how does BP affect the family?? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

4support · 02-02-2007, 12:30 PM

Hi everyone,
I am interested in hearing from non-BP's who have been married to BP spouses for many years and how you cope with the unpredictability of moods and the neverending struggles that they face without letting it affect your own mental health, how dealing with this disorder has affected you and also your children. My spouse does not like to discuss his behaviour, he is medicated and occasionally goes to therapy, but he still does not like to discuss his mood swings or how it affects us and continues to try to blame his behaviour on someone else. He still does not seem to understand how having a wonderful husband/father one minute and a raving angry/hurtful husband/father the next minute upsets the rest of the family. I would love to open up some communication on this because I think it could help all of us by sharing and because there is such limited information out there to help those of us who really love and try our best to support our BP spouses, but who worry about how their behaviour affects the family. I am really looking for ways to focus and embrace the joy and positives in our lives, not by pretending that the illness doesn't exist, but without allowing the BP ups and downs to have such power over clouding these things over.

Thank you for all of your insight,
4support

rosequartz · 02-02-2007, 01:16 PM

I was married to a non-medicated BP for 10 years and I can only say that this condition will tear up and destroy a family. That's one reason I never had kids.....I didn't want to raise another generation of abusers. When kids are around that behavior, they learn it. They learn that it's ok to treat people bad, talk to them with no respect, treat them with no respect, and generally be abusive. They also learn that they don't deserve better. They end up with abusive spouses because that's what their non-BP parent did, or they end up as abusers because that's what they learned from their BP parent. I don't think it's a good environment to subject children to, and if you really want them to grow up emotionally healthy you will get them and yourself out of that situation.
I know that's not what you want to hear. You want a solution, I wish I could wave a magic wand, unfortunately I know first hand that you cant. Please protect your children.

rosequartz · 02-02-2007, 01:18 PM

I suggest you read some of the posts from people here.....start with insickness and in health by used and abused.
or search out some posts by distroyed. They will tell you first hand what this does to a family.

tsohl · 02-02-2007, 01:20 PM

Welcome to the board

I'm sure others will have specific suggestions and thoughts for you. I would like to suggest that you look for the website of ****. If you aren't familiar with it, it is a national group that advocates for the mentally ill. They have local chapters all over the country and run support groups, training and education for people with a mental illnesses and their families and caregivers. It is an excellent resource for education , support and referrals. In particular, they offer a free program called "Family to Family." It is a peer-run group that lasts for 12 weeks and covers many topics pertaining to living with someone who is bipolar. You can check it out on their website. There are 39 local chapters in the state of Texas. You can find this on their website also.

Good luck to you.
Tsohl

4support · 02-02-2007, 01:34 PM

Hi Tsohl, thank you for recommending **** - I am active on their website and am looking into the programs and support groups that they have to offer.

Many thanks for the support.