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Old 01-08-2007, 01:24 PM   #1
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Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Where do I start...

I feel mixed up a lot, and often times I'll find it difficult to keep a straight thought. Other times I'll get one thing on my mind and won't be able to stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try. When I start talking I'll forget what I'm talking about and discontinue mid sentence. Other times I'll not be able to pick the right word when I'm speaking out loud, or sometimes I'll use the wrong words and my sentence will seem nonsensical. I'm very anxious all the time, and sometimes when my friends make fun of me jokingly, I'll take offense to it and become upset, withdrawn, and left in a bad mood for a long time. I am paranoid quite often, and sometimes I feel that everyone is personally attacking me alone, and dis including me deliberately. I find I monitor my every move, and everything I say so I won't say something dumb, and this makes fluent speech hard. Sometimes I feel like I want to jump out of my own skin. It feels there is somewhat of a pressure inside my head, so I rub my face and head a lot. I also fidget constantly; finger tapping usually. I find if I don't sleep I'm pretty much non functional. My skin sometimes feels really hot, but other times cold. I don't hear voices, but if I stare at things they will appear to pulsate in and out, and sometimes look like they are growing. I constantly have the feeling that I want something, but I can never figure out what it is. I'm sad a lot of the time, and I have insomnia.

All of these symptoms started about two years ago, and 8 or 9 months after symptoms started, I began smoking pot daily to help me cope. Smoking pot helped me be able to concentrate on single things, and I was able to understand things much more efficiently.

This past September, on the first weekend after school started, I took LSD with my friends (I didn't think I had any sort of mental problem at the time) and I strongly disliked the experience. For a few days after I felt the symptoms much worse than I used to, but after time they slowly went back to "normal". After this, my life turned amazing. I was able to easily talk to everyone, to laugh at people's jokes, and my mind felt clearer than it ever had before. People enjoyed being around me at this point, because I wasn't so confused or depressing anymore. The pot smoking continued, and in October I took some mushrooms with my friends, and had the absolute best night of my life. For a week after that I was pretty much living on air. The absolute best two months of my life were October and November, 2006. December is when things started turning abnormal. I took mushrooms with friends twice and had pretty horrible trips both times, yet directly afterwards I still felt fairly normal. A week or so later all the symptoms started coming back, worse than ever, and now I'm in complete distress, and having a horrible time trying to function. I get frustrated and confused easily, and the feeling I'm having is very similar to the "coming up" stage I experienced on LSD. I just recently quit pot, but I've stopped smoking before and felt very clear headed for the few weeks I was off it, and didn't feel anything like I do now.

I'm scared.

Can someone give me some idea of what is going on?

 
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Old 01-08-2007, 01:36 PM   #2
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Also, I forgot to say that I often talk to myself (in my head, not out loud), and I'll play out different situations in my mind, which are sometimes based on negative events in my past or sometimes I'm imagining what will happen in the immediate future. Sometimes I will see things out of the corner of my eye, which will startle me, but when I turn to look at it, there will be nothing there, and every now and then I'll get tunnel vision. I have a humungous lack of energy as well.

Last edited by Tigersuit; 01-08-2007 at 01:36 PM.

 
Old 01-08-2007, 01:38 PM   #3
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Hi Nobody here can really say whether you are Bipolar or not, only a board certified psychiatrist could do so but it is obvious that by what you share here that something is going on for which you could use some help.

I have been doing alot of research about Bipolar because my 15 year old daughter was just recently diagnosed and there is a definite link to the use of drugs worstening Bipolar which seems to be the case with you and your symptoms. They say that the first year of college is usually when most adolescents are diagnosed because that is when the most experimentation with drugs/alcohol takes place as well as exposure to alot of stress which will bring about symptoms of the disorder. Sounds as if this may be the case with you as well.

My advice would be to make an appointment with a good psychiatrist ASAP....it is obvious that you haven't been feeling right for a good period of time and that things are now worstening. Please lay off all drugs....if you do have Bipolar and it is not being treated properly, using drugs can cause a psychotic episode and you certainly don't want to place yourself in that situation.

I hope that you will find the help that you need to find out what exactly is going on. Don't ignore this, it is important that you be evaluated soon so that you can be properly diagnosed and treated. The good thing is that Bipolar is treatable and you could be feeling alot better if on the right meds. Use of drugs is self medicating and will only make things worse.

Good luck and keep us posted with how things go. ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 01-08-2007 at 01:40 PM.

