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Old 01-06-2007, 09:40 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: texas
Posts: 3
T4Taylor06 HB User
is there hope?

I'm 18 years old and I'm bipolar.

I've read some posts about husbands/wifes living with someone who is bipolar.
Many of you have said that you would or will divorce them. Some of you have even said you even wanted to divorce your kids who are bipolar.

Is there hope for someone like me...who takes their meds but still has her moments of manic or depression stages, to find someone to love, care and live with for the rest of our lives. Or is that some fairy tale and not even reality? What happens when I get into a bad depression and think about suicide? Will that someone be there to help me through it? OR if I get manic will they beable to handle that?

Is it so easy for yall to give up? To just walk away?

and what about kids? Can a bipolar mom handle at least one kid?

I dont quite understand this part of my life...please help me.


Old 01-06-2007, 10:02 AM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 133
munchie11 HB User
Re: is there hope?

Hi there

I have been with my husband for 14 years now. He has seen me at my absolute worst. He is a very loving, patient, easy going man and most of the time we are very happy. We have our lows and he constantly sees me struggling to keep my sanity, but we work together. I also have an 8 yo boy, who is very happy and well adjusted and we do many fun things together as a family. I'm currently having an episode, but we get through it and love each other very much. I sometimes feel bad because my husband has to put up with more than just the average husband would, but we accept each other. Yes there is hope. We are very happy together and sometimes I think if I didn't have bp I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Thanx munchie

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Old 01-06-2007, 10:07 AM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: MO
Posts: 109
Used&Abused HB User
Re: is there hope?

I'm divorcing my BP wife because she accepts no responsibilty for her disorder. She is in complete denial and thinks everything is my fault. Your are on this board and that is already 3 steps ahead of my wife.

Living with someone BP is draining to say the least and I can't continue to sacrifice my life for it. I think to answer your question is it comes down to the reality of whether your going to control this illness or are you going to let it control you. Because it's such an evil disorder the person suffering from it really needs to make it top priority every minute of every day to be on top of it.

Many BP people on this board have done a very good job keeping themselves stable and you may be able to do the same thing if you put the effort in. Never keep your condition a secret from a potential mate as that will come back to haunt you for sure. I will have to say though I would probably never be with someone again that had bipolar just because my experience has been so bad that I couldn't do it again.

Hang in there and you will have a good life if work everyday to make sure you manage this disorder the best you can. Never look for weak people as you will need someone very strong to deal with the BP.

Good luck and God Bless,


Last edited by Used&Abused; 01-06-2007 at 10:08 AM.

Old 01-06-2007, 10:12 AM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 133
munchie11 HB User
Re: is there hope?

Hello Used&Abused

I totally agree with you. I do everything in my power to constantly stay well. It would be a very different story with my husband if I didn't take responsibilty for my illness.


Old 01-06-2007, 10:27 AM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: MO
Posts: 109
Used&Abused HB User
Re: is there hope?

well, I be honest in saying I would try to stick it out for sure if my wife did the same. She will not and I'm not sacrificing my life any longer. I need to be the rock for my kids and being with someone in denial isn't fair to the kids. They need a happy dad and I really can't give that to them in this marriage.

They will be much happier in the end with me out of the marriage rather than in it. Just sucks having to go through this with a very manic person right now. I know she will crash very soon but I will not be taking her back this time. Probably will be good for her as she will realize her games aren't working any longer and she will seek help. I pray for her everyday but she is responsible to seek treatment to make her life stable with or without me.

God Bless............. U&A

Old 01-07-2007, 06:53 AM   #6
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 134
blauermonday HB User
Cool Re: is there hope?

I think there is a great deal of hope, especially because you are so young still and have the knowledge that you suffer from BP at such an early age. If you want and choose to, you can aggressively stay on top of your symptoms and develop better coping strategies and thought patterns. Making the effort to be as stable as possible will help you be a better mate, and find a better mate. I don't think one person having BP is what undermines all of the problem marriages, there are other issues sometimes. In my case, my husband blamed the BP, but we had serious underlying incompatability issues. Say we were going to a party. He would want to flirt with everyone and have his ego stroked, then come home with me, me being okay with it. I didn't feel like a respected and valued wife in this scenario. So in the end, BP was neither here nor there. It isn't easy to walk away or give up; I think most of us who have had to end a supposedly enduring relationship have struggled hundreds of hours before coming to the decision.

