lost again please help - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

cheeneyjo · 02-04-2007, 07:46 AM

I'm Joe. I have been for a long time and clean for 3 years. I'm 34 in MI. In Dec I lost my dad. I was very close to hima nd could talk to him . He would either just listen or let me go with a warning. I have been smoking pot for the last 2 months. My girlfriend found out and it may be ending our relationship. I don't have it any more cause she threw the pot out! It helped I say, but the world says no. I just need to get through this. anyone out there been threw and can let me know I am not alone. Please feel free to put your 2 cents in.

Thanks
Joe

goody2shuz · 02-04-2007, 02:20 PM

Hi, Joe

I just wanted to welcome you and say hello until others chiime in here.

I am a little confused here, have you been diagnosed as being Bipolar??? YOur post is a little confusing as to whether you are bipolar or not.

I haven't been in your situation but it is apparent that the pot smoking is not helping your relationship and is also being used perhaps to make you feel better. The thing is, it will but for only a short while and in the long run it is only going to hurt you. I say that if you can stick it out and quit you may have a better life overall.

Now if you are bipolar and use pot it will only impede the progress that you may be making with the meds that have been perscribed to help. Are you on any meds at this point in time?? And do you know why you smoke pot to begin with??

Perhaps answering some of these questions may help us be able to put things in better perspective so that we can support you.

I hope my questions do not offend you in anyway....just trying to understand things a little bit better is all.

Hope that you come back and give us a chance. There are many here who would like to offer you support but do keep in mind that the weekends are slow and it is Superbowl Sunday.

I am not a football fan so that is why you were lucky enough to get me

Anyway....welcome and I hope to see more of you around here.

~ Goody

Dantheinsane · 02-04-2007, 04:43 PM

I am a little confused also. On the pot issue, first you say you are clean 3 years then you say you have been smoking pot recently?

It is one or the other? You can't have both. It is like being pregnant, you either are or are not. Since you have been smoking pot you are not clean and sober.

Recovery is not a make believed land of people lying at meetings and imagining their happiness, it is real and cannot be faked. At least faked for any sort of length of time. The truth shows itself in due time.

Following the doctors directions does not break a persons sobriety. Not following the doctors direction and one more time playing God and knowing more than the doctor can lead you to break your sobriety and has for many people.

Besides that this is the bipolar board and addiction is next door.

cheeneyjo · 02-05-2007, 01:38 PM

I'm sorry you were confused. My girlfriend read the post before I submitted it and somehow lost it and had to retype it.

Yes, I have been diagnosed for Bipolar. I was diagnosed 3 years ago officially, but when I was in the military I was kicked out for misconduct and they said I was Bipolar but did nothing about it and neither did I. I did drugs really bad for about 16 years. I got clean almost three years ago and hadn't used until just the last 2 months. That's what I mean about being clean for three years.

I am on lithobid, welbutrin, and lexapro.

My therapists have siad that I was self-mediacting myself for all those years that I did drugs. In Novemebr I started having cravings again and then my dad got sick unexpectedly and I lost him Dec 3. I took it hard and just let myself believe I could use to cover the pain.

I have a 2 year old with a trach and feeding tube, whcih is very stressful. I have not been honest with myself, doctors, or family recently. No one knew I was using again and yes I was taking my bipolar meds on top of that. I plan on letting my docs know, incase they think my meds need to be adjusted. I am not seeing a pdoc at this time, just a family doc. I have seen a pdoc before , but then moved, so I am on a waiting list at the local community mental health, where I see a thereapist.

I'm sorry my post was confusing. I am here because I am bipolar and not sure how to deal with all that being bipolar comes with. I have a very short temper and seem to fly off the handle on my children alot and family members. SOmetimes I don't even remember yelling at people.

Any advice would be appreciated.

tsohl · 02-05-2007, 04:49 PM

Hello and welcome

Thanks for clarifying your post. I think people didn't reply because they weren't sure what you were communicating.

I have a 25-year old son who is bipolar 1. He spent a number of years "self-medicating." It is very difficult for your doc to get your meds adjusted while you are using drugs. So if you can, it would be great if you could get off the pot.

Sounds to me like your BP is not yet being controlled by the meds you are on. You should be feeling more stable and in control, without the immense agitation. I think you'll find that you have more patience with your children when your meds are balanced.

Stress can bring on an episode, and you have obviously been through one of the most stressful experiences of a lifetime. But try to give yourself a chance, don't drink or smoke and really give your meds a chance to work while you really are clean and sober. My son was really reluctant to give up pot...but when he finally did was when the pdoc was able to find the right mix of meds for him...that was 2 years ago and he has been stable and healthy ever since.

Please keep posting with your comments and questions. People on this board have lots of tips and support to share.

Good luck to you.
Tsohl