My DH refuses to try Lamictial;but will cont. counseling... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Kymberlee · 02-06-2007, 02:09 PM

My DH went off all of his AD's and was getting ready to try the new med. (or so I thought) and NOW he is saying, "I feel much better being off all those drugs! I'm not gonna take that new one!" He told his PDOC he's feeling "great" and wants to try no drugs...but plans to continue the marriage counseling that we've been going to for about one month. I'm not sure if he has BP or Depression...

I just lost alot of hope that I once had when I heard this from him!

I thought we had a much better future if he tried the meds. AND counseling. No, well, I'm just hopeless. I really cannot see how this can ever work. He continues to say things like, "Everything at home (my fault) is why I'm so depressed!"

Anyone else ever have this experience???

tsohl · 02-06-2007, 06:11 PM

Hi Kym,

This isn't an answer for you, but I am very curious and would like to know what the pdoc said when your husband told him he wouldn't take anything because he felt great? Also, from what you wrote, your husband has not been diagnosed by the pdoc? There is a question of whether he is bipolar or is he being treated for depression? In any case, as you already know, you are in for a hard time if your husband will not take any medication for his condition.

Regarding your question, there are a number of women on this board right now that are going through the same thing as you, wondering the same question, receiving the same comments from their husbands. Check out a thread "how does BP affect the family?" written by 4support. I know she would love to hear from you. I've been posting with her but I do not have any firsthand knowledge. My connection to all this is through my son who is bippolar 1.

Stay warm!
Tsohl

marshmallow · 02-07-2007, 06:09 AM

I can relate to what you said. I was always the cause of his rage and all else that went wrong. He could not understand why I did or said anything. He would rage on about something but if I tried to say one word I was either told to shut up or screamed at with his saying STOP. He was not on meds either and I can only say without meds a bipolar cannot make it work.

Kymberlee · 02-07-2007, 12:58 PM

TSOHL & MASHMALLOW, Thanks for your replies. tsohl, I'm not sure if my husband is being treated for depression or bipolar. I'm not 'allowed' to go with him to his PDOC Appts. I'm told by my DH that it's 'none of my business' what goes on there.

My DH told me that his PDOC said okay, let's try it without meds. My DH has another APPT. scheduled with his PDOC in MAY. Yes, that's right, not till MAY. Even as I'm writing this I am so angry that I could spit!

Here I believed we really had a chance to get our marriage back on track with counseling AND meds. I just feel like this is a big waste of time. I really don't know how long I'm going to stick around for this crap. I've been thru years & years of this and I'm just soooo tired. I feel like I deserve so much better! (My son, too.)

I also feel like I'd be happier without him in my life now. It's just the whole process is scary...

BUT I do know that many other women out there have done it before me; so I know it can be done. Thanks for listening and your replies. It helps me to get this stuff off of my chest! Kym.

tsohl · 02-07-2007, 01:49 PM

Hi Kym,
I remember reading your posts last summer or fall when you were having a hard time deciding if you should stay or leave (hope I'm remembering that correctly). I was pleased to see your recent post...and thought you had been making good progress, but I can see from this reply that not much has changed.

I am not married to someone with BP...in my case it is my 25-year old son that is BP...but regardless, anyone can see that it is not fair for your husband to exclude you from his mental health issues. We all know that at least some people with BP are very good at lying, or rearranging the facts, and in covering. Who knows what he has told the pdoc? If the pdoc doesn't want to see him again until May, he has obviously been able to convince the pdoc that he is stable and able to cope and remain stable without medication.

Depending on how much you want to pursue this, I would call his pdoc. I know all about confidentiality but I think you could ask him to speak to you without breaking his obligation to your husband. Maybe you could just make an appointment for yourself...go in and tell him that you are trying to save your marriage but that you can't do it on your own and that your husband is cutting you out of all decisions...etc. Just explain as you have here, ect. Do you think this might make any difference?

If you read through these other threads, it doesn't sound like your future is very bright if your husband refuses to take medication and refuses to even discuss his illness with you. Are you in a position to try a trial separation? How old is your son? Do you have any family to support you?

I really can't believe someone telling his wife it is none of her business. Sorry. Guess I am kind of naive!!

Well, I've asked enough questions for one post.
Take care,
Tsohl