Hi everyone. I am new here. So...where to start? I was diagnosed with BPII four months ago and am now medicated. I felt better at first like I had an answer but am now feeling badly again. I guess the worst part is how it affects my once happy marriage. I feel so numb sexually, emotionally, etc. and in other aspects of my life I am not like this but in my marriage I am dead inside right now. Maybe I am depressed again? From reading posts, I am gathering I am not a freak but I am so sick of torturing myself with this lingering "Am I happy in this marriage?" question that I torment myself with often. I am attracted to other men and obviously, like other BP's have impulse issues but am fighting acting on them. Does anyone feel numb/loveless even though they know they love their spouse? When I feel like this I shut out everyone and then invariably feel crazy lonely but can never seem to prevent it.....OK, rambling now. Any married BP's that can advise?
[U]yes i know exactly what your talking about it sucks I've actually cheated he found out and for a month or so he cried and i could have cared less i told him terrible things like hes ugly I've never wanted him oh this sounds so bad and well now I'm sad thinking of it because he loved me through it and i thank god for giving him the strength to put up with me ..............i don't know where id be without him now so..........you do love him there is a reason you married him and life including marriage is only what you make of it talk to your doc. that will get you on the right track also that sex thang anti depressants are bad bad bad are you on any ?[/oh and we've been married for 9yrs we are only 26 got preg. in high school just think divorce is not an option emotions come and go it takes work good luck and gods blessings to you both shelbU]
Feel like I'm interrupting a private conversation but I just wanted to say your postings sounded so familiar. Ive been married for 2 years and I've already cheated on the poor man. We're still together thank god. I also said awful things to my husband like "I never actually loved you anyway". I felt cold and calous and not at all guilty. I wanted to have sex with the whole world and looked at people only with a view to sleep with them. Getting myself into predicaments! I want it to be over but that particular feeling is one that comes back often when I'm ill.
Genuine love to you all and your families. xx
I know what you mean. I am so angry and ugly sometimes to my husband who hasn't done anything and I am thinking "why don't I feel badly that I am acting like the B*tch of the universe" but somehow I can always justify it. It scares me how good I am at that. He has no idea how to "handle" me anymore. I said that what shrinks are for! LOL
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It means a lot to not feel alone...
I'll chime in here. My wife has this illness. We have been married for 22years now. WOW!
I can say this, IT IS NOT EASY on either party. We have had some up times and some very low times.
However, are not most marriages this way too?
Just a thought.
I can totally relate to you. I have only been married 3 months and was diagnosed as BP 2 weeks ago. I have been cruel to my husband and at the time I don't care. Then later I just can't stop crying about how mean I was to him. Thankfully, I haven't had the urge to cheat, but I also haven't wanted to be intimate with him either. It is just hard because we have had an awesome relationship, still people even comment on our relationship, but I have severely damaged it and him. He is so kind and patient with me, he has found support groups that we go to together, he has rearranged his work schedule so he can be at home with me more. I couldn't ask for more from him, but I just fear that if this continues he will leave me.
I know what you mean. Are you on anti-depressants? Lexapro, though I like what it has done for the depression part of BP, has killed my sex drive completely. I hate it. It cannot be good for my marriage that my husband feels so physically rejected and I don't want him to feel like this but I also can't make my body react! It doesn't respond. Anyone else having that issue?
I can relate to your frustration of the low or non-existant sex drive. Even though I wasn't in the mood my body still physically was unable to have sex. I didn't want to deny my husband so we would try, but it never really worked. Then I switched to Wellbutrin and 6 times a day wasn't enough. I'm not taking anything currently and am doing much better at least sex wise...I don't reccommend that you stop your meds though! Maybe talk to your doc about it and see what he/she says. At first my doc was willing to switch me to a new med because of the low sex drive. Now she tells me that I have to choose to have a sex drive or to have my depression under control. I personally think that is a little extreme, but am exploring other options to treat my depression that don't have the side effects of antidepressants.
hi all! i posted on this thread earlier and just wanted to share i used to be on lexapro and wellbutrin and yeah not a great mix but he could talk me into well..you know and i almost always had an out come lol but it took work anyway now im on depakote and wellbutrin and I'm doing greati don't think the bp meds affect your sex drive like the anti depressants but with all that has been written here in this thread i can relate and ill go through really seductive stages and have been married 9yrs and it is still hard for me to show that to hubby im gonna have a chat with my theripist about all this stuff and good luck with all your marriages Gods blessings shelb