does anyone else feel the same or other? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

kathryn00 · 02-09-2007, 10:55 AM

This came out of some frustrations with my family and their understanding of me. that is a totally long story, but here are some things that came out of the situation:

The feelings that I had when all that crap went down were something that I have never experienced before.

It is almost indescribable.

I can only say that is must be like a fire in your mind that you try to douse with alcohol, drugs, spending, cutting, gluttony, anger. Except every time you douse the fire, there is always an ember left burning. The fire continues to flare up and you keep dousing it, but it never goes away.

The fight tires you out, wears you down until you no longer know which way is up, what a normal existence is or the fact that you can get help, you can put the fire out.

This need to communicate these feelings to others comes out in music, writing, art. But, we are never really understood and this feeds the fire yet enhances the creativity.

I believe when you have no outlet for your thoughts and feelings that you can become mad living inside your own head.

My fire is speaking and having a busy brain

I am making slow progress, but I am exhausted. I will certainly never give up trying because I know what life should be like and if I don’t achieve some kind of semblance of that, I will surely go mad.

Have a thoughtful day,
Kathryn

martavee · 02-09-2007, 05:53 PM

I don't think I could describe it any better than you just have.

I hate it when I get so out of touch with reality/burnt out that I kind of go into auto-pilot/screen saver/surreal mode and lose my creativity. I think that's when I get extremely down because you do become mad just living inside your own head which makes no sense whatsoever.

cheeneyjo · 02-09-2007, 10:56 PM

YES!!!!! u took the words out of my mouth because i just screw things up when i try to tell what its like thanks for your voice god bless what ever god works for u !!!!!!!