feelings are a FLAT line - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

greenidme · 03-13-2007, 09:10 PM

I'm taking Lamictal 200 mg and Zyprexa 2.5 mg 1-4x day as needed.
Usually I do ok on this mix but 2 nights ago my ex-husband (my son's father too) passed away and I don't "feel" anything. I know it may not have sunk in yet but it is very strange since I care deeply about him and certainly have concerns about my 16 year-old son.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Does one or both of the meds keep me from a natural, situational depression?
Anyone experience this response to a tragedy?

thanks for being here y'all!!!

emeraldeyes114 · 03-13-2007, 11:30 PM

Recently I had two members of my family die as well. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I didn't know the one member very well but the other, my grandmother, i knew a very long time. For myself there are times when I feel nothing at all. In some ways, it can be a relief from being overburdened to feeling so much. Though I have not taken any meds for a while I cannot say that it is all meds or simple shock so to speak of hearing the unexpected death. With my grandmother there have been very little tears and it surprises me a great deal. Only the numbness seems to envelope any ability to feel more then that at the moment. I know when I am particularly stressed more then what I can carry I tend to develope the numb thing too. I think it is a way my brain tries to protect me from me in a sense. Not sure if in some ways you might be experiencing something similar. I know in time I will deal and grieve in my own way and in what way I can. So perhaps giving yourself time or talking about the man you thought well of might be of benefit. I know other members will have tons to say on this subject and I hope they will have more to offer then what I have.

Emerald

paranormal · 03-14-2007, 12:35 AM

greenidme, i am saddned to hear of your sons loss and yours.

i am sorry but i don't have much insight on the effects of drugs on this type of situation, but i know that several times, when something i feel uncomfortalbe with occurs and i somehow ignore my feelings it comes out sooner or (not much) later. you might not feel it now, but there's a big chance you might feel sad after a while.

the shock also does this to you, but your most concern is your son who is more important to you than your ex-husband, so that's what your mind led you to do--to focus on how you can support your son because he is the most important person to you right now and he is the one with the greater loss. as you know, he is only 16 years old, and now a 16 year old boy who lost his father. you don't even need to hear it from me, i know this, but you have to realize that you are not a bad person for not feeling a strong melancholy from your ex-husband's death. every person deals differently.

embrace what you feel in any case, and don't let minor concerns distract you from you and your son's situation. take care of yourself always and stay close and receptive to your son especially at this difficult time in your lives.

we are hear to lend you support and validate your feelings. post whenever you need to. we are all people who need each other and understand human experiences first-hand.

keep the faith greenidme.

best,
~para

greenidme · 03-14-2007, 01:09 PM

Thanks emerald and para-
It helps to hear all of what you had to say about it. It may really not be the meds at all I guess. Maybe I'm just starting the grieving process?
I intend to be here in whatever ways my son needs me now. I have to be careful not to dwell on this situation alone. Life does go on and he has friends his own age to talk to as well. I remember age 16 and my mom would not have been the one I opened up completely to.
Thanks for your concerns and prayers!

paranormal · 03-15-2007, 05:13 PM

greenidme, glad i could help. since you mentioned the grieving process, yes it seems normal to me as well and I remembered something in case you havn't seen it before, i thought I should quote this from a 'pedia search, "grief."

there's other information that might be of use to you on that search if you feel you need to understand your situation from a more objective viewpoint, if it helps.

Quote:

Shock and denial
Feelings of unreality, depersonalization, withdrawal, and an anesthetizing of affect.

Volatile Reactions
"Whenever one's identity and social order face the possibility of destruction, there is a natural tendency to feel angry, frustrated, helpless, and/or hurt. The volatile reactions of terror, hatred, resentment, and jealousyare often experienced as emotional manifestations of these feelings." (see the article entitled The Grieving Process by Michael R. Leming and George E. Dickinson)

Disorganization and despair
These are the processes, we normally associate with bereavement, the mourning and severe pain of being away from the loved person.

Reorganization
Reorganization is the assimilation of the loss and redefining of life and meaning without the deceased.

take care.
~para