We have dated until recently for a year and a half, I love her very much. We just recently found out she has bipolar disorder, and sadly shortly after that she wanted to end it. The trouble is we had lost our intimacy during her 6-8 months of frequent deep depression from having bipolar. I needed the time away to reset, recoup and think plus do some of the research that has led me to places like here. I am trying to win her heart back, but she started seeing a guy we both know that is also bipolar. I worry about her, and know I can not save her. I just want to help her know I love her, and that our intimacy was not her fault, it was the illness and it can be better, much better. It hurts me knowing more now of what she went through and could be going through, I stood by her for that time and I want to keep being at her side. Worse than that we can't even seperate for good as we both are in the same martial art and are not dropping out any time soon, too much investment and too much interest in the art.
I have done some research and found some groups we can go to for support if we try again, and some couple counselling to help get past this hard time. But she is mad at me over the break up and I can't get her to talk to me. There may not be anything I can do, but when you love some one it is hard to stand by idly and let that person disappear, more so when you know they need you there, even if they don't know they need you.
Is your ex taking medication for her BP?
I commend you for wanting to help her and be by her side. If she is at all manic at the moment, she probably won't be willing to talk with you, at least not now. You may need to give her some space until she is more able to relate to you in a more "normal" state.
I'm sure others will post with some suggestions for you.
Good luck. Tsohl
She maybe manic as she jumped into another relationship quick, from what I have read that tends to wreak havoc on your stability. She is on meds but just started them, 3 weeks ago switched from Depakote to Tegretol and since I can not get her to talk do not know if that has changed. She has also been on Seroquin (sp) and Trazadon, all 3 at same time. I guess the question is, how long should I wait? What signs do I need to look for that she might be receptive to me? Also I have wrote some stories for her, as we had intimacy issues I wanted to show her I do desire her and have a drive to be with her. I want to give them to her soon, but should I wait on that also? Lastly, I ran into a girl I have not talked to in a while. Turns out her sister has bipolar disorder also AND went through exactly what we are with intimacy issues. They are dealing and better. I have friends that might be able to talk her into talking to this girl, do you think that would be a good idea even if it requires some outside pressure?
This whole thing just eats me up, I feel I made so many mistakes before she got help, and afterwards. I miss the good times we had, and want things to be better than even they were.
Instead of concentrating on your situation, sometimes it helps to stand in the other person's shoes. She just found out she has a major mental illness, and that for the rest of her life, she will be on a roller coaster ride of highs and lows, to say nothing of the anxiety, paranoia, delusions and other aspects of the disease not usually mentioned... that these either already are or shortly will affect her and change her into another person and that other person is going to be socially isolated and will have to daily face the social stigma felt by all those with mental illnesses and so she will be facing the world essentially alone, that the doctors and social workers who reach out to her only can offer her a variety of drugs that cause her head to fill with a dense fog that she have to daily fight her way out of, and who have the power to occasionally force her against her will into hospitals that are locked, where medications are not a choice.
Is it no wonder that she acts the way she does? And if so, then what is that you can do for her. I would suggest that she needs, most of all, a friend, a normal person who takes the time to be polite to her, to treat her like she wants to be treated, like a normal person. Nothing more than that.
That is at least what I am going to be doing, I was trying too hard to give her room at our martial art, and after talking to some friends decided it was wrong. From now on I am cordial, smile, wave say hi how are you and leave it at that for now. Your comments are exactly why I am here, to understand though they make me sad that she is not wanting me to be there for her. I dealt with some issues when I was a kid so I understand, I was a rare rare case that I was able to fully recover and not be medicated. I was caught so early that my mind was able to heal. So hearing what you say makes me cry, I know what it was like and don't want to see her go through it but I want to help her.
Tsohl
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