Need advice - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

mole_hair · 11-11-2006, 04:15 PM

I am looking for some sdvice regarding my BP wife.

We have been together for 5 years now, and she has been diagnosed for almost 1 year. She is a wonderfull woman that has had mood problems since before we met. She was being treated for the first 3 years we were together for depression.

She got off meds almost 2 years ago due to insurance issues. Soon after we started fighting and she started to become distant. She started going out more, and drinking quite a bit more. She began flirting with other people, when prior to this she never even looked at anyone but me. Our sexual relationship was greatly diminished during this time.

We both knew that we were having problems and started to work on things. We saw a therapist for a while and that is when she was diagnosed as Bipolar. Things started to get more back to normal. We were not fighting, our sex life was great again, and we were just generaly happy again.

Out of the blue this summer she told me that she was not happy and wanted to try a seperation. We talked about this for a while and decided to try it. She said that she was not sure if she was in love with me anymore, but she definitley loved me. That confused me quite a bit. She also said that she had a crush on a female friend of ours. She had never had feelings towards a woman before, so this was confusing to both of us.

We have been seperated for 5 months now, and she has been dating someone else for a little while. She says that she does not want a divorce and that she is trying to figure out what she wants. We have stayed in close contact during the entire separation, but when I found out she was dating I got upset and we both said that we wanted a divorce. This was puerly out of anger though. She is always saying that I am her best friend and she loves me, but she is confused. There are lots of things that she does that make me think she is still in love with me.

I almost forgot to mention that she has been on meds again for almost 2 weeks now. She finally decided that she needed treatment after I asked for a divorce. (I have since admitted that I only said that out of anger.)

I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is still a great friend, but I do not know how long I can go on like this. I want her back as my wife, and being a friend to her is very hard right now.

I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what to do at this point. Has anyone else been in a similiar situation? Is it common for bipolar people to be this confused about their feelings for someone?

-Kyle

marshmallow · 11-11-2006, 06:16 PM

Kyle, sorry to hear your having such a hard time. I have read many posts here that sound almost exactly like yours. I am sure you will get some response from someone. The people here are very nice and supportive.

mole_hair · 11-12-2006, 09:01 AM

Thanks for the reply. It is nice to know someone is listening.

I am not really having too hard of a time right now, but depression has certainly taken its toll on me already. I am at the point where I am simply waitng for her to take some action or give me a positive sign, or at least some hope.

I really do love my wife with all my heart and she is such a wonderful person, but the things she has done over the course of this illness has really caused some problems for both of us. I am trying to be there for her and be supportive, but seeing all of this happenning to the person I love has really drained me. I just don't know what I can do at this point but wait.

-Kyle

marshmallow · 11-12-2006, 10:19 AM

I certainty know what you mean by being drained because I feel the exact way. My husband is not medicated and we are separated at this time due to his behavior. And he does change his mind often but has remained "in love" with me however, I hear so many on the board say that their mate has cheated or stopped loving them and then change their minds again. To me it has been such a challenge but not one I succeeded at. My husband was to full of rage for me to feel safe with him. I think things are unraveling fast here. Wish I had words of encouragement that is why I didnt say much the first time I replied to your post.

twoways · 11-12-2006, 10:23 AM

Hi Kyle!

I'm visiting this site to get answers for a totally different problem but now that I saw your post I had to reply. Kyle, I could be her. It has happened to me too. It's not easy to explain what takes over me when I get manic. One nurse once said to me "When men get manic they start a business, when women do, they fall in love". And it's so true. Once I had to reduce my medication for other reasons and it got me again, right away. And it didn't take long for me to find the target for all that energy that bursted out of me. It's madness, its a huge estrogen flow, it's not sleeping, it's loosing weight when all I can think of is that target of all the passion. It's obsession. And then suddenly it's gone and you fall in to a deep depression. Afterwards you don't even know what you saw in that particular person you were "in love with". It has happened to me so many times that I am wise enough to hold on to my boyfriend and just hope the madness goes away. I will tell him to tie me up if he has to but not let me go! But what if somebody doesn't know this side of me and starts hitting on me? I dont know...If I take my medication I propably am going to be just fine. But I want you to know that your wife really needs you. My boyfriend is there for me to make sure I got all the support I need and very stable peacefull everyday life. I hope that the big "hunger for life" never strikes me again. But I know it does. And I may burn everything.