yep, sounds like me too. I am a BP1 rapid cycling and I have used alcohol and drugs to self medicate for years - even on the medication I've been given. I recall the crest of the wave before crashing on the beach, which of course will be exaggerated by alcohol which is a mood altering drug - makes you happy but too much makes you depressed.
There is a strong link between BP and unhealthy relationships with mood altering drugs. It's good news you're going to see the doctor.
Good luck and welcome - you will regain your life and your self respect.