I am scared, angry and lonely - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

BPBlue · 02-10-2007, 09:46 PM

Hello,
My name is Blue and this is my first time here. I am not sure how all this works, but I really don't have any where else to go. I have been trying to deal with this illness (diagnosed for 3 and a half years) by myself and it is not working well. Everything seems to be getting worse. Each year it is harder and harder to control. The medication doesn't seem to help alot, I feel pretty much the same on it or off it.

I do things without realizing I am doing them, I have to rely on other people to let me know I am not doing well. This however is not a good thing, as it is my co-workers who point these things out to me. It was brought to my attention on friday I did not smell so good, and realized I had not showered or changed my pants or socks for a few weeks. I am slipping again. These depressions have almost become second nature.

I have been hospitalized six (6) times in the past eighteen months, I just can't do another one. The debt alone is killing me.

I feel so utterly and completly alone, I have lost my wife of twelve (12) years, a very succesful buisness, and pushed all my friends away. The only thing I have left is a beautiful little boy that needs me to be there for him.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I had to say something or i was going to explode.

Thank you,
Blue

jules3 · 02-10-2007, 10:10 PM

Are you on any medications now? there has to be something out there that can help you. Have you been seeing the same pdoc for the past 3 years?

BPBlue · 02-10-2007, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jules3

Are you on any medications now? there has to be something out there that can help you. Have you been seeing the same pdoc for the past 3 years?

I am currently on Zyprexa, and Vistaril, and no I have not seen the same pdoc, my current said I scared him and asked me to find a new one. I have an appointment on monday with a new pdoc.

Blue

goody2shuz · 02-10-2007, 10:31 PM

Hi, BPblue

Welcome!!! I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling any better than after 3 years. I have a feeling that they just haven't found the right meds for you yet. If the meds are not working then it is time that you work with a doctor to find the right ones until you do.

Please do not give up hope of feeling better. It sounds as if you have more symptoms of depression than anything else and there are meds that may help address that side of things. My daughter was just recently diagnosed and had 5 hospitalizations before they properly diagnosed and treated her. She is doing so much better now that she is on the right meds.

So I am here to let you know that there is hope and perhaps it is good that you are going to another pdoc. Sounds as if the first one didn't do very much for you, so perhaps this will be your big break.

By the way, my daughter is on Lamictal and Seroquel and that combo is working well for her.

I hope that this new doctor helps you to find the right meds. Meanwhile know that there are many people here who are willing to listen and offer you support.

Good luck and let us know how the appointment with the new pdoc goes.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody

MSLAINIE · 02-11-2007, 02:27 AM

OH BLUE I'M SO SORRY YOUR SO LONELY,
I AM ANGRY TOO FOR YOU....WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR DOC WAS SCARED, I THINK HE NEEDS A NEW JOB...I AM GLAD YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT TOMORROW. YOUR REAL FRIENDS WILL BE THERE WHEN YOUR READY. AS FAR AS YOUR WIFE, THINGS HAPPEN AND SOME PEOPLE CANT DEAL. I AM MSLAINIE AND MY SON IS BIPOLAR NOW 16. ITS BEEN 3 LONG LONG YEARS AND I LOST MY HUSBAND 9YEARS AGO. HE IS BIPOLAR SELF MEDICATES. MY SON ON OTHER HAND AFTER 3YEARS, MANY DOCS, PSYS, SUICIDE ATTEMPS AND HOMICIDAL THOUGHS AND MANY HOSPITAL TRIPS. IS NOW OK. HE ON DEPAKOTE AND ABILIFY. BUT IT TOOK MANY COMBO'S TO GET RIGHT. AND THERE IS HELP FOR YOU. I LOOKED UP YOUR CITY AND STATE. THERE IS A PROGRAM CALLED **** AND YOU CAN CALL 1-800-873-TALK 24/7. THEY HAVE MANY MANY PROGRAMS FOR YOU, FOR MEDICAL BILLS, AND PROGRAMS.
ANOTHER PHONE FOR **** IS 1-800-950-6264 OR YOU CAN EMAIL. THE SITE IF [url]www.****.org[/url].
GOOD LUCK AND I AM SO SORRY U HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALONE FOR SO LONG. I CANT DO IT ALONE WITHOUT BIPOLAR, DEALING WITH MY SON'S BIPOLAR. SO YOU ARE STRONG AND I AM PROUD YOU ARE LOOKING FOR HELP.
GOOD LUCK
MSLAINIE