My Husband Does Not Understand - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

leasarenay · 11-07-2006, 06:26 PM

I am Bipolar and and rapid cycler and can change my mood in a matter of seconds. I can be happy and the next minute I can be completely unreasonable, angry, and sometimes having a meltdown. I go through the usual highs and lows and the mixed states. During these horrible times he seems to think I can help it all. He told me last spring that he thinks I can help some of it and my doc and his nurse told him that I most certainly cannot help any of it and what I do is completely consistant with being Bipolar. I take all of my meds and I do everything my doc says to do. I am so much better than I used to be but I still have the angry outburst sometimes. He says he does want to spend the rest of his life with me but the minute I have a meltdown or even get angry he turns on me like a dog. Several weeks ago he turned on me during one of these times and it took me 2 days to forgive me. I don't do this on purpose, who would do something so horrible on purpose and ruin their life? The next time I lost it, he left town without saying good bye and I cried my eyes out because it hurt so much. When I called him and was crying, he just turned on me. I feel so helpless and I took a handful of pills several weeks ago. Thank God I woke up the next day. I tried to get seperated because it hurts so much, but he won't. He makes me feel horrible and never helps me when I need him most. He is very good hearted and good to me when I am doing well, but I get sick the story changes. Should I just give up or give him another chance even though he makes me feel worse than I already do about myself and we all know that us BPs have low enough self esteem.

mudhound · 11-07-2006, 07:50 PM

will he take a look at this board?
If so, show him some of the post here.
There are a host of us husbands who love thier wife and try hard to have a normal life.
There are ups and downs. There are local support groups out there too. Most offer free education to the family members about mental illness.

tsohl · 11-07-2006, 09:07 PM

Hello,
Do you mind me asking how long you've been married and/or how long you have known your husband? It doesn't sound like your husband has made much of an attempt to educate himself about bipolar disorder. You might want to check out the **** website. They have chapters all over the country that offer support groups for various ages, relationships, etc. They also have various educational programs and are a great resource. Perhaps if your husband could meet some other spouses in a similar situation, it would give him greater insight into what you're dealing with.

Have you tried a variety of meds to see if there is some combination that might better control your rapid cycling? It doesn't sound like things are as under control as maybe they could be. (just guessing, from what you said....)

I can tell you that it is very difficult for someone who does not have bipolar disorder to understand what it must be like to live with it. I am certainly not defending your husband's attitude or behavior. It is very unfortunate. I am just telling you, from my experience dealing with my son who was diagnosed a few years ago at age 21, it is really hard for me to grasp what he is experiencing...and I have done my best to find out everything I can about the disease.

Might some sort of counseling be an option for you and your husband? There are a number of spouses on this board. Hopefully they will have some good, practical ideas to help you. best, Tsohl

Lanugo · 11-08-2006, 12:47 PM

Bipolar is part of you and with any marriage you have to take the good with the bad. Life wont always be sunny and he needs to not take things so personally which is a task in itself. He really should read this board - if you don't mind sharing it with him. There are some postings about marriage that helped me think I wasn't a complete cow! Well I hope I'm not!

Take care.
Lanugo xx

HettK · 11-08-2006, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by leasarenay

I am Bipolar and and rapid cycler and can change my mood in a matter of seconds. I can be happy and the next minute I can be completely unreasonable, angry, and sometimes having a meltdown. I go through the usual highs and lows and the mixed states. During these horrible times he seems to think I can help it all. He told me last spring that he thinks I can help some of it and my doc and his nurse told him that I most certainly cannot help any of it and what I do is completely consistant with being Bipolar. I take all of my meds and I do everything my doc says to do. I am so much better than I used to be but I still have the angry outburst sometimes. He says he does want to spend the rest of his life with me but the minute I have a meltdown or even get angry he turns on me like a dog. Several weeks ago he turned on me during one of these times and it took me 2 days to forgive me. I don't do this on purpose, who would do something so horrible on purpose and ruin their life? The next time I lost it, he left town without saying good bye and I cried my eyes out because it hurt so much. When I called him and was crying, he just turned on me. I feel so helpless and I took a handful of pills several weeks ago. Thank God I woke up the next day. I tried to get seperated because it hurts so much, but he won't. He makes me feel horrible and never helps me when I need him most. He is very good hearted and good to me when I am doing well, but I get sick the story changes. Should I just give up or give him another chance even though he makes me feel worse than I already do about myself and we all know that us BPs have low enough self esteem.

Doesnt sound like much of a husband to me. If I distinctly remember the marriage vows, doesnt it go "in good times and bad"? Looks like someone forgot to read the fine print
You deserve much better than that.