 
Old 01-08-2007, 02:09 PM   #4
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Thanks a lot

Anyone else?

 
Old 01-08-2007, 02:20 PM   #5
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

nah I don't think so.....you don't sound bi-polar to me, although you do sound like you could have OCD.
why don't you check out the OCD board?

 
Old 01-08-2007, 02:34 PM   #6
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Hello Tigersuit! This is my first post on this board, because I found out that I may be Bipolar. I'm 19 and I've had many of the symptoms that you described, but my Doctor isn't completely sure if I'am Bipolar. If my recent medication dosen't work, he says I'm probably Bipolar. Like you I feel GREAT, at other times I feel Dreadful. Also, when I stare at things, they pulsate in and out and it looks like it's growing, it happens a lot, I can definitely relate to you on that! The lack of energy too. I worry constantly, I'm just so tired of all of this. It's a never ending cycle. I just wish that it would all go away!! Best wishes to you Tigersuit!! Hang in there, your not alone!

~NicoletteAshley

 
Old 01-08-2007, 03:36 PM   #7
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Thanks for all of your help guys.

I just thought of another symptom: I get these strange sensations all over my body. It makes me feel as if I need to stretch or move around constantly, and it's very uncomfortable.

Last edited by Tigersuit; 01-08-2007 at 03:36 PM.

 
Old 01-08-2007, 04:49 PM   #8
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Tiger are you on any prescribed medications?

 
Old 01-08-2007, 05:08 PM   #9
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

I take 1/4 of a 50mg Trazodone pill every night to help me sleep, other than that, no.

Last edited by Tigersuit; 01-08-2007 at 05:09 PM.

 
Old 01-13-2007, 12:53 AM   #10
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Tigersuit, you are the most one i find that i can relate to on this board with concern to the anxiety and obsessiveness with thought and action. the worrying, the pulsating objects (it's so weird I've realized it's been happening so much this past year and i never given it much thought), along with the paranoia, and obsessive self-monitoring. it's to the point where, like you mentioned, i play out scenes of the past or situations that maybe happen in the future, either ideal or not, constantly. and since i read your thread (2 days ago i believe) i made an effort not to obsess as much about finding the "right" and "perfect" word/s to say while speaking. i too have difficulty most times with fluency in speech because of that reason, to the point that i may appear to have a language problem! and ever since i acknowledged (from your post) that my lack of fluency in speech is primary due to my obsessiveness, i've now purposely started to just say whatever word that comes to mind instead of searching and searching for the PERFECT word i can use.. i now use the most AVAILABLE word on my mind at the moment that fits my sentence and intention instead. i've been speaking much more fluently since i've started this and i feel so much better about that. i just hope i keep it up and that you may learn something out of this so that you may benefit as well.


in my view, it's hard to see bipolar disorder as a possible diagnosis, especially since i don't know if you had problems with mood during the previous few years at least (or in your teens) as they are signs of the onset of bipolar disorder. also, you just mentioned that you started feeling strange and messed up (paranoid obsessive and all) and consequently self-medicated through drugs. the drugs, as you know, can have a significant effect on your thought, emotion, and well-being. best bet is to quit them all IN A HEALTHY MANNER (if you need help with that then get it for your own sake) so that you can eliminate the falsly attributing your distressed state to anything.

it's true the OCD includes the word "compulsive," but usually a diagnosis can be made if the obsessive thoughts (which in and of themselves are compulsive by nature) significantly impact/impair your daily function in 1 or more aspect of your life, i believe, and takes up (if counted) at least an hour of your entire day (the obsessions/compulsions). i think your symptoms come close to that, Paranoia, and/or, potentially, ADD.

****this is just my opinion from what i know based solely on the information that you have provided in your initial post on this thread****

i hope this helps. if you want to know more about what warrants a diagnosis of OCD, ADD, or Paranoid personalities, etc., just search on a search engine and i can assure you that you'll find plenty of what you'd be looking for. (if not, let me know and i'll give you one myself, it's just that right now i'm too tired to look for anything).

Take care,
~para

 
Old 01-14-2007, 01:01 PM   #11
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Thank you for your input. My most prominent symptom at the moment is this severe state of brain fog/sensitivity I'm feeling. My mental state feels like a swollen cut. I'm sensitive to stimulus and when I have to pay close attention to something, it seems to make my anxiety worse.

