Picali

Hi Dee-Nah

I'm horrrified, as is often the case, at the way in which some of these doctors deliver life-shattering news in the cavalier way the rest of us ask someone if they would like a cup of tea.

Number one - there are plenty of methods of contraception available that are very reliable and easily reversible - there is no reason for you to take permanent measures at any stage of your life, regardless of your own health.

Number two - if I remember rightly from your previous posts, you have only recently been diagnosed? Forgive me if I have that wrong, but if that's the case, you are still in the early stages of coming to terms with your illness and figuring out/deciding on the right way for YOU TO DEAL WITH THIS ILLNESS AND LIVE YOUR LIFE - how you do this is your personal decision and has nothing to do with anyone else.

Number three - as is always the case with bi-polar, you will be told different things by different docs. I was told by one psychiatrist that I would be on meds for life, could never have children and would never work again. I was told by another psychiatrist (who, when I look back now, may have been bi-polar herself - she was so understanding and empathatic that I wonder if she had first hand experience) that, although difficult to manage, it was possible to have more children and control the illness, although that would mean coming off all meds for a time during conception and early pregnancy.

Number four - my advice to you is not to make any big decisions for at least a year - give yourself time to adjust and learn about your illness and your life as it is now. Research self-management and complementary treatments - nutritional advice and supplements, homeopathy, cranial osteopathy, acupuncture, herbalism and so on. Look for info from people who have had children with bi-polar - remember, we had kids before we were diagnosed, not before we were ill! We managed it then, without support? Why when there's a name for it can you suddenly not have children? I don't believe for a second that there is only one way of managing bi-polar - everyone is different and everyone has their own life to lead. Please don't do anything drastic until you are absolutely sure in your heart that you have looked at it from every angle and you are doing what is right for you. Even if you do decide you aren't going to have more children Dee-Nah, you don't need your tubes tying - there are plenty of other reliable methods.

I get really angry with this kind of 'oh, you have bi-polar, you can't be responsible for contraception/your love life/your major decisions any more. People with cancer refuse treatment in order to prevent harming their unborn babies, yet us with BP have to have our decisions made for us? How is that fair?

I am not saying which decision is the right one to make, that's for you to decide on, but please bear in mind that a doctor is just a doctor - these people aren't God and he/she is just doing a job like anybody else. This is your life - don't let anybody else make these massive decisions for you.

Lots of love - from an irate BP sufferer who also happens to be a bloody good mum!! xx