But back to you. Since your having this illness has been identified so soon in your life, you can better protect yourself against the types of relationships and people that just wouldn't last in the end. For example, you can watch out for co-dependency problems, or other friends and lovers who indulge in activities that would hurt you and worsen symptoms. Almost your whole story is an open book. I can imagine that it is fairly traumatic to learn that you have BP already; the future can loom so large and menacing with a lifetime illness that requires serious efforts at maintenance. I felt that way when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 17. BP still is stigmatized, too. It can feel so unfair, and make you wonder if your dreams are still possible. I really believe they are; BP doesn't have to hold you back from tremendous accomplishments. A few weeks back there was a string where some of us talked about our successes. BP folk can be very talented and intelligent, and can do well out there in the world if they learn how to manage their illness.

I believe there will be someone for you, maybe even someone for me again one day. As long as we are honest with those potential partners, giving them all the knowledge they need, I think a relationship can work. With a worthy person. I'm not saying they have to be perfect, just not people who will take advantage of us on purpose.

When I officially got my diagnosis it was so hard to accept, "What, now this on top of everything else? Why go on?" So I started a special project. I got as many different butterfly iron-on patches as I could and started sewing them onto a white jean jacket. In the end, there were over 140 butterflies on that jacket, and it reminds me I can get through one more day, and that some days I am even happy and grateful to be alive--even had special patches to signify this. I was hospitalized, I lost my husband and home, and can't find a job because the market is tough where I live. But that jacket is there, reminding me to hang on to hope. And I really believe there is hope. What is so hard is how impossible it can be to experience and recall that hopeful feeling when we are depressed, it is almost like a switch is turned off. That's why my tangible object turned out to be so valuable.

And if you truly want to be a mom someday, if you are stable and have a support network that knows what to do when your symptoms get worse for a period, I can see you making it work just fine. Being a mom must surely be doing your best, and there are many fabulous moms out there struggling with other illnesses. Of course, because it is an illness, you can't control all of it, but there is so much that is in your power to affect. But I think today we accept that there is no one right or traditional model for a family.

As for parents acknowledging how hurtful their children can be when in the throes of polar symptoms, not all BP individuals behave in the same way or patterns. Some of them are more inclined to be unkind to themselves rather than others; some isolate. Some struggle more with depression than mania. What is important is that you self-analyze to uncover what your pattern is, and educate your parents/relatives/trusted friends and get their support. And if they turn out to be unsupportive or resistant to you diagnosis (working on the assumption that it is a correct diagnosis), then it is so vital that you get other supportive people in your life.

Sorry if this is too long.

Welcome, by the way!
Blue Monday Linda

Old 01-07-2007, 03:32 PM   #7
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: texas
Posts: 3
T4Taylor06 HB User
Re: is there hope?

Thank you so much for your posts munchie and Linda!

Both of them have helped and have given me so much hope for my future!

god bless


Old 01-07-2007, 03:47 PM   #8
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: WI
Posts: 2,779
tsohl HB User
Re: is there hope?

Hi Taylor,

Linda pretty much said what I was thinking. I think the underlying theme with both the parents and spouses was that they were dealing with unmedicated bipolar individuals...people who refused to believe their diagnosis and would not accept the fact that they had an "illness" or disorder...whatever you care to call it!

In your case, you are in treatment. If you maintain an open and honest relationship with your pdoc and carefully monitor your situation, you can lead a reasonably "normal" life. As you age you may find that your meds will need to be adjusted, so when you feel something isn't quite right, you need to bring it up with your pdoc. Also, there is much hope on the horizon for new meds and new treatments. My son is 25 and I really believe that he will benefit for the exciting research that is in progress right now. So, congratulations on finding the maturity to be able to deal with the devastating news, and on trying to learn as much as you can about your particular condition. Try to live a healthy lifestyle, with good nutrition, sufficient hydration, etc., and continue to take your meds on the proper schedule. These are things you can do to increase your chances of living as normally as possible. Keep posting with your comments and questions. There is lots to learn from people on this board!! best, Tsohl

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