You know,
I find I think in crumbs when I am depressed, everything breaks apart and goes everywhere, and I can't seem to find the pieces. I find I hide from the crumbs, or I pick out one little itty bitty crumb and then beat myself to death with it. I could have paid 10 bills, but I am stuck on the one I didn't pay this month. Often when I am real sad, I find a crumb, like a pretty sky at sunset, and stand there looking at the beauty deep down in my soul, or at least it feels that way, but actually I fail to see the life under the sky, the part that matters.
When I am sad, I feel Crummy
But, when I am manic I don't see the crumbs or care, I plow on ahead and if everthing falls over everthing I will stack it, I like clumps of things when I am manice, I make a clump of my mail, a huge pile of semi opened documents. I make Clumps of my housecleaning, I Can't clean a room without taking of a bit of the paint. So I go about my Manic life stacking things in clumps, I make to do lists, big clumpy things and I pile my work up high. My desk is neat piles of clumps. You see certain clumps go together, you have to clump them right. I manage my social life like a clump, my son doesn't clean his room, suddenly I have him washing the floor and scrubbing the walls under my glare. Yep everything in clumps. and yes my my my things do get done quick in clumps. Except, they are never really ever done, they are just stacked, you see I forgot the crumbs, and somtimes the crumbs hold it all together. I find that if I stop glaring, and lean down and actually help him clean and explain how to do it, the pain goes out of his face. That's just a tiny crumb isn't it.
When I am Manic I stack everything...Order in clumps..
Then when I get sad once again, all the wonderful projects I started crumble away to crumbs once again. I look at all the crumbs at my feed, pick one up, some morsel, then walk back to my bed to dwell on it.
The Circle does turn....And that is my polars,
But when I am on the right medications, The circle stops, and I am left with crumbs all over the floor from my depression and huge stacks of clumps on my tables. Hmmm I get out the broom and sweep up the silly little crumbs and put them in thier place. Then I take a clump at a time and detangle them and see to them, until the counter and the floor is clean. I live like this in my clean house for a while, until I think, I got this under control, I can handle this, and I stop the medication, and slowly the grind wheel starts to turn with a groan to grind my life up into crumbs again. But each time I restart, that silly grind wheel goes a bit faster...
I need to loose this broom and get myself a maid...LOL
Just mad ramblings...but it felt good to write it , hmmmm
Linear Mode
