect. Or are you just plain tired. That's okay. I guess what I am trying to say is in your journal maybe jot down what you are doing/did or what external things are happening (seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, smelling) sometimes these things change my mood thoughout the day. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes, take a deep breath and regroup. I know it is hard and it does take practice. But You are worth it. I think so anyway.
x bliss, sounds like our crazies are the same isn't that ..........well crazy sorry I'm in a stupid mood but anyways I'm one to sit in my house and friends well the friends i still have cause i kinda get sick of them but they will say okay shelb your coming out today and i will feel better then are you a home body? my meds are really starting to work and I'm feeling a lil better so if i get ready and leave the house i do feel a lil better I'm a stay at home mom so all this leaving the house stuff does benefit me im on a high right now so smiles all around all Gods blessings all shelb