I'm starting this thread after a comment Scullyboy made on another thread. It was the sort of the question Stephen Fry was asking in his documentary except he used the term 'press the button'.
Who of us would take the pill if there was one to cure BP?
You know suddenly now I am just really asking myself REALLY NOW! This is actually so much more complicated than first thought. Many times I have screamed, cried how much i hate being BP, but that has all been post diagnosis and medication (well apart from about 18mths prior and my section when i sort of knew i was nuts or dying!)
What I would take away is the knowledge perhaps. Before diagnosis I went along for years (mainly manic) believing in myself and having what i thought was a fantastic time, being successful at work, socially everything. Whereas the folks around me (parents/friends etc) were sometimes scared and embarrassed by my behaviour. But I DIDN'T KNOW THAT - IGNORANCE IS BLISS SO THEY SAY.
So would i take a cure pill? Not sure. Perhaps never having been blessed with it at all would be my choice...but then maybe I wouldn't have competed for GB in athletics or got a first degree or been as emotionally intelligent as i am often. I wouldn't be me. Would I?
hhmmmmm your right about this being a tricky one....right now I would say yes but then as you say when you think about it I am not so sure looking back to before being diagnosed (which was only recently) I have lived a very hectic but fun amazingly so life on the whole the thing I have loved is the whloe excitement of not knowing what would happen next. Ok my family despaired at times with how I was but life felt like one long party and on the whole i loved it. Yes there was the downs but the highs were so worth it. Now though it seems like my behaviour can be a real problem to those around me maybe getting married has made me realise that?? What scares me now is being "normal" I dont know what that is, I have never had it. And to be quite honest I am not sure I do want to be normal deffinately not in a humdrum sense anyways lol well you have certainly got me thinking now
i know exactly how you feel. I am very concerned about my marriage because in order to be stable i don't feel like the person i was before meds but if i don't take them i can bring unhappiness and distruction to all that is precious in a marriage. I also have a daughter and my husband has 2, this complicates it. I'm just existing neither high nor low in the extreme, void, and scared and feeling helpless,
I look at a lot of my friends and family and how they have security and stability - long relationships, jobs they've been in for years, cosy homes they've lived in for a long time, savings and pension plans. I look at myself - just preparing for my 18th?19th? house move, not working, haven't had a boyfriend in a very long time, no money etc etc and I do wonder what it must be like to live a kind of constant, steady existence instead of this topsy turvey craziness. But I don't know if they're actually any happier? BP has really made me appreciate life and has given me a real knowledge and awareness that a lot of my friends don't have. I have a creativity that a lot of them don't possess, and I do think that the pain you experience with BP means you can feel the good stuff more acutely - it kind of all balances out.
I started thinking recently (and had a lot of good advice from people on the board) that part of my problem was trying to be 'normal' and fit in with everyone else. I am trying to be more myself and to accept that my life is chaotic and confused and that's just me - my brain's wired differently so I act differently to most people. I'm trying to just go with the flow - it's only been a couple of months so I guess I need a bit longer to find out if it's any easier.
I don't think I would take a pill that would cure it. When I'm ill I feel like I'd do anything to make it stop, but in between I think it gives me a different perspective on life and makes it more fulfilling (I have no idea if that would make any sense!!??). There's a part of me that likes being a bit different, although I do get lonely sometimes, and I only have a couple of friends who really 'get' me. But maybe two or three really good mates is better than twenty superficial friends? Perhaps it's all about quality rather than quantity.
I understand what you're saying. What's also interesting is that you are single. I can't have my chaotic existence, I'm married goodness knows how that happened having never stayed in a relationship for longer than 2 years previously! I'm pretty ill at the moment and my husband is being a real rock but i find that perhaps i am dependent now and all the time before i had to be strong and get on. Chicken and egg. hohum what a conumdrum. Mind you, part of our symptoms are to question everything!
Would I take the pill ,push the button, OR as i like to quote Nero in the Matrix " WHAT WOULD OF HAPPENED IF I SWALLOWED THE BLUE PILL" ,in any case i don't feel that i would take the pill, afterall this is who i am , it's me , and if i swallowed the pill who would i end up being...?:
Cides i'm nearly fifty years young and been B.P for most of my life if not all of it?
so why change what i am used to now...?
So in reply YES i do enjoy the trauma of being B.P, and there are some aspects i would change if i could, but by and by i.,m happy as i am
A pill for losing the depression & keeping the hypomania would be perfect, thank you. But that's not the question is it...I don't know! Without the hypomania here & there I'm duller than dull. I don't know. I am my own worst enemy.
ha ha make you hit the nail on the head there oh to be outgoing and full of confidence permanently like on a high now that pill i would deffo take part in trials for lol. On a more serious note though I have thought some more about this q and I wouldnt take a pill to cure me as that would change me and the things i have done and been through because of this condition have made me who I am today and to be honest I dont think I am too bad a person ( obviously having a really good day today ) lol