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Old 11-07-2006, 05:26 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2006
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leasarenay HB User
My Husband Does Not Understand

I am Bipolar and and rapid cycler and can change my mood in a matter of seconds. I can be happy and the next minute I can be completely unreasonable, angry, and sometimes having a meltdown. I go through the usual highs and lows and the mixed states. During these horrible times he seems to think I can help it all. He told me last spring that he thinks I can help some of it and my doc and his nurse told him that I most certainly cannot help any of it and what I do is completely consistant with being Bipolar. I take all of my meds and I do everything my doc says to do. I am so much better than I used to be but I still have the angry outburst sometimes. He says he does want to spend the rest of his life with me but the minute I have a meltdown or even get angry he turns on me like a dog. Several weeks ago he turned on me during one of these times and it took me 2 days to forgive me. I don't do this on purpose, who would do something so horrible on purpose and ruin their life? The next time I lost it, he left town without saying good bye and I cried my eyes out because it hurt so much. When I called him and was crying, he just turned on me. I feel so helpless and I took a handful of pills several weeks ago. Thank God I woke up the next day. I tried to get seperated because it hurts so much, but he won't. He makes me feel horrible and never helps me when I need him most. He is very good hearted and good to me when I am doing well, but I get sick the story changes. Should I just give up or give him another chance even though he makes me feel worse than I already do about myself and we all know that us BPs have low enough self esteem.

 
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Old 11-07-2006, 06:50 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bean Station, TN, usa
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mudhound HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

will he take a look at this board?
If so, show him some of the post here.
There are a host of us husbands who love thier wife and try hard to have a normal life.
There are ups and downs. There are local support groups out there too. Most offer free education to the family members about mental illness.
__________________
God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 11-07-2006, 08:07 PM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: WI
Posts: 2,779
tsohl HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

Hello,
Do you mind me asking how long you've been married and/or how long you have known your husband? It doesn't sound like your husband has made much of an attempt to educate himself about bipolar disorder. You might want to check out the NAMI website. They have chapters all over the country that offer support groups for various ages, relationships, etc. They also have various educational programs and are a great resource. Perhaps if your husband could meet some other spouses in a similar situation, it would give him greater insight into what you're dealing with.

Have you tried a variety of meds to see if there is some combination that might better control your rapid cycling? It doesn't sound like things are as under control as maybe they could be. (just guessing, from what you said....)

I can tell you that it is very difficult for someone who does not have bipolar disorder to understand what it must be like to live with it. I am certainly not defending your husband's attitude or behavior. It is very unfortunate. I am just telling you, from my experience dealing with my son who was diagnosed a few years ago at age 21, it is really hard for me to grasp what he is experiencing...and I have done my best to find out everything I can about the disease.

Might some sort of counseling be an option for you and your husband? There are a number of spouses on this board. Hopefully they will have some good, practical ideas to help you. best, Tsohl

 
Old 11-08-2006, 11:47 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: East Midlands,UK
Posts: 79
Lanugo HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

Bipolar is part of you and with any marriage you have to take the good with the bad. Life wont always be sunny and he needs to not take things so personally which is a task in itself. He really should read this board - if you don't mind sharing it with him. There are some postings about marriage that helped me think I wasn't a complete cow! Well I hope I'm not!

Take care.
Lanugo xx

Last edited by Lanugo; 11-08-2006 at 11:48 AM.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 12:16 PM   #5
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Hutch
Posts: 22
HettK HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

Quote:
Originally Posted by leasarenay
I am Bipolar and and rapid cycler and can change my mood in a matter of seconds. I can be happy and the next minute I can be completely unreasonable, angry, and sometimes having a meltdown. I go through the usual highs and lows and the mixed states. During these horrible times he seems to think I can help it all. He told me last spring that he thinks I can help some of it and my doc and his nurse told him that I most certainly cannot help any of it and what I do is completely consistant with being Bipolar. I take all of my meds and I do everything my doc says to do. I am so much better than I used to be but I still have the angry outburst sometimes. He says he does want to spend the rest of his life with me but the minute I have a meltdown or even get angry he turns on me like a dog. Several weeks ago he turned on me during one of these times and it took me 2 days to forgive me. I don't do this on purpose, who would do something so horrible on purpose and ruin their life? The next time I lost it, he left town without saying good bye and I cried my eyes out because it hurt so much. When I called him and was crying, he just turned on me. I feel so helpless and I took a handful of pills several weeks ago. Thank God I woke up the next day. I tried to get seperated because it hurts so much, but he won't. He makes me feel horrible and never helps me when I need him most. He is very good hearted and good to me when I am doing well, but I get sick the story changes. Should I just give up or give him another chance even though he makes me feel worse than I already do about myself and we all know that us BPs have low enough self esteem.

Doesnt sound like much of a husband to me. If I distinctly remember the marriage vows, doesnt it go "in good times and bad"? Looks like someone forgot to read the fine print
You deserve much better than that.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 03:53 PM   #6
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: WI
Posts: 2,779
tsohl HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

Hi again,
Scroll down to the "Spouses of Bipolar" thread and read through them. I think you'll find something that will be helpful to you. Tsohl

 
Old 11-08-2006, 05:14 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bean Station, TN, usa
Posts: 2,190
mudhound HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

NAMI does have support group all over the country. I belong to the one closest to me. They have been and countine to be a "GOD send".
My wife has this illness.
__________________
God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 11-09-2006, 02:12 PM   #8
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 34
leasarenay HB User
Re: My Husband Does Not Understand

Thank you for answering. This website is so informative, it is really nice to get some support. I have been married for 2 and half years. I told my husband that I can't take him and my illness too. I love him dearly, but trying to live with this illness and him angry with me over things I have no control over are just too much and my doc says that this stress will make me worse. He has promised to get educated and go with me to the docs appts and be understanding. I will not tolerate any more from him because my health and well being depend on it. I know I give him alot of trouble when I am sick, but I am worth it. When I am well, I take care of him and all our children with lots of love and understanding. I still do this when I am sick but not with very much patience and understanding. I think I am a good person and worth the understanding that I have to have to be able to fight this illness. I am terrified that I will commit suicide the next time I get sick and I need him to help me and not add to the misery we all know comes when we get sick. The last time I swallowed a handful of pills was on a day that he was angry with me and I felt so alone. I did not do it because of him but I was so messed up and it all started because he would not be understang with me. We can't see past the bad stuff when we are sick, so we need love and support. I told him if he cannot handle me I will completely understand because this illness is very difficult on those around us. I decided to leave him last week and he decided he would be understanding. I will leave immediately if he hurts me so badly again and never let anyone make me feel like a bad person because I am not. May God have mercy on us, we sure need it.

Last edited by leasarenay; 11-09-2006 at 02:16 PM.

 
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