Husband wants to leave - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Lanugo · 12-23-2006, 03:54 PM

I'm very depressed at the moment. My husband tells me that he can't decide whether or not to leave me. I'm so scared that he's making a decision based on the way I am now, but the truth is I'm never really a joy to be around. He's so sick of my unpredictabilty and mood variations which I can't blame him for, and I cheated on him around a year ago. I don't know why he's here at all but all I want is for him to care for me. I tried to tell him that when I'm getting anxious I need him to give me space and when I'm down I need him to hold me. He says that these allowances are the kind of thing you do for someone you worship and that I've ruined that.
The thought of my life changing that much, if he did leave, terrifies me. Especially considering that he believes it'll be for him to take our son with him, or that I should leave the house without our son. My little boy is the light of my life.
I'm too weak to actually do anything so I just have to sit and wait for him to make this decision which could change my life forever.
All this and I still am waiting to be properly diagnosed and medicated.

Horrible!

Lanugo xx

formergymnast · 12-23-2006, 04:00 PM

I am really sorry for all of the pain that you (and your husband) must be going through.

Have you thought about joining a support group or getting into counseling?

I haven't suffered from bipolar, but I have gone through depression.

You need to take care of yourself before you can work on your marriage. When you are at your best, mentally & your husband is at his best mentally, then you two can come together & work on your relationship.

Best of luck to both of you!

Lanugo · 12-23-2006, 04:29 PM

We tried counselling nearly a year ago but my husband didn't want to go anymore because it felt like a chore and he felt he shouldn't have to as he didn't have a problem. Now I work two jobs so we haven't time for that anyway. He thinks I should exercise and that it would solve all my problems but I feel like I physically can't do that. I know I should be on antidepressants but when I take them I eventually become manic which I find really scary.

I'm using the words scary and terrified a lot at the moment - sums up my feelings.

Lanugo xx

formergymnast · 12-23-2006, 04:39 PM

It's really great that you are being honest about your feelings--that is important! And you are finding a way to openly discuss them. It can be really hard to admit what you are feeling out loud.

My first husband was encouraged by my counselor to come to my sessions. That it would be beneficial to both of us, but especially to me. He didn't want to have any part of the healing process.

I'm sorry that your husband doesn't want to be involved in couseling. Problems with in a relationship are caused by two people--not just one. You have to remember that you can't control him & how he acts & what he does. The only thing that you can control is you & how you act. You can heal & get stronger. If & when your husband is ready to work on what you have, then you can deal with that together. But you worry about you!

blauermonday · 12-24-2006, 07:09 AM

I am so sorry. My husband decided he wanted out after 11 years this past Valentine's, and it is horrible, horrible, horrible. But we didn't have a child, so I can only imagine your pain over that part of the possible future.

It seems like you really need a mood stabilizer. I tend to spend most of my time being depressed, and my doctor just added Abilify to my mix, and it has made a world of difference for me. Perhaps it might help you as well? Before, I would want to do things, but just couldn't seem to get myself to do them; I slept too much; or I would get so bad I wouldn't even want to do my favorite things like watch movies or paint. The very next day I had a difference, felt motivation and completed tasks, and began to feel good, a good I hadn't felt in years.

Since you are being honest about your feelings, I wonder, are there reasons why YOU might be better without your husband? It was very hard to come to terms with, but I have to admit in the end, that my relationship with my husband not only made many of my issues worst, but was the origin of alot of them. Perhaps you too might be a butterfly just biding time in a cocoon, waiting to be let free to fly and have a happy, fulfilling life.