Last edited by Tigersuit; 01-14-2007 at 02:30 PM.

 
Old 01-14-2007, 05:19 PM   #12
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Hi there. I just came across your post. I'm going to finish reading it if I can focus long enough . I have a tendency to skim across reading material very quickly and pick up "key sentences and phrases" .
Sounds like you and I are in the same exact situation almost at the same time. I was looking for a place to chat with people like me.

 
Old 01-14-2007, 06:06 PM   #13
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Wow. The more I read your entries the more I see myself. Verbatim.
I go through the SAME events a lot. Even when on medication I still have issues. The highs the lows. And the unquiet mind. It's terrible.
I wish we could talk in person.

95% of what you have written below is me and my personality. I smoke pot occasionally also. It calms me down a lot. But I don't like get really really stoned. Just enough to cut the edge is good for me.
Tried LSD once and never did it again. Never tried mushrooms and although I really wanted to I never tried Ecstacy.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigersuit View Post
Where do I start...

I feel mixed up a lot, and often times I'll find it difficult to keep a straight thought. Other times I'll get one thing on my mind and won't be able to stop thinking about it no matter how hard I try. When I start talking I'll forget what I'm talking about and discontinue mid sentence. Other times I'll not be able to pick the right word when I'm speaking out loud, or sometimes I'll use the wrong words and my sentence will seem nonsensical. I'm very anxious all the time, and sometimes when my friends make fun of me jokingly, I'll take offense to it and become upset, withdrawn, and left in a bad mood for a long time. I am paranoid quite often, and sometimes I feel that everyone is personally attacking me alone, and dis including me deliberately. I find I monitor my every move, and everything I say so I won't say something dumb, and this makes fluent speech hard. Sometimes I feel like I want to jump out of my own skin. It feels there is somewhat of a pressure inside my head, so I rub my face and head a lot. I also fidget constantly; finger tapping usually. I find if I don't sleep I'm pretty much non functional. My skin sometimes feels really hot, but other times cold. I don't hear voices, but if I stare at things they will appear to pulsate in and out, and sometimes look like they are growing. I constantly have the feeling that I want something, but I can never figure out what it is. I'm sad a lot of the time, and I have insomnia.

All of these symptoms started about two years ago, and 8 or 9 months after symptoms started, I began smoking pot daily to help me cope. Smoking pot helped me be able to concentrate on single things, and I was able to understand things much more efficiently.

This past September, on the first weekend after school started, I took LSD with my friends (I didn't think I had any sort of mental problem at the time) and I strongly disliked the experience. For a few days after I felt the symptoms much worse than I used to, but after time they slowly went back to "normal". After this, my life turned amazing. I was able to easily talk to everyone, to laugh at people's jokes, and my mind felt clearer than it ever had before. People enjoyed being around me at this point, because I wasn't so confused or depressing anymore. The pot smoking continued, and in October I took some mushrooms with my friends, and had the absolute best night of my life. For a week after that I was pretty much living on air. The absolute best two months of my life were October and November, 2006. December is when things started turning abnormal. I took mushrooms with friends twice and had pretty horrible trips both times, yet directly afterwards I still felt fairly normal. A week or so later all the symptoms started coming back, worse than ever, and now I'm in complete distress, and having a horrible time trying to function. I get frustrated and confused easily, and the feeling I'm having is very similar to the "coming up" stage I experienced on LSD. I just recently quit pot, but I've stopped smoking before and felt very clear headed for the few weeks I was off it, and didn't feel anything like I do now.

I'm scared.

Can someone give me some idea of what is going on?

 
Old 01-14-2007, 06:53 PM   #14
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Question Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

I have this problem too. And much too often. The talking to one's self (in my head) I see things in my peripheral vision at times to look and find nothing also.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigersuit View Post
Also, I forgot to say that I often talk to myself (in my head, not out loud), and I'll play out different situations in my mind, which are sometimes based on negative events in my past or sometimes I'm imagining what will happen in the immediate future. Sometimes I will see things out of the corner of my eye, which will startle me, but when I turn to look at it, there will be nothing there, and every now and then I'll get tunnel vision. I have a humungous lack of energy as well.

 
Old 01-14-2007, 07:26 PM   #15
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Re: Am I bipolar? If not, what am I?

Well I'm glad I'm not alone.
I haven't been able to find anything about anyone having similar symptoms until now.

Last edited by moderator2; 01-15-2007 at 12:47 PM.

 
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