I am very scared and worried--if I don't get a job by 2/1, I will have to give up my apartment and find new homes for my 3 pets. I would have to move back in with my parents. I know that worrying doesn't help me one bit, but sometimes I just can't squash it. I think having an independent space and my little furry friends is good for my mental health, and giving up the pets would break my heart; I have had them so long, and who wants to adopt old or ailing animals when there are cute kittens to be had? I know it is irrational, but I am afraid if I have to move back home, that will be it, game over. Might as well institutionalize me.
Just had to express this and get it out of my system...
Funny how I can be posting to another member about how there is hope just recently and then I can be posting this. I better go look at my butterfly jacket! Hopeful--hopeless--hopeful--hopeless--hopeful.....
My motherly instincts also note the time of your post. Are you taking care of yourself? Getting enough sleep? Trying to keep to a routine? I would suggest you look at your butterfly jacket during the day and try to get regular sleep at night!
Would it be possible to take a job that you could get right away--something to tide you over until you get the type of job you're looking for? Or is there some kind of rent assistance program in your area? How about going to a temp. employment office to see what they might have that you could get right away? I'd hate for you to lose your apartment. I'll be sending lots of positive energy your way, wishing you the best....Tsohl
Thanks for your post. It is nice when at least one person posts once a person has started a new string, you know?
I have been trying very hard to take good care of myself, but I also suffer from fibromyalgia and back injuries from a car accident, and the extreme weather shifts where I live are really aggravating those conditions. That is why I was awake that late that night. I think I have been having what they call a flare for about 2 weeks now. Fortunately, I have a primary doc appointment today.
I have been registered with 2 employment agencies, have had my resume on the web, and applied to at least a dozen job opportunities online. I am limited somewhat on what I can do because of the conditions I mentioned above--meant seasonal sales or stocking positions weren't really an option. Believe me, I would have done that if I could have, just to gain the time. It didn't help that everything slows down so during the holidays--everybody wants to party or plan the party, or meet the budget. I think I have an interview tomorrow, though.
When I am not feeling so hopeless, I know something will come soon--I do have some great skills and qualifications; I just worry about the timing. My father can't pay my rent forever, especially since one of my other sisters is in the same boat, but with no good job prospects, and she needs the financial help too. But I think my mom is very sympathetic, especially understanding how traumatic it would be to lose the cats, how I really have been trying, and doing better considering all I have been through in the last 9 months. She does have a lot of open credit she could use if she wanted, but oh, how I long not to have to keep needing their gracious help. I want to earn my own way, not add to the burdens. I know my parents don't expect or want a dime back from me, but that doesn't feel okay after all they have done for me. I know someday that extra money will be needed, perhaps during their retirement. But hopefully by then I will have a stable history of working again.
As the mom of a 25-year old, I can relate to your situation and to that of your parents. It sounds like you are working hard to maintain your health and stability and that you are looking for work. Try to stay positive and believe that something will open up for you soon. I'm sending lots of positive vibes your way! Take good care, Tsohl
I thought about the possibility of living with my sister, but she is allergic to cats and lives in another state, Nevada. I don't think the snowy weather would be good for my fibromyalgia and back problems, and she absolutely will not leave the Reno area for some reason.
hi blauermonday, I do also think that having your own place and pets is beneficial to one's mental health. I just recently got my own place and since I am at a slightly better place stability-wise, it has been good for me to get out of my parent's house.
If you cannot find a job by 2/1 can your parents loan you the money and then you could continue to search and pay them back? Or could you just take a job that is a kind of "last resort" option for you and then keep searching until you find a better one? At least that way you will have a job and have money for rent and at the same time you can still be looking for a better job.
I hope you find one so you will be able to hang onto your apartment! Keep us updated!
Thank you once again all for the prayers and positive energy--I got a job yesterday! They offered it about an hour after my interview. It is only for sure for 1 month, but it is kind of a probation period, to see how I do and if it will be a good fit, so now it is my chance to DO something, prove myself. I am very excited, and immensely grateful. It means I can keep the apartment and my pets for at least 2 months more, and if the job works out, hopefully, longer. Since it is through the temp employment agency, I will get paid weekly and not get stuck waiting 3 weeks for my first paycheck. And, I start TODAY! Miracles happen....
I got offered the second job, too, and did really well on the competency tests for it, but it is only for 3 weeks. If the shifts work out, I may be able to do both, and save the extra for more months rent. I am not sure what is the wisest course on this yet, but I have a little time to decide before it starts, 2 weeks.
