Hi again, sorry to hear you are not well. But you are off to a good start by talking about it. I find it very hard to open up when I feel this bad. I agree with the alcohol thing. I usually only drink a glass of red wine at night if at all. But the other day I had 3 drinks, and I felt the difference, I felt many bad/guilty thoughts running around in my head. I talked to my husband about them. I tried to find a way to get distracted from them when I realized I was being unreasonable, my reality got temporarily distorted. I was fine about an hour after we got home.
I already discussed this with him, I need to be reminded to stop at the second drink and switch to a non-alcoholic drink.
When we go to our usual spot, and everyone is drinking, most of the time I don't feel like drinking, so I order "virgin drinks". They look pretty, they are tasty, and people really don't bug me about it. I discovered that virgin bloody Marys are good, and even somewhat healthier for me in the long run. Have you tried non-alcoholic beer? I don't really care for beer, but my husband liked the near beers he had when we were not allowed alcohol.
To me, distractions are good, so I would actually elect to go on vacation so I can get some fresh air, another perspective, and some distraction. I love being around people, and when I am down, it helps so much to be out and about so I can keep from sinking in a hole and just thinking too much about things.
Well, I hope you feel better, and I also agree with the other post, take things slow, and don't try to think ahead too much.