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Old 11-07-2006, 08:35 PM   #1
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shelb HB User
Unhappy im gonna lose it

okay i got on depakote started feeling better and now well now i feel so depressed i hate my life i feel like i ruin my family's time they want to play well guess what mommy does not and i want to scream out WHY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just don't want to be around people and the meds make me so tired my 9 year old always says mom are you mad at me because sometimes he makes me so mad my insides twist he does not know that but must feel it my 2 year old always fake cries not throwing a fit but she fake cries with me when all i can do is that i hate this diseases and i hate myself for having the problem if i would have known life was gonna be like this i never would have married or had children because one day I'm mom and the nest shes gone all i do is cry or yell or want to be alone i need a xanx sorry everyone i try to be positive shelb

 
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Old 11-07-2006, 08:54 PM   #2
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Re: im gonna lose it

((((((((Shelb))))))))))......you are doing what you need to do to get better. I am so sorry that your moods seem to be all over the place. Are you on anything else besides the Depakote???? If not perhaps you need something else added in. Communicating with your doctor is soooo important in getting the meds straightened out.

You have alot going on here....we're almost into the winter season which is known to throw things more into the depressive side and many people need to make some adjustments to their meds. And having 2 small children adds alot of stress to the equation.....don't put the added guilt upon yourself, you are doing the best that you can under the circumstances. The important thing here is to make sure that you do your very best to eat well, get some exercise, make sure that you get proper sleep and take your meds. Keep track of how you are doing on the meds by keeping a journal of your moods and discussing them with your doctor so that he may make any necessary adjustments.

YOu say that you started the Depakote but it takes sometime to get at a level where it is going to work sometimes weeks if not months. All of these meds will naturally want to be rejected by our bodies, however, after a few weeks our bodies will start to feel the positive things that they will do.

So keep that chin up and know that tomorrow is another day and is bound to be better.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

 
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Old 11-07-2006, 10:52 PM   #3
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Re: im gonna lose it

goody, yes im on wellbutrinxl 150and xanx im just soooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired and my gosh the guilt im doing all i can as for the doc) so im really frusterated thanks for posting back shelb

 
Old 11-08-2006, 06:35 AM   #4
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Re: im gonna lose it

I'm currently on depakote and have never been so depressed in my life, can't wait to come off the stuff, hopefully should be in the next couple of months or so.
Definitley don't want any antidepressants, i know why i'm down, it's the depakote and once i'm off it things should start to get better. Did you know that depakote isn't for long term mood stabilising but is an agent for reducing mania during manic phases.


from the official depakote website:
"DEPAKOTE is approved for the treatment of manic episodes associated with bipolar disorder. A manic episode is a distinct period of abnormally and persistent elevated and irritable mood that may also involve aggressive behavior"

 
Old 11-08-2006, 08:44 AM   #5
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Re: im gonna lose it

[I]so when your off the depakote what meds will you take?i got like this before i even started the depakote so i really cant blame it on the meds i just want it to work now and my mania is a real bad thing as well but thanks for the info i love to be informed in fact ill probably go to that site thanks again shelb[ /I]

 
Old 11-08-2006, 09:17 AM   #6
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Re: im gonna lose it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeolian
I'm currently on depakote and have never been so depressed in my life, can't wait to come off the stuff, hopefully should be in the next couple of months or so.
Definitley don't want any antidepressants, i know why i'm down, it's the depakote and once i'm off it things should start to get better. Did you know that depakote isn't for long term mood stabilising but is an agent for reducing mania during manic phases.


from the official depakote website:
"DEPAKOTE is approved for the treatment of manic episodes associated with bipolar disorder. A manic episode is a distinct period of abnormally and persistent elevated and irritable mood that may also involve aggressive behavior"
hi i just looked it up and it says lithium is best for the depression and depakote reports patients hurting themselves 3 times more on deoakote shelb

 
Old 11-08-2006, 09:41 AM   #7
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Re: im gonna lose it

Aeolian and Shelb,

I've been on Depakote for 6 yrs. I am a rapid cycling BP with more manic than depressive periods, or rather they are longer in duration than the depressions and more severe in symptoms. However I can really empathise with Shelb; on some days I am really lethargic; about 1 in every 6 while the rest of the time I'm sort of normal. Although I am really aware of the drug in my system right now. Like I'm existing inside a bubble....it's dificult to explain.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 10:56 AM   #8
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Re: im gonna lose it

