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Old 10-30-2006, 12:12 PM   #1
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Neleah HB User
To the parents here

I just wanted to express how touched I always am when I see how much you care about your children with bp and how involved you are in helping them.

I am saying this because when my ex and I had decided to let his parents know that he is bipolar (it was a big step for him and I had so much hope that they would be supportive), they told him that he is just making excuses for being lazy and that even if that were the case, he can manage on his own with strength and willpower and does not need a doctor. It really breaks my heart that they are not reaching out to him and that they just don't see how he spirals down, especially now. I don't know how they cannot see how he isolates himself and how different he is now.

I know that things would be better if they didn't tell him that he is a loser - that is what he believes when he is depressed, that he has failed in life and that all opportunity is lost. And when he is manic, he says he can cure himself through willpower...I am the only one who really knows what is going on and I wish I could communicate this to his family and friends, but he wouldn't like it.

So I can only hope that when he is stable again, he and I can continue the process of getting him help and treatment.It would be so much easier with his parents' support and it makes me so sad sometimes.

So I think this is a little thank-you-thread for all you parents who are so involved and loving and make such a difference.

Last edited by Neleah; 10-30-2006 at 12:38 PM.

 
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Old 10-30-2006, 12:29 PM   #2
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tsohl HB User
Re: To the parents here

Hello Neleah,
Thanks for posting. All I can say in his parents' defense is that SOOOO many people do not understand bipolar disorder...and how debilitating it can be. I'm afraid I can lump myself in that category. My son had friends from 7th grade on who were diagnosed bipolar. Because he knew several, I thought it must be the "disease of the day" and that doctors just gave it a name to cover up something that was most likely a result of poor parenting, etc. Plus what you see and hear on TV and in the media doesn't provide a realistic picture of the face of bipolar disease. So many people are ignorant about the disorder, especially that it is a REAL disease with biological causes.

It is very sad that your ex doesn't have the support of his family. I just don't understand that behavior. Good luck to him. tsohl.

 
Old 10-30-2006, 03:42 PM   #3
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goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: To the parents here

Neleah ~ Thanks for all your kind words....I second Tsohl in saying what a shame it is that your BF doesn't have the support or understanding that he so needs from his family. Thank God he has a guardian angel in you who seems to want to take the time to find the help, support and understanding she needs to be able to best support him. I know that once he is stabilized that he will be so thankful for that.

Perhaps one day his parents will come around.....after they see how with the right meds and support that he can do well. But it shouldn't be about them anymore....this should be about him and his wanting to get well. Unfortunately bipolar is alot to understand and learn about and unless one actively makes a point of educating themselves about it they will only view it as a mental illness and in their ignorance not see the ability we have as loved ones to help them find the proper treatment so that life can be better.

Thanks again for such a nice post and dedication. I have found this place to be my lifeline of support as I work to find my duaghter the stability she needs. And how lucky I am to have found such a gift.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

 
Old 10-31-2006, 01:57 PM   #4
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Neleah HB User
Re: To the parents here

Quote:
Originally Posted by tsohl
Hello Neleah,
Thanks for posting. All I can say in his parents' defense is that SOOOO many people do not understand bipolar disorder...and how debilitating it can be. I'm afraid I can lump myself in that category. My son had friends from 7th grade on who were diagnosed bipolar. Because he knew several, I thought it must be the "disease of the day" and that doctors just gave it a name to cover up something that was most likely a result of poor parenting, etc. Plus what you see and hear on TV and in the media doesn't provide a realistic picture of the face of bipolar disease. So many people are ignorant about the disorder, especially that it is a REAL disease with biological causes.

It is very sad that your ex doesn't have the support of his family. I just don't understand that behavior. Good luck to him. tsohl.
Tsohl, thank you for for your message and raising that point. You are right, it takes a lot of effort to understand bipolar and there are so many misconceptions and stereotypes (gosh, haven't I found that out in the past few months). It is just that his parents do not at all take the time to even listen and they drag him down by saying he is lazy and lacks willpower to deal with his issues. He loves them so much and was a tremendous support for them when they dealt with serious issues (even moved back in at the time) and it just breaks my heart that they can't at least hear him out.

I still hope that some day they will and that it won't take a psychotic break or debilitating depression.

 
Old 10-31-2006, 02:09 PM   #5
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Neleah HB User
Re: To the parents here

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz
Neleah ~ Thanks for all your kind words....I second Tsohl in saying what a shame it is that your BF doesn't have the support or understanding that he so needs from his family. Thank God he has a guardian angel in you who seems to want to take the time to find the help, support and understanding she needs to be able to best support him. I know that once he is stabilized that he will be so thankful for that.
Thank you so much, Goody. It is such a relief to hear that because people usually tell me to just "drop the whole thing." But I *know* that he will be stable again and I *know* that he will listen to what I have to say. And I also know that without treatment, he will spiral down fast the way things have been going. And I know that I love him and that he is the most wonderful man I have ever met.

I do have hope that his parents will understand some day. It is a very complicated family history, so perhaps they just need more time. I just hope they know how special he is and how much he loves them and will realize that he cannot go on like this. And I know he can't do it alone. He was absolutely alone in this ever since it started until we met and we did get far in understanding until he went manic. So hopefully we can pull them in when the journey towards treatment continues.

Always the optimist


Good luck to you!

 
Old 10-31-2006, 02:21 PM   #6
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tsohl HB User
Re: To the parents here

Neleah,
I don't think you mention if you know his parents, or if you're operating on what he's told you about them. I think you said your BF wouldn't want you to talk about his illness, but....if you could find a way....Maybe you could give them one of the excellent books that are out now on bipolar disorder with a little note telling them politely that perhaps they don't know the facts, but that bipolar disorder is a disease just as much as diabetes...that it is a disease of the brain caused by chemical imbalances and that it is biological in nature...that with the proper medications their son will be able to get better...and tuck the note into the book. What do you think would happen if you did something along those lines?? Sometimes people need a little nudge.

Do you know about some of the support groups that are available around the country that are run by NAMI? You and your BF could attend together and together learn about the illness, what resources are available to you, etc....Look them up on the Internet and it will give you the local chapters and other information....best, Tsohl

 
Old 11-01-2006, 12:30 PM   #7
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Neleah HB User
Re: To the parents here

tsohl, thanks you for all the suggestions. I have not met his parents. I was going to meet them on Thanksgiving, but I guess that won't happen...They live in a different state and he just moved back there for career reasons (we were going to work on being in the same place again next year, but that is also going down because he is taking a 'career break' now - bad bad manic decision...). So right now he is living with them, and is up all night, sleeps during the day and is always at the computer, rarely leaves the house, and only talks to people he has never met. It really breaks my heart.

So I am looking at all this from a distance, which is both good and bad. At least it does not have the direct impact on my life that it would have had a few months ago. But I wish I could talk to him face to face. I was almost on my way to see him two weeks after this started, but then found out that he was having that online relationship and broke up with him. I was not aware that he is in a full-blown episode at the time.

In this phase, I can't do anything. If he gets a lot worse (more severely and dangerously psychotic), I will try and talk to them. Right now I can just wait and send him the occasional little message that I am here for him. He is not contacting me anymore, but I hear from people who know him.

I have found a local NAMI support group and it so great to attend the meeting. There I was also told to not bother talking to him about the illness right now and to wait it out. Everyone was so sweet and supportive.

Thank you tsohl!

 
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