why do i do it ? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

tarancialla · 11-07-2006, 04:20 PM

i dont drink on a regular basis only now and again when i go out with my hubby have a few pints of wine and soda and then home staying very sociable dont argue just merry
then when i get out with my friend i hit the stuff reall bad
i end up in situations that place me in a panic
i then end up doing stupid things and then regreting them after wards
i always end up on my own and lost

panic stricken and wanting to end it all because i am ashamed of what i have done truly do not know why i do this
i start out on the eveing on a high laughing joking and having fun
then within a couple of hrs i am suicidal and end up that way for days and usualy end up in the hospital because i have attempted to end it

this also happend this weekend and i have a doc's appointment next monday
as the doc i saw in hospital thinks i may be biopola as this has been happing all my life

top of the world one second suicidal th next
big drop from the high BANG straight to the low

anyone can tell me is this normal thing for what
i may be diagnosed with
thanxs everyone in advance

suzannecaroline · 11-07-2006, 08:12 PM

welcome to my hell

drinking *binge and or drugs are bad news for me. the highs are ssuper high and the lows can be on a suicidal thought torturing nightmare. you are not alone

jgr01 · 11-08-2006, 04:07 AM

Taranciala,

yep, sounds like me too. I am a BP1 rapid cycling and I have used alcohol and drugs to self medicate for years - even on the medication I've been given. I recall the crest of the wave before crashing on the beach, which of course will be exaggerated by alcohol which is a mood altering drug - makes you happy but too much makes you depressed.

There is a strong link between BP and unhealthy relationships with mood altering drugs. It's good news you're going to see the doctor.

Good luck and welcome - you will regain your life and your self respect.

tarancialla · 11-08-2006, 08:42 AM

thanxs guys
so pleased i thought i was going insane and that it was just me been pathetic if u know what i mean ?
i also was to scared to talk about it to anyone as i keep seeing myself been locked up for it and not realeased till old and grey due to been unbalanced
i just hope my g p will help me other wise i dont know what i will do as i really am frieghterned if it haps again i will go that 1 step xtra and no return

but glad i am not on my own i am starting to believe that old movie
DR JECKLE & MR HIDE
COULD BE TRUE

Lanugo · 11-08-2006, 12:55 PM

Hmmm. Sounds like me. Do you ever just start running for no reason? I wake up with bruises and torn clothes with blood on them. I tried to start fights with men (Im a tiny 5 foot woman)! My Ex boyfriend who I was with 8 years ago (this is how long I've been doing this for) said "why do you always do it when you're not with me?" I couldn't answer this. It still happens the same when I get "carried away" only now my husband has seen it and it scares him. I'm still awaiting diagnosis and it seems like bipolar. Ill let you know. Good luck in lfe always.

Lanugo xx