Good luck shelb...raising little ones is hard enough anyway, mine are grown now but I remember well, the stress, guilt...they will still love you later & if/ when they are old enough to understand this sickness they can be surprisingly understanding...I hope you can get a break of some kind & will feel better soon.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 11:45 AM   #9
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Re: I'm gonna lose it

thanks everyone i go to the doc. tomorrow i think I'm gonna ask about getting an up on the wellbutrin i take i just can not take the swings anymore i am an ultracycler so i have a couple cycles a day and my depression scares me manger scares me and well the lack of control i have as of late last night i was so sleepy but couldn't sleep (surprising huh) so i just sat up late and felt like crap sometime i know i should be in the hospital but i never go because i worry about my family i have 3 kids ones quiet so therefore never makes me mad much i am a strong believer in Jesus Christ so i am a christian and all this stuff going on inside me is hard to deal with i pray lord just take it away and well I'm still me so i have to think that this disease i have i will be able to help others or something and i normally do not swear but when i get manic i can be horrible in more ways than swearing i have alot of soul searching to do and therapy lol ........oh how many of you grew up with an alcoholic or drug abusing parent?my dad was a huge boozer now it seem all the younger relatives are and i had my go with it also and haven't drank in 10 months ttys shelb

 
Old 11-08-2006, 02:53 PM   #10
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Re: im gonna lose it

Quote:
Originally Posted by shelb
so when your off the depakote what meds will you take?
I plan to go med free, i was since i came off lithium about five years ago aside from a recent blip after which i was put on depakote.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 04:49 PM   #11
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Re: im gonna lose it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeolian
I plan to go med free, i was since i came off lithium about five years ago aside from a recent blip after which i was put on depakote.
Hi Aeolian,

what was the blip if you don't mind me asking? You always seem so much in control and experienced. I want to go med free too eventually. I have a child so that worries me a little. I think it may mean that because I am changing my life so drastically to accommodate a med free life I will end up getting divorced; surprisingly that sort of seems like the natural and appropriate conclusion.

 
Old 11-08-2006, 06:35 PM   #12
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Re: im gonna lose it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aeolian
I plan to go med free, i was since i came off lithium about five years ago aside from a recent blip after which i was put on depakote.
WOW AEOLIAN YOUR A BRAVE MAN GOOD LUCK IVE ONLY WENT LIKE 1OR 2 YEARS IN A NORMAL EPASOIDE GOOD LUCK SHELB

 
Old 11-09-2006, 05:56 AM   #13
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Re: im gonna lose it

Quote:
Originally Posted by jgr01
Hi Aeolian,

what was the blip if you don't mind me asking?
In order to manage my condition without meds it is best if I am not away from my home environment for more than a few days at a time, this is because i need the space and freedom to monitor myself and take appropriate action if needs be.
In july I went on a team road trip (I used to be a sponsored kite land boarder), the trip was over a week in length and after a few days I felt the need to go home and recharge/recentre myself, however that was not possible as I as travelling with a group without my own transport. Before the trip i was assured that if things started to get a bit much for me that i would be taken home but when the time came the lift was not forthcoming, instead i just got worse due to not having the space nor cooperation to attend to basics until i became so bad that my associates had to take me to a local surgery where i was passed on to mental health.

 
Old 11-09-2006, 10:28 AM   #14
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Re: im gonna lose it

Hi Aeolian,

thanks for that - I do recall now you mentioning it before (about the kite boarding). What do you do to centre yourself? Do you do any sort of meditation therapies or just have a routine.

I've found that getting to bed by 1030 and up at 730 and eating at the same time really helps me (although it's possibly hard to tell with the upped meds at the moment). I get really tired if I do too much out of this routine...like going to Brighton today walking round the shops and having lunch. I feel pretty wiped out now and just want some silence. Hard to do with a family who need attention. But sometimes I need to get out of the house. Washing, ironing, cooking and working out for an hour is all very well and good for a routine but gets a little dull. Especially for someone who has been manic most of her life with a big social life and hectic work schedule (have you seen The Amazing Mrs Pritchard?!!!! maybe that's a little of an exaggeration but you get the point..)

 
Old 11-09-2006, 12:15 PM   #15
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Re: im gonna lose it

k just got back from the doc. i will now be on wellbutrinxl300 ,depakote 1500 and seriqual 400 seem like alot or no? shelb

 
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