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Old 10-29-2006, 10:32 PM   #1
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GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

I just started dating my bf who has bipolar.... I've been learning alot about the bad and hard parts of being in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder...

I'd like to know what the good parts are now, the parts that keep everyone going, the parts that make the effort and the stuggle and the heartache all worthwhile

 
Old 10-29-2006, 11:34 PM   #2
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

Dear Blankets,,,
I Am Not Bipolar But My Son Has Bipolar. I Think You Should Ask Yourself What Are Good Parts Of You And Him. When I Was Married My Ex Had Bipolar But I Didnt Know And Didnt Have A Clue About Bipolar. I Just Thought My Ex Was Very Moody. We Had 2 Kids And When He Had A Few Nervous Break Downs And Self Medicated Himself I Had To Leave. I Think The Good Parts In Any Relationship--you Should Have That Answer. I Believe Bipolar Is An Illness And Can Be Controled By Meds And Following Up With Psy Doc. My Son Is Doing Good. We Have Ups And Downs But That Is Like Life...
Good Luck
Mslainie

 
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Old 10-30-2006, 08:07 AM   #3
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

I could answer two ways: first, I would say that there aren't any "positives" to the fact that your boyfriend is bipolar. All things being equal it would be better to date someone who does not have this extra burden. That being said, I am assuming you are dating this fellow because you were attracted to him...presumably if you are a reasonably mature person, you are attracted to him as the "whole package," i.e. not only physical but because of his personality, his intelligence, whatever it is that makes him attractive to you. I would guess that his bipolar disorder is a part of who he is. You can't really separate out the disorder from the person. It is at the very core of who he is.

I would suggest that if you are just getting to know this person, you might want to read and learn everything you can about bipolar disorder. It is not a disorder that has a cure. Perhaps in the future there will be developments that will allow this disorder to be treated in a way that will eliminate it, but for now, it is something that your boyfriend will have to deal with for his entire life.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 10:14 AM   #4
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

I had the most amazing year with my ex before this current episode started and it was so much more intense and beautiful than any other relationship I had been in. I love his creativity and how his mind works. He was (or is...) the most loving and caring man I have ever met. We felt so absolutely compatible and could never get enough of each other and I think that intensity does have something to do with his illness. I have never before loved like that and have never been loved like that.

That's what carries me through this manic nightmare during which he turned into a cold, inconsiderate, and aggressive person. He had a breakdown about a week or two into the mania where all of a sudden he was emotional, and cried and said that he loves me and asked me to never forget that, even if he can't tell me. This happened a few more times, but he does not remember. But that reassurance, even during the mania, really helps me along.

But on the other hand, I have never in my life been so torn apart and I have never hurt as badly as I have during this episode. My friends feared for me because I was just falling apart on all levels. But I managed to get help, I searched my soul and I will wait this out. I have learned a lot in this process, but it was very very hard to establish an emotional distance from someone you love so much and watch him go through this destructive and delusional phase without being able to do anything (I tried). Right now I am watching his illness mess with his career, make him mean and insulting, make him use people, make him be involved with a woman to feed his manic needs and to make him feel healthy, and make him isolate from the outside world entirely. And it hurts not only for my sake, but just the same for his.

The beautiful still outweighs the bad for, but the bad has been really really bad. It's going to be a tough ride and I think what is most important is not only to hang on to the good, but to promise yourself to be good to yourself and not be abused by this illness should things get worse. I would gladly trade in the good for a happier and stable him.

Last edited by Neleah; 10-30-2006 at 10:20 AM.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 10:18 AM   #5
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

I am bipolar and I think there are lots of positives about being in a relationship with someone who has been 'diagnosed' BP. In fact, as far as I can tell, my fiance would agree with me.

My fiance really enjoys the 'little worlds' I can go into - 'being stupid' (but in an endearing way) he calls it. Being like an excitable child with a buzzzzzzzzzzz about everything that can last and last is a positive trait in my book - it can make great company.

Yes, of course, with BP, things can go BOOM - and at that stage it isn't fun anymore for either.

But isn't life full of ups and downs??

Nut.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 10:24 AM   #6
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

Quote:
Originally Posted by NutshellNutter
My fiance really enjoys the 'little worlds' I can go into - 'being stupid' (but in an endearing way) he calls it. Being like an excitable child with a buzzzzzzzzzzz about everything that can last and last is a positive trait in my book - it can make great company..
Ah, good memories! He could be so very endearing and we came up with the most adorable little stories and such. His imagination is wonderful when he is stable.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 01:37 PM   #7
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

Hey. My wife has BP. We have been married for three years and have a beautiful two and one half year old daughter. Raising our daughter together is awesome. My wife loves passionately. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was awful. I was immature, blah, blah. But, that first marriage experience was really a blessing because now I am able to see what it feels like to have a wife/spouse that really, really loves me. My wife's passionate love is fantastic to experience. It also makes it so easy to love her. My wife's BP also makes for some incredibly hilarious situations where we have laughed together until nearly wetting our pants.

I do not want to appear narcissitic, but I get a real rush out of the lengths my wife will go to make me happy....clearly, when she goes to five different sporting goods stores to get me the "perfect" rod and reel, she may be a tad manic (maybe not), but wow, it makes me feel so special.

Our sex life is up and down, but when it is up....OMG....it is so good I think that the top of my head may blow off!!!

Also, my wife is very compassionate and a great mother!!

I could go on and on about the good. I choose to relate with my wife as a person first. So much of the good is about who she is and whether it is because of the BP or in spite of the BP, I don't really care. I love her desperately!!

We have had some terribly difficult times. I do not deny my frustration during the rough times, and we try to talk honestly with each other about how we both feel. None of this is exclusive to marriages/relationships with a BP member.

I acknowledge that all situations are different and the severity of BP in some may ultimately lead to divorce. My wife's mania (the bad kind) is manifested by extreme irritability and racing thoughts. In her early twenties she had several suicide attempts and had been diagnosed with cyclothymia. When she got pregant, she got off her meds, but got terribly depressed. My college roomate was her OB-GYN and he put her on Zoloft. The combination of the Zoloft, her hormones and other chemicals worked perfectly until our daughter was born. But after the baby was born, she continued with the Zoloft and within three weeks was in a full blown post partem mania with some psychosis. If I said it was easy for her or me, I would be lying. That experience was, however, bad enough that she wants to avoid it ever happening again. So far so good!!! Still tinkering with the meds, but overall I cannot complain

 
Old 10-31-2006, 05:05 AM   #8
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

The only way I can describe my marriage was a disaster. Every single occasion was ruined by outbursts and rage over some thing I would say and not even understand the rage that came out of my husband. The name calling took my joy and self worth. When he wasn't in a rage he was the most loving and caring person but I never knew what would set him off. The one thing that seems different about him from what others write is he never cheated and always proclaimed his love for me. I was always puzzled about that because most have written about cheating mates.

 
Old 10-31-2006, 01:02 PM   #9
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Re: GOOD parts about being in a relationship with BP

the best part of being in a relationship with an unmedicated bi-polar man, FOR ME was when it ended and I didn't have to walk on eggshells any more. It was when I could finally relax and not have to worry about when his next venomous outburst would be........total FREEDOM!!!!!

 
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