I can't stop smiling and thinking "thank you-thank you-thank you" to God, and to my virtual support group of you!
You believed in yourself and that confidance carried you through.
I am so happy for you.
Often these temporary situations work into full-time, permanant jobs, so show them what you can do!!
My first day went really well, and passed quickly because I was involved in work I truly enjoy.
Thanks for celebrating with me!
Sometimes the tears we cry are tears of joy and gratitude... I must strive to remember this feeling of gratefulness, on the hard days, because it will be worth fighting through them in order to keep my independence and the meowing trio.
Time to get to bed, though.
In return for what you have meant to me, may good come back to you, kindred spirits!
Hi To All & B-monday,
I Feel Same Way. My Son Is Bipolar And I Havnt Worked Since March To Take Care Of Him And His Sister. And You Gave Me Needed Hope I Know It Will Work Out But I Am Worried Sick You Understand.
Ty For Listenin. Good Luck On Your Job.
Also I Have 2 Cats And They Are Like My Little Kids Too.
I wrote about my butterfly jacket in a different post. Would you like to hear about it? It really got me through some tough months, and if you like doing craft projects or some other hobby, it might inspire a similar project for you.
I may write a book about it, called The Butterfly Project.
My heart is with you, and the tough issues and decisions you have had to face and continue to face. Care-givers and those supportive of people with chronic illness have to cope with a lot, and it isn't widely recognized, publicized, or understood yet that they themselves need mental health support as much as the ill person.
I really don't think I could be me without my pets; feeling their unconditional affection has helped me more than I can ever say.
I hope everybody has a nice day!
Last edited by blauermonday; 02-02-2007 at 02:05 AM.
Well, the second job didn't work out, but I am still very grateful to be able to handle the first! I had good news yesterday, an extension of my assignment for another 2 weeks. This means I can keep the apartment and cats for March. I can breathe a little sigh of relief. And I got some recognition for doing good work; it was terrific. Yet it is funny how good things can be triggers; I was quite wound up after the news. My thoughts were like runaway horses and I had to crack the whip to round them up and get back to my task.
I am so far away from Monday, when I felt so hopeless. I was affected physically by the depression; on the drive home I was so sad I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. It was very strange. I hated myself and felt like everyone else hated me too. I must remember that my feelings are just feelings, not always grounded in fact. And be glad that eventually they change for the better.
I think I will be brave enough to wear the butterfly jacket today.
Last edited by blauermonday; 02-02-2007 at 02:15 AM.
Today I start my fifth week of work, and have only missed one day, because of car issues. This is a good achievement for me, because of the mornings I have fought through feeling sick and gone anyway. It means I might be able to do it, work and pay for my apartment for a longer period of time.
I forgot to take my abilify on Sunday, and Monday I could really feel the effect of forgetting: I couldn't concentrate as well, and things felt negative but I couldn't express to myself or others why I felt so bad. Actually, by the end of the day, I felt rather confused. Tuesday and yesterday were better, except that I am angry over the way my new friend in the department is being treated: I think supervisors are trying to freeze her out, into quitting. It is frustrating to me to see, and I am not in a position to do anything, for I am just a temp and really need my paycheck. But feeling the tension isn't good for me since I am so sensitive. I am hoping that I will be able to maintain my vision--paying for March's rent--and not give up and quit myself because of the negative office politics or because I am getting physcially tired from the commute and workday, which is hard with the fibromyalgia and back injuries. I am trying to do something new and persevere. It is a matter of staying focused and not letting any depressed spell get too deep. So far, so good. There are two more weeks in the assignment that I have agreed to; I don't know if I would agree to more. I do have to struggle to contain the worry over April's rent. The worry wriggles to the front of my thoughts every so often, and I have to push it back down, mostly out of mind, since indulging it won't help anything. This weekend I need to spend more awake time at my apartment, to enjoy it while I have it and the pets.
Hey Congrats on the job! Don't worry there are office politics everywhere....just try to mind your business, do your job and keep your nose clean. After all.....maybe you don't know what went on before you came there with your friend and the supervisor. Just worry about yourself, your rent and your pets. Don't let someone elses problem detract you from your goal......working and bringing home a paycheck. All of us who work deal with annoying people....its just the way it is. You sound great! Keep up the good work and hug those pets for me!