2 mentally ill people in relationship, opinions needed
Well, here I am. I have Biploar and Borderline Personlakity Disorder and my boyfriend has ADHD and Bipolar. I believe you have heard most of this before, but I have a lot of trouble and I would like some opinions on how to work through this problem I am having with trying to get through each and every day of "changing" myself for the better, well at least in his eyes. To me, I am becoming a less mean, sarcastic person and that is a good thing, but for him, I seem to be some one that he wants to mold into (and this will be an eventual process) of a better person for myself (as he says).
I work very hard to please him daily. It is very difficult to keep my emotions inside every day. He does not want me to display them out right. I am not to cry because that would be a sign that I am losing control. I am to be in control and think as he says.
So, to you I pose the questions. How does a Bipolar/BPD person hold everything inside and not explode eventually?????
Re: 2 mentally ill people in relationship, opinions needed
Hi, I am glad that you started another thread because I have wanted to respond to you but your thread seemed more as if you were journaling for your own therapeutic necessity and I am sure that others thought that as well.
I know that you really love this guy and I give you alot of credit wanting to help him and at the same time help yourself.
I think that in reading your last thread, I see alot of controlling going on in this relationship. It is not right of him to tell you that you can never be upset, mad, angry, frustrated or hurt. That is basically telling you that you have to be happy all the time and NOBODY is happy all the time.
That would be like you telling him he can never have a drink or smoke again....that bothers you....right??? Thing is, neither one of you would be loving if you are expecting the person to be the way that you want them to be. You decided to enter into a relationship Knowing that there were problems and that he was a smoker/drinker and him knowing that you had BP and BPD that would involve some sadness and problems controlling emotions at times.
I think that each of you needs to focus upon yourselves and making the changes in yourselves that you each would want to see....not because the other person has to have you that way in order to love you. You need to each be supportive of one another realizing that nobody can change another person except that person themself!! And that loving somebody is not controlling them...it is accepting them good points and bad points and supporting them through the changes that they want to see for themselves.
I am sure that you will admit that your boyfriend has a drinking problem as well as weed problem. Apparently that is not going to change and you must decide if you can live the rest of your time with him having to drink and smoke every weekend and whenever he needs to. You are not going to change that in him....he has to want to change that for himself.
You cannot hold all your feelings inside just to please your boyfriend.....it is like he is asking you not to breathe. You need to have the freedom to express yourself otherwise you are conforming to the person's needs which is so unfair for anybody to ask of another person to do.
I know that you love him and that there is alot for the two of you to deal with. It would be so much easier if he would address his issues and you address yours, and each of you offering the other praise and support along the way.
I hope that this helps out in someway.
((((HUGS))))) ~ Goody
Last edited by goody2shuz; 03-11-2007 at 07:42 PM.
Re: 2 mentally ill people in relationship, opinions needed
Thank you for your reply. Yes, the other thread was more of a self fish thing and I apologize, but when I get upset or have any type of emotions stuck within I write, that is my therapy. I write to get things out of me so I don't explode.....lol.
Well, some times it works. I have many journals that fill up rather quickly.
I just think that if I keep writing that eventually I can write all my feelings away and then all the things that sit inside will be gone and then I won't be negative and then, well I will somehow magically be oh k.
Guess things will wrok out the way they do,, but see when I got on this site (and please anyone on here take no offense to what I am about to say), but I thought I could use this kind of as an outlet so I didn't do anything silly or stupid to myself to do any harm. This is my outlet. I kind of need it.
People give opinions when they can and I am truly appreciative.
Hopefully in the process others can learn from anything I type from my life as well.
I just don't want something else taken away from me, so I hope that I am allowed to continue writting here. whether it is looked at as I am journaling or however, this is keeping me from harming myself or just going and doing anything that might be regreted later in verbal arguments and such.
Anyhow, my bipolar is so unpredictable at times, typing is all I can do to try to even myself out. It just calms me a bit at times when I get my fingers moving on the keyboard at what seems so quick that they are going by themselves at non sensical rants......
Sorry to those that might not understand my problems. Sorry to those that might not understand my BPD and bipolar and my problems with my ADHD and bipolar boyfriend, but I am trying so hard here to keep it together and I guess I have done it once more and gone off on a tottaly different rant fromw hat a simple statement has been made to me.
I guess I am just sorry..............I know you are trying to help me.
Re: 2 mentally ill people in relationship, opinions needed
Hey BP/BPD ~ You needn't apologize, I truly understand how therapeutic writing can be...just ask everybody around here who have to put up with my rather lengthy posts!!
So you keep on writing...I was just apologizing for not responding too much knowing that you needed this outlet and totally understanding it's importance to you and the benefits it serves.
I hope that my advice doesn't offend you. I guess alot of what you are experiencing I experienced with an ex fiance who was extremely controlling and took away alot of my self worth and so I reacted to that since it seemed familiar to me. I know that you are struggling with alot and that your self esteem is already low....I just don't want to see your boyfriend make it even lower. Try to focus on YOU, that is important.
I hope that you feel better soon. We are here for you....just ask if you need support and keep on writing away.
Re: 2 mentally ill people in relationship, opinions needed
I think it to be a little odd actually. I have even talked to my psych doc about it. When I was married I was the one who was rebellious so to speak. I wanted to do things and be my own person. Not be as responsible as I am now. So much role reversal, I mean maybe I deserve this to see what he went through. I had so much self respect and now it slips out of me, I can feel it seep away out of me. I am losing myself to try to keep this relationship. When my boyfriend and I first kissed, I had never felt anything like that. I actually felt true love. I mean it felt like the room spun and almost as if past lives flew by me. I truly believe I found my one true soulmate in this life time. Not many find that ever and I was lucky enough to. This is why I am trying so hard. This is why I am hurting so much inside and wanting to cry so long and hard. This is why................
I am just not sure what else to do. I am not sure what else can be done. I mean him nad I talk and talk. He has troubles, we all do, but as he said yesterday to me, it is hard with 2 people that have bipolar in the same relationship because you never know how you will feel that day, let alone how the other will too.
He said he knows he is very difficult to live with and he is an a**hole. I told inspite of that, I love him. I deal with that. I told him that I am doing my thinking and yes, I still react emotionally but I am still learning. You can't just throw me in the deep end and expect me to swim, give me a little time here to adjust.
He wants it NOW. I have to change, and he siad I haven't gotten him super angry at all for 4 days in a row which is a good thing.
Anyhow, I have to go for now, but Just please keep trying to help me, I can use it. I have no one else....except the doc and the doc and boyfriend have permission to talk if need be, I gave it. Pretty dumb now that It hink about it.
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