Hey there,
Just wanted to chime in and tell you that I know exactly where you're at. I was diagnosed BP only a few weeks ago, but before that, I was in a 7 year relationship. When I met my ex, he was very high functioning and held a great job. Then within 3 months after we moved in together, one night he told me that when he was driving home on tha highway from work that day, all he could think of is steering his truck into oncoming traffic. He said it with no emotion in his voice, he was completely numb.
Obviously, I took him to the hospital when he refused to reassure me that he was okay. They hospitalized him for the first time ever (what he told me, anyways) and in a matter or 3-4 months, he'd been transferred to a treatment center, diagnosed BP II, learned coping skills (supposedly) and was on Lithium, Gabapentin, and Celexa I think. Oh, and Zyprexa. He was taking his meds. there religiously (the staff encourage patients to take responsibility and do some things as much as possible.)
Within *maybe* two weeks of having my beloved fiance home, he'd stopped everything cold turkey, refused his diagnosis 100%, and told me it was my fault for him being hospitalized and why he wanted to kill himself. Eventually, we moved past this stuff, and were together 7 years until March of this year. He still has never had his medicines, and now, ironically enough, I have been diagnosed BP and take Lithium, too!!! Ironic, huh?
I want you to know though, what dangers I faced while with him when he was unmedicated....you saying your bf blcks reality out, well mine did SUPREMELY too. He would withdraw and spend more than 20 hours a day ON THE COMPUTER. He did this the whole last 7 years (except when he had a job.) Everytime I now know he was manic, he'd get a killer job. I'd be hopeful but within 2,3 maybe 5 months, he always *mysteriously* lost jobs......
In addition to the emotional neglect from being completely socially withdrewn, he had a helluva temper, too. I was told about it before we started dating, and of course, I made light of it, minimized it. But the lower functioning he would drop, the more I got to be his target. When his depression episodes got at their lowest, he looked like a monster. Seriously. The look in his eyes when he'd come after me was just psychotic.
So him not taking meds meant we'd have a high income for generally 3-5 months every year, and at least 6 months a year he'd be unemployed, and the rest of the time, he had low paying jobs. When I broke up with him in March, I'd had major surgery and was in rough shape. He not only beat me up more than once the first weekend home from the hospital, but he hadn't paid rent for 3 months, so we were evicted. His mania episodes would always result in online cheating (obsessively) and porn and whatnot.....always on his beloved computer.
These are all things you need to consider....not saying this is YOUR life, just telling you my experiences....don't want anyone ever suffering the way I had to for so long....Take Care, and please don't stop posting.
Kendra
Oh, and UsedandAbused is dead on right: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. It really is true. You don't want to hear it, but you need to. Don't let his problems become YOUR problems